Child custody dispute

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. It's a child arrangement order. It's just until the end of August when there will be another hearing. The judge will speak to my daughter. The only evidence they have is my confession. I admitted to hitting her with the wooden pole, but I did not admit to breaking it over her head. There was another occasion I I hit her (again no bruise) and a time when I hit her in a doorway and she winced back and hit her head on a doorframe. I am not proud, just want to be honest. She was being extremely naughty on all three occasions. They are also accusing me of emotional abuse because I'd discussed the case with her. I'm sorry, I didn't realise the implications. Any other questions, I'm happy to answer and will be honest. Thank you

How exactly is that emotional abuse. Are they saying that discussing the case with her by itself is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is probably unfair - it seem to be that the social workers are just looking for the tiniest things. Emotional abuse is likely manipulation of a person, but discussing the case with her - if she is a curious minded person - is in my view not emotional abuse at all.

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

The judge hasn't asked me to have therapy, but she is aware that I'm being seen by a mental health team. I've been put forward for a course with regards to my emotions. My daughter absolutely does not want to stay with her father. She feels trapped and isolated at his house. I only hope this (and my willingness to receive help) is enough for the judge.

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

I was making the point that criminal law is not for the faint hearted, so am more objective than subjective.

I know I know.

But I was making the point that until or unless Daisy is charged with a criminal offence which I doubt (albeit I have not seen the paperwork of this case) the issue of criminal law and copious case law is not relevant.

Di

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

I don't think Daisy has been accused of doing anything criminal has she?

Di

I was making the point that criminal law is not for the faint hearted, so am more objective than subjective.

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

Are you allowed/denied any contact with your daughter while she's staying at her father's place?

If as you say there has been a suggestion of emotional abuse because you've chatted about the legal issues with your daughter (raised by her father's lawyers or the court?) then it may be a good idea to stay off the subject when you speak with your daughter.

DIscuss the weather, fashion, clothes, make-up and all the other things 12 year olds fixate on, but perhaps stay off the subject of Mummy v Daddy.

Di

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

Daisy, it's ok if you're too scared to give the details I asked for. I do understand. It's just that am trying to help you, am not here to judge you. I studied law at university which included criminal law.

I don't think Daisy has been accused of doing anything criminal has she?

Di

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

I would like to think that your honesty will work in your favour.

Believe it or not Judges are human beings and some may have personal experience of how trying adolescents/teenagers can be when they decide to push the boundaries.

I was a nightmare at that age

Di

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. It's a child arrangement order. It's just until the end of August when there will be another hearing. The judge will speak to my daughter. The only evidence they have is my confession. I admitted to hitting her with the wooden pole, but I did not admit to breaking it over her head. There was another occasion I I hit her (again no bruise) and a time when I hit her in a doorway and she winced back and hit her head on a doorframe. I am not proud, just want to be honest. She was being extremely naughty on all three occasions. They are also accusing me of emotional abuse because I'd discussed the case with her. I'm sorry, I didn't realise the implications. Any other questions, I'm happy to answer and will be honest. Thank you

[Crazy council]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi

Work closely with the carer, like they suggest. At her age, schooling will be one of the considerations as well.

As scary as your situation will seem at the moment, lots of people have been at the same point in the past, Young teenagers are a testing handful and most people you deal with will have a good understanding of the pressures you can face. One of the things that can sway things is if ither parent has problems with alcohol or substances. The best advice is to work closely with all involved, be honest but also be carfull, push chasing a solisitor next week, If your parents or family members live in the same area, support of them is valuable as well.

[leclerc]

Re: Child custody dispute

I am back. Thank you for all the support and comments. I'm still very confused and frightened. I have been told that if my ex has been given a temporary car order, that is the first step to him having full residency. My daughter will get to speak to the judge at the end of the holidays, but I'm afraid it might not be enough. She is on the protection register because of 'significant harm'. She is distraught at having to live with her dad. He is refusing to honour a hospital appointment that she has the day she is due back here.

First things first, how did anyone find out about the "abuse"? To have a meeting means someone has to have raised concerns. Furthermore, significant harm is not a category on the child protection list: Neglect, Physical harm, Emotional Harm and sexual abuse.

