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Alcoholic toxic partner

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  • Alcoholic toxic partner


    I was wondering if anyone could offer any advice regarding my complex situation.

    I have been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years and have a 2 year old daughter. The relationship has been very toxic over the years due to my partners alcohol and cocaine abuse. He had ‘given up’ for what I thought was well over a year and within the last 6-8 months there have been incidents where I though I could smell alcohol on his breath to basically be told I am crazy. There has been a significant amount of emotional/ psychological abuse which is progressively getting worse. I am a healthcare shift worker and came home from a nightshift to him still being completely intoxicated whilst having the care of our daughter. He then went missing for a week came back for a few days and as soon as it got to Friday has walked out and gone missing again (usually returns the night before being due back to work if he decides to go).
    There has been a previous incident to this where I found 2L of cider in his car prior to my nightshift which I took so that he could not drink it and though he has realised his mistake - obviously not. He has previously had a 2 year driving ban and tag for 3 months due to DUI.

    Due to this incident and various other things I am unable to ensure a safe and stable home/ environment for my daughter so I have asked for him to leave but get faced with refusal and threats of suicide and that he will ‘fight me’ for my daughter. This is the only thing stopping me leaving the relationship as I cannot risk my daughter having to be under his care as he cannot be trusted to keep her safe and keep her away from his own abusers who continue to be emotionally and psychologically abusive toward him mainly with degrading comments.

    My partner comes from a very abusive upbringing with emotional and physical abuse from both his mother and father witnessing and being subject of the abuse. I have a very different view of normal family life and what is acceptable and the abuse, walking out and being drunk whilst having sole care of my daughter is something that I feel is damaging for her. He has also stolen money from my bank account knowing that I am struggling to place food on the table as he is spending all of his money on himself so has nothing to contribute for pur weekly food shops.

    I am scared for my daughter and don’t know what to do. Where do I stand on all of this legally? He is on her birth certificate as the father but we are not married.

    Sorry for the very long message but I felt I needed to give an idea as to what has gone on recently so that this is not made to look like a mother wanting to cut a father out of our daughters life as I would love nothing more than for him to recover from his addictions and have a loving relationship with her.

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  • #2
    Sorry to hear of your problems but are you in the USA as you use the term DUI?


    • #3
      islandgirl judging by previous posts OP is UK based.

      Viv1988 sorry to hear about your problems.
      Have you approached any organisations such as Women's Aid for advice?
      They must surely have encountered similar scenarios in the past and could probably give very practical help.

      Good luck


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