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Problems at work? Need advice? Our agony uncle – and readers – have the answers
Boss's daughter-in-law is making our friendly workplace a misery
We are a group of four colleagues who are desperately unhappy in our employment. Our office used to be a friendly and relaxed place to work, until our boss decided to employ her sister-in-law in an admin role. After just three months the sister-in-law was promoted to office manager – a role that had previously not existed – and has since done everything in her power to force us out of our jobs.
Our new office manager, who has been a mother and housewife for the past 16 years, seems ill-equipped for the role. She has no formal qualifications and no idea how to speak to people properly. She is threatening and aggressive if any of us offer an opinion that differs to hers – even when discussing issues not work-related – and is very manipulative.
In a recent meeting, two of us were told we may face redundancy – but the following day our boss assured us this was not the case. Our office manager has now forced us to fill in time sheets so she can monitor how much work we do, and always brings up the subject of redundancy if she thinks we are not working hard enough. She has also brought in a dress code, but changes her mind on what is acceptable in an attempt to catch us out. She issues verbal warnings to those who do not wear the correct attire.
We believe these tactics are simply a form of control, but how can we deal with a situation that is impossible? We cannot report her behaviour to our boss because of the family connection, but we can't go on like this.
Jeremy says
It's no comfort to you – but when family relations and office relationships get intertwined, it almost always creates problems. And problems, what's more, that offer no easy solutions.
The nearest I can get to suggesting anything helpful is that you should do all you can to depersonalise the situation. Rather than making a complaint about the office manager's behaviour, which, as you already realise, would put your boss in an impossible position, the four of you could make a formal written request to your boss, very reasonably expressed. It should say that you quite understand that the company might want to introduce new standards of time-keeping and dress – but, to avoid confusion, it would be helpful if such standards could be clearly expressed in writing so that you all knew exactly what was expected of you. At the same time, you would all like to be formally assessed at regular intervals – and ask that a 360 degree assessment procedure be adopted: by which each member of staff, irrespective of seniority, is assessed, in writing but strictly anonymously, by all other members of staff, both higher and lower in status.
It's far from certain that your boss would agree to such a plan; but it's more than possible that she's already aware of serious tensions between her sister-in-law and the rest of the staff and would welcome an objective way of starting to deal with them. No doubt the office manager would be fiercely resistant to any such suggestions – but they are difficult to oppose on principle.
It's critical, of course, that you should maintain absolute solidarity among yourselves. Separately, as your office manager knows only too well, you're vulnerable. But even she's not going to fire all of you at once. Or if she tried, your boss would finally be forced to sort things out.
Readers say
• Go to your boss with your colleagues, presenting a united front, and be forthright. If she has any sense (and I'm not saying she has), she'll rectify the problem rather than lose four employees. You should be prepared to leave your jobs and go elsewhere. This is preferable to staying somewhere that makes you miserable. rowett
• It is vital that all four of you start recording incidents of your office manager's unfairness immediately, note date and time, what was said and so on. Should it be necessary to go to an employment tribunal this record will be invaluable. CordwainerBird
• Consider joining a trade union and your boss will have to address you and your concerns properly, within a defined framework. You will also be able to use legal advice and the support a union offers. AvramGrantsBallBag
• Your office manager is probably feeling vulnerable and wants to prove herself to her relative. She hasn't yet worked out that the way to get her staff to do what she wants is by working with them and listening to their ideas. She sees her role to control you, and is currently using fear as a weapon.
I'd try and let her see that the carrot and stick is not necessary. Is there an appraisal process where you can feed in ideas or make suggestions about how to improve things, but in a nice, supportive way.
Your boss (her boss) may be aware there are some problems but will be much more appreciative if you help him solve them. ExBrightonBelle
I'm an experienced photographer – so why can't I find a job?
I have had a semi-successful career as a photographer for the past 12 years – I have travelled the world, photographed some amazing places and people, and been published in magazines and shown in galleries. I'm pretty good at what I do – not amazing, but certainly better than many.
However, the past three or four years have been tough. At one point I had to move back in with my parents as I didn't have enough work to pay my rent. Things are still hard and I am relying on benefits to get by. I am in my late 30s and this is not how I thought my career would turn out.
I have been applying for full-time positions in the photographic industry, working at agencies, galleries, studios etc, but I haven't had any luck. I have now failed to get about 100 jobs, but I think my CV is strong – perhaps I look overqualified?
Jeremy says
If your letter to me is any guide, you're not so much overqualified as under-specialised. It gives me no idea what you're best at. It could very well be that your CV reads in much the same way. In the hope of casting your net as wide as possible, you may have made the mistake of being so general that you attract no one's particular interest. (The fact that you've been applying to "agencies, galleries, studios etc" tends to confirm me in this suspicion.)