From what you have written above, the only category it comes under is Physical harm, as such.

In regards to missing a hospital appointment, then perhaps he might need to understand that it could be classed as neglectful parenting considering that missing an appointment can form part of a cycle of neglectful parenting and he does not want to start off on the wrong foot if he is seeking full residency. Thankfully, the Guardian is there to protect your daughter's rights.

Has the court asked you to have any counselling in regards to anger management? After all if there were two incidents of physical abuse(that is the terminology that I will use) from what you have written.

The court will have to take into account the wishes of the child and the affect of removing the child from your care into the care of the father and it should take into account how that will affect the child until she turns 18 years of age. Child Welfare requirements within the children's act require them to look at a case from the child's perspective.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Residency was discussed and I said that I'd (on rare occasions) considered letting her live with her dad, but it's not what I really want and I knew that my daughter is very unhappy at his house. The chair then said 'shes 12!'
My ex translated that to mean I didn't have a choice. I translated that to mean, if it's what I wanted and agreed to that my daughter didn't have a choice. Social services have never attempted to remove My daughter from my care and her guardian also hinted to me 2 days ago that in order to keep my daughter, I would have to work closely with them.

It sounds liked your daughter's guardian is trying to be helpful, indirectly. If you were such a threat 1) the social workers would have got a full care order. The law is that the social workers need to convince the court that a care order is required based on 'a balance of probabilities' through actual facts, ie proven injuries, not mere assumptions of significant harm: Re H [1996] AC 563, and in, Re B[2008] 2 FCR 339. It is also your human right, as the Court of Human Rights confirmed, that a care order cannot be made against your relationship as a mother to your daughter unless you pose an actual threat to her as the child's best interests are crucial: K and T v Finland [2000] 3 FCR 248. I can name you case after case after case.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

Hi. I have been accused of braking a curtain pole across her head. This did not happen. My daughter had been slamming the pole in the floor (which weakened it significantly) I then grabbed it from her and hit her arm with it. It broke because it had been weakened. The strike was not hard. There was no bruise and I am still very very sorry that it happened.

Daisy, it's ok if you're too scared to give the details I asked for. I do understand. It's just that am trying to help you, am not here to judge you. I studied law at university which included criminal law.

A bruise is not significant harm: Humberside CC v B [1993] 1 FCR 613. Did you intentionally hit your daughter with the curtain pole ( assume it's made of wood). What was the evidence of significant harm? Who said you hit the child over the head with the wooden pole? Why did the pole break, was the pole examined to see if it was already weakened? For that matter, a care order requires a court order but once the judge gives the care order it cannot limit the use of the care order, according to the House of Lords in another case.

A temporary care order (formal term: interim care order) is for matters of child protection, not matters of awarding custody. So, an interim care order does not mean that the father will be awarded custody of your daughter automatically at all. Incidentally, this interim care order, how long was it issued for? Under the law, the council has to do reviews for interim care orders, is why I ask.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Child custody dispute

I am back. Thank you for all the support and comments. I'm still very confused and frightened. I have been told that if my ex has been given a temporary car order, that is the first step to him having full residency. My daughter will get to speak to the judge at the end of the holidays, but I'm afraid it might not be enough. She is on the protection register because of 'significant harm'. She is distraught at having to live with her dad. He is refusing to honour a hospital appointment that she has the day she is due back here.

Hello, Daisy

Welcome back, so sorry to hear this continuing nightmare you're going through . First of all, how long ago was this 'significant harm', and has there been regular reviews to see whether the 'child protection register' is still necessary? Are you sure this is a 'care order' - a care order is what the social worker/ local authority (Council) can do, it's called an interim care order?

[Daisyberwick]

Re: Child custody dispute

Thank you. It's the waiting I can't stand.

[Diana M]

Re: Child custody dispute

I have been accused of braking a curtain pole across her head. This did not happen. My daughter had been slamming the pole in the floor (which weakened it significantly) I then grabbed it from her and hit her arm with it. It broke because it had been weakened. The strike was not hard. There was no bruise and I am still very very sorry that it happened.

Who accused you of this? Was it your daughter, or did she tell someone that story and they reported you to social services?

Di