Child contact process and delays.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Dear Mr Solicitor,
I give my full permission for my posts to be available for the use of (fill in OP's name) if there is the slightest hope that it assists said gentleman in his fight for access to his daughter.
I also give full permission for my opinion that this man is a better influence of decency, kindness and positivity than the information given about the mother, and as a mother of a daughter I am away of the affect to self confidence a negative attitude has on girls.
I hope this will be of assistance.

Puffrose.


FTW if you need this with my real name and signature, please PM me the address of the solicitors office and I will post it.

P

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

One has to be very careful with Family Law cases as they are shrouded in secrecy for the protection of the child. Nevertheless, FTW has been very careful to conceal said identities.
Personally, having been through just such a case, I would stick to the approved regime of statements and recognised procedures. They're a very traditional bunch and forum discussions would not be deemed objective or neutral. After all, we are only hearing FTW's side of this distressing experience. Our opinions may assist FTW in surviving and understanding the process better but we would have very little bearing in such a case. Sorry to be a spoilsport because it's a lovely thought. xx

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Was worth a try

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

You're right, of course, Cel. We are dealing with legalities, and not "lovely thoughts." Such issues are deeply emotional, but I guess the courts must see both sides of any story - and without emotion. Not an easy task, but the better judges can manage it, I guess. Sure - we only have one side of the story here, but that is the only side we have been invited to comment on. I count my blessings and bow to the knowledge of Cel and others here, but it is STILL something that might count toward the necessary appraisal of FTW's character and motives, surely ?

Agreed, though, Brownie points are not a reliable currency.

[JessB]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

From my dad:

Hello mate,
Now my daughter has an account I've been able to read this thread (he called it a thingame) for myself.
Although it is frustrating you are doing exactly the right thing, but I wanted to give you a few little bits of ammo, just in case.

Jess's mum tried to say she couldn't contact her due to the fact I told her she would be penniless while she was pregnant (load of rubbish but never mind), I know from what I have read that you pay for your child, however if she tries the "i get no maintainance" line, remind her access is granted regardless of maintainance.

I think I'm right that if a court order is ignored, your ex can be found in contempt of court, might be worth a mention to her.

CAFCAS I found to be a bit... slapdash? It's not just you, there were times with Jess's younger sister that I thought I was banging my head against the wall..

Whenever I write to my younger daughters, I have Jess photocopy the letters, then put the letter in a box, when they are 18, I will arrange a little meet up and give them the box with the letters and say to them, just incase they got lost in the post.

I agree that the child should give the "missing" parent respect (I dont but never mind - jess) and applaud the fact you are showing your daughter how to be a respectful and decent child. Don't worry about introducing your "real" daughter to your other kids (we dont use the word step), just tell them shes a little nervous but she's longing to play, and leave them to it. The worse I had with Jess was when I brought the youngest in the house and said "this is your baby sister".
She looked at her and said "not another bloody baby!!!" Now when Jess collects her sisters from school you would think that they had been apart for 20 years!!

Take care of yourself

Jay

Dad of this little horror, and brother of Puff (god help me)

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Thank you so much for your messages and my apologies for not being on the past few days, I have had a load of extra work to do to which has involved me working late into the night (my choice to keep active)

All these messages are so inspirational and I am thoroughly looking forward to meeting with Cafcass next week.

the contact centre have sent me an extremely unofficial but exact copy of the report they have forwarded to Cafcass. Although im entitled to it anyway they said they wanted me to see it at the earliest possible opportunity.

The content of this report is extremely reassuring as they have openly voiced the same concerns that I have. They have happily attributed the delays in contact to "a blatant obstruction that should not occur".

So I guess for now ill leave it at that, but will keep you posted on progress.

Again Thank you so much for the support it is appreciated more than words can say.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

FTW,

my neice is in Bournemouth atm with her LUUUUUUUUUURVER, but if you want to talk to Jay, mail Jess and I can talk him through how to open it

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

That is FANTASTIC news FTW!!! When we were fighting our case, we were told that the Cafcass report is the crucial evidence. In 90% of residency cases, the Judge went with the Cafcass report in its entirety.
So your report is EXTREMELY significant and positive. Bl00dy well done for your dogged determination and patience xxxx

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Cafcass meeting tommorow. Fingers crossed

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

x GOOD LUCK x

:beagle:

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Thank you Celestine. Im going prepared with the following questions:

1: What can be done to minimise the constant delays / obstructions that have a clear
effect on my childs well being and emotional balance ?

2: How often does this occur with other families?

3: How can I best avoid further hostilities following the vebal tyrade at contact
on 21st April 2012 ?

4: What more could I be doing to assist my child and to help with the current
situation in general ?

5: At what point will the wishes and feelings of the children that should be in
my daughters life be taken into account ?

6: Why was my request for CAHMS intervention completely left out of the last
report ?