You're also diffident in the way you present yourself: "I'm pretty good at what I do, not amazing, but certainly better than many." This is not calculated to leave potential employers feeling they'll be missing out on something special if they don't take a close look at you.
So I strongly suggest that you distil your last 12 years' experience in your own mind – and then bring it into sharp focus. Just what is it you know, just what is it you can do, just what is it that you've done – that makes you better in that specific area than just about anyone else? Not "pretty good" – but exceptional.
If you do this exercise thoroughly, I think you'll find that, without cheating or exaggeration, you can make a strong, specialist case. It won't be a case that will appeal to everyone, of course, but you don't need to appeal to everyone. Sharpen your offer, rewrite your CV – and then choose your targets accordingly. That way you stand a much better chance of success.
Readers say
• To be an agent, gallerist, studio manager, etc, you're going to need many more skills on top of just being able to take nice photographs. These are going to include sales, procurement, advertising, writing and design skills. You've also got to be super organised – if you're working for a gallery or agency you'd have to be familiar with not only your schedule, but the diaries of your artists/photographers, too. Does your CV reflect these skills? Do you have experience in these positions? benrobertsphoto
• When almost everyone and their dog has a DSLR nowadays, and there are thousands of brilliant photos on Flickr and the like, the bottom has fallen out of the photographic market. There are thousands of excellent photographers nowadays. Very few are going to make anything like a "reasonable" amount of money from it. Qualifications, or lack of, make little difference.
Change careers and keep the photography as a sideline. If you haven't moved into "star" photographer territory by your late 30s, it seems unlikely that it will ever happen. Riemannian
• If you look at the majority of high-end professional photographers' work, one thing that sets them apart is the amount of post-production that goes into their images. If you are serious about a successful career (not sure if there are any full-time photographer jobs any more), you would do well to learn as much post-production as you can. You can then afford to do more interesting work as well.
Good luck. I made the switch from TV to photography when I was 40. I love it. The best thing is not to lose heart. rounddonkey
For Jeremy Bullmore's advice on a work issue, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@guardian.co.uk. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or reply personally.
Read next week's problems on the Work blog from Monday and post your advice – we'll run the best of it alongside Jeremy's in next Saturday's column.
Jeremy Bullmore
guardian.co.uk © 2011 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
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Problems at work? Need advice? Our agony uncle – and readers – have the answers
Boss's daughter-in-law is making our friendly workplace a misery
We are a group of four colleagues who are desperately unhappy in our employment. Our office used to be a friendly and relaxed place to work, until our boss decided to employ her sister-in-law in an admin role. After just three months the sister-in-law was promoted to office manager – a role that had previously not existed – and has since done everything in her power to force us out of our jobs.
Our new office manager, who has been a mother and housewife for the past 16 years, seems ill-equipped for the role. She has no formal qualifications and no idea how to speak to people properly. She is threatening and aggressive if any of us offer an opinion that differs to hers – even when discussing issues not work-related – and is very manipulative.
In a recent meeting, two of us were told we may face redundancy – but the following day our boss assured us this was not the case. Our office manager has now forced us to fill in time sheets so she can monitor how much work we do, and always brings up the subject of redundancy if she thinks we are not working hard enough. She has also brought in a dress code, but changes her mind on what is acceptable in an attempt to catch us out. She issues verbal warnings to those who do not wear the correct attire.
We believe these tactics are simply a form of control, but how can we deal with a situation that is impossible? We cannot report her behaviour to our boss because of the family connection, but we can't go on like this.
Jeremy says
It's no comfort to you – but when family relations and office relationships get intertwined, it almost always creates problems. And problems, what's more, that offer no easy solutions.
The nearest I can get to suggesting anything helpful is that you should do all you can to depersonalise the situation. Rather than making a complaint about the office manager's behaviour, which, as you already realise, would put your boss in an impossible position, the four of you could make a formal written request to your boss, very reasonably expressed. It should say that you quite understand that the company might want to introduce new standards of time-keeping and dress – but, to avoid confusion, it would be helpful if such standards could be clearly expressed in writing so that you all knew exactly what was expected of you. At the same time, you would all like to be formally assessed at regular intervals – and ask that a 360 degree assessment procedure be adopted: by which each member of staff, irrespective of seniority, is assessed, in writing but strictly anonymously, by all other members of staff, both higher and lower in status.
It's far from certain that your boss would agree to such a plan; but it's more than possible that she's already aware of serious tensions between her sister-in-law and the rest of the staff and would welcome an objective way of starting to deal with them. No doubt the office manager would be fiercely resistant to any such suggestions – but they are difficult to oppose on principle.