7: Why are malicious and unproven comments from the resident parent still making
their way into the reports ? Every report has contained an accusation or verbal dig
which is often unrelated to the case.

8: On behalf of Cafcass, what do you feel the best interests of my child are ? given
the timescale from the contact order being made and the fact that the 6 sessions are
still not yet complete almost six months later.

9: Could indirect contact be altered to e-mail? I am aware that my daughter uses
the internet regularly and this could provide more flexibility for her and also a
very easy way of responding.

10: I would like to follow my childs progress at school. How can you assist me
in doing this ?

11: On behalf of Caffcass, do you feel a change in residence and me offering
structured emotional support and encouragement to have meaningful contact with both
me and her mother could provide a long term solution for my child and also respect
her best interests ?

12: If contact is to be reattempted, would a chapperone service be avaliable along
with a befriending service to ensure sufficient encouragement and support is being
offered to my child ?

Along with my catalogue of interpretation my fingers are crossed that the Cafcass worker
is wearing her thinking cap

[leclerc]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Be careful not to get on the wrong side of the CAFCASS Guardian ad litigem but stay 100% focused on the "interests of the child". Your best friend is supervisory reports which you need to use to your advantage as I am assuming it supports your case rather than anything else. I think being even slightly adversarial in the way you ask things will not help. It's better to state that you suggested x or y and you are not sure if that is being taken on board or whether they have decided not to continue with it and any reasoning behind that.

All CAFCASS workers are independent social workers deriving their income from the cases before the court. They think like a social worker and they act like one and we all know that sometimes they stick together. However, you have to try and keep on their side.

[Celestine]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Spot on Leclerc. Be extremely vigilant to keep Cafcass Officer on side. However, I suspect you will be very capable of putting your questions across in a non challenging manner.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Be careful not to get on the wrong side of the CAFCASS Guardian ad litigem but stay 100% focused on the "interests of the child". Your best friend is supervisory reports which you need to use to your advantage as I am assuming it supports your case rather than anything else. I think being even slightly adversarial in the way you ask things will not help. It's better to state that you suggested x or y and you are not sure if that is being taken on board or whether they have decided not to continue with it and any reasoning behind that.

All CAFCASS workers are independent social workers deriving their income from the cases before the court. They think like a social worker and they act like one and we all know that sometimes they stick together. However, you have to try and keep on their side.

Well meeting today didnt go well at all. Before we got into things I explained that although I may vocalise one thing the practicality of it may be another and i kindly requested for the worker to educate me as i go, this was agreed happily.

The first blip came when the worker explained that my daughters usual worker had now left Cafcass and my daughter has refused to interact with the new worker. I explained that she had built a rapport with the previous worker and it was a shame as he genuinely was great with her (which i firmly beleive). My ex's comments from the workers notes were a little different with a "well she hates cominng here so it doesnt suprise me that she wont speak to you lot".

Blip number two arrived when the worker explained that she had not yet received the contact centre report so could not speculate on its effectiveness. I gave her my contact notes and told her i noted them down after each session to avoid typical memory problems. She agreed this was reasonable and went through my statements. She explained that they were extremely compelling but until she has the contact centre report she cannot comment.

Blip three, the worker kept speculating over the emotional effect the process has on the child. I agreed that it would and asked her to explain in her opinion the short and long term effects. She did so and i basically retold her story from a parents point of view and my interpretation of how i feel my daughter may see it. I proceeded to ask if
CAHMS could answer more questions than we could, she agreed but wondered whether (and i quote) "Is it really worth it?"

I went on to explain that further speculation would be inappropriate guess work given all the delays faced. We did agree that if the contact had been consistent we may be looking at a completely different picture but she seemed intent on avoidong any talk on reattempting contact. Despite me highlighting the reasons for missed contact and concrete proof that indirect contact had been blocked for six months she simply said "maybe emails could be a way forward for you and your daughter, if thats what she wants"

We finalised with her telling me all my ex's views and as usual they were simple derogitory remarks, refusal to cooperate and a blunt refusal to return to another contact centre. My answer to this was that I would not offer comment into my Ex in any way as my primary focus is my child and not to rub people up the wrong way. I did however ask what reassurance or encouragement mother is giving that they are certain is happening. She told me she was unable to answer that question

So there we go. I hate to say it but its not looking good unless Cafcass really reference the contact centre report well. I really got the impression that the Cafcass worker had her mind made up before we began. I know the contact centre report is brilliant, so when they get it, it may tip the balance but looking back on all the other reports there is a bible of information that has been left out of reports.

So keep your fingers and toes crossed

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Im sorry, i meant to thank you both for your comments. They did indeed serve a purpose and i did as much as possible to keep Cafcass on side by looking for guidance where possible but without rolling over.

Anyway many thanks for your comments