It's critical, of course, that you should maintain absolute solidarity among yourselves. Separately, as your office manager knows only too well, you're vulnerable. But even she's not going to fire all of you at once. Or if she tried, your boss would finally be forced to sort things out.
Readers say
• Go to your boss with your colleagues, presenting a united front, and be forthright. If she has any sense (and I'm not saying she has), she'll rectify the problem rather than lose four employees. You should be prepared to leave your jobs and go elsewhere. This is preferable to staying somewhere that makes you miserable. rowett
• It is vital that all four of you start recording incidents of your office manager's unfairness immediately, note date and time, what was said and so on. Should it be necessary to go to an employment tribunal this record will be invaluable. CordwainerBird
• Consider joining a trade union and your boss will have to address you and your concerns properly, within a defined framework. You will also be able to use legal advice and the support a union offers. AvramGrantsBallBag
• Your office manager is probably feeling vulnerable and wants to prove herself to her relative. She hasn't yet worked out that the way to get her staff to do what she wants is by working with them and listening to their ideas. She sees her role to control you, and is currently using fear as a weapon.
I'd try and let her see that the carrot and stick is not necessary. Is there an appraisal process where you can feed in ideas or make suggestions about how to improve things, but in a nice, supportive way.
Your boss (her boss) may be aware there are some problems but will be much more appreciative if you help him solve them. ExBrightonBelle
I'm an experienced photographer – so why can't I find a job?
I have had a semi-successful career as a photographer for the past 12 years – I have travelled the world, photographed some amazing places and people, and been published in magazines and shown in galleries. I'm pretty good at what I do – not amazing, but certainly better than many.
However, the past three or four years have been tough. At one point I had to move back in with my parents as I didn't have enough work to pay my rent. Things are still hard and I am relying on benefits to get by. I am in my late 30s and this is not how I thought my career would turn out.
I have been applying for full-time positions in the photographic industry, working at agencies, galleries, studios etc, but I haven't had any luck. I have now failed to get about 100 jobs, but I think my CV is strong – perhaps I look overqualified?
Jeremy says
If your letter to me is any guide, you're not so much overqualified as under-specialised. It gives me no idea what you're best at. It could very well be that your CV reads in much the same way. In the hope of casting your net as wide as possible, you may have made the mistake of being so general that you attract no one's particular interest. (The fact that you've been applying to "agencies, galleries, studios etc" tends to confirm me in this suspicion.)
You're also diffident in the way you present yourself: "I'm pretty good at what I do, not amazing, but certainly better than many." This is not calculated to leave potential employers feeling they'll be missing out on something special if they don't take a close look at you.
So I strongly suggest that you distil your last 12 years' experience in your own mind – and then bring it into sharp focus. Just what is it you know, just what is it you can do, just what is it that you've done – that makes you better in that specific area than just about anyone else? Not "pretty good" – but exceptional.
If you do this exercise thoroughly, I think you'll find that, without cheating or exaggeration, you can make a strong, specialist case. It won't be a case that will appeal to everyone, of course, but you don't need to appeal to everyone. Sharpen your offer, rewrite your CV – and then choose your targets accordingly. That way you stand a much better chance of success.
Readers say
• To be an agent, gallerist, studio manager, etc, you're going to need many more skills on top of just being able to take nice photographs. These are going to include sales, procurement, advertising, writing and design skills. You've also got to be super organised – if you're working for a gallery or agency you'd have to be familiar with not only your schedule, but the diaries of your artists/photographers, too. Does your CV reflect these skills? Do you have experience in these positions? benrobertsphoto
• When almost everyone and their dog has a DSLR nowadays, and there are thousands of brilliant photos on Flickr and the like, the bottom has fallen out of the photographic market. There are thousands of excellent photographers nowadays. Very few are going to make anything like a "reasonable" amount of money from it. Qualifications, or lack of, make little difference.
Change careers and keep the photography as a sideline. If you haven't moved into "star" photographer territory by your late 30s, it seems unlikely that it will ever happen. Riemannian
• If you look at the majority of high-end professional photographers' work, one thing that sets them apart is the amount of post-production that goes into their images. If you are serious about a successful career (not sure if there are any full-time photographer jobs any more), you would do well to learn as much post-production as you can. You can then afford to do more interesting work as well.
Good luck. I made the switch from TV to photography when I was 40. I love it. The best thing is not to lose heart. rounddonkey
For Jeremy Bullmore's advice on a work issue, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@guardian.co.uk. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or reply personally.
Read next week's problems on the Work blog from Monday and post your advice – we'll run the best of it alongside Jeremy's in next Saturday's column.
Jeremy Bullmore
guardian.co.uk © 2011 Guardian News and Media Limited or its affiliated companies. All rights reserved. | Use of this content is subject to our Terms & Conditions | More Feeds
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