Child contact process and delays.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

ty FTW, its puff here, me and Jay are incredibly proud of Jess, shes our star.
I will pass your comments on to her dad who will be delighted you feel that way. Good luck hun

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

I just want to say "good on you," Jess. You do seem like one magnificent young lady, and whatever damage the world has tried to do to you - you seem to have withstood it admirably.

Thank you for your words of encouragement to others here.

Bill.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Bill, if you could see me now, tears of pride streaming down my face!

Jess read the thread and said Aunty, I have to to that, he sounds so much like Dad there!

On the proud aunty bit, Jess is studying for her alevel in math so she can become an accountant when shes older, and has asked her dad to lend her (yes, she fully intends to pay him back) £100 so she and her boyfriend can put a deposit on a 2nd hand car!

I showed her the thread so she could pick her dads brains about his experiences etc and she read it and said, hes got a good case, he just needs a bit of hope and a kick up the bum!! (her words not mine). She did have my permission to post on my account, but I hadnt got a clue what she wrote, made me promise not to read it till she got a reply.

I am a very proud aunty, and Jay is a insanely proud dad. He says to FTW, grab every second you can with your daughter, and in the meantime, make a scrapbook of things her brothers and sisters are up to, then when you meet up you can show her them to help with the inital shyness.. kinda like remember when X walked the dog.. or Y brushed the cat.

He had social services visits, Jess was at risk for a short time because of her mother, an now he is waiting patiently for his invitation to her graduation ceremony, if only to tease her about the motar boards.

He says the best advice he was ever given was by his mum, it was as long as the kids are happy, fed and warm, your doing a great job! Dont give up hope hun, one day society will realise, Dads need their kids as much as their kids need dads!

Love and hugs to you all

P

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Bill, if you could see me now, tears of pride streaming down my face!

Jess read the thread and said Aunty, I have to to that, he sounds so much like Dad there!

On the proud aunty bit, Jess is studying for her alevel in math so she can become an accountant when shes older, and has asked her dad to lend her (yes, she fully intends to pay him back) £100 so she and her boyfriend can put a deposit on a 2nd hand car!

I showed her the thread so she could pick her dads brains about his experiences etc and she read it and said, hes got a good case, he just needs a bit of hope and a kick up the bum!! (her words not mine). She did have my permission to post on my account, but I hadnt got a clue what she wrote, made me promise not to read it till she got a reply.

I am a very proud aunty, and Jay is a insanely proud dad. He says to FTW, grab every second you can with your daughter, and in the meantime, make a scrapbook of things her brothers and sisters are up to, then when you meet up you can show her them to help with the inital shyness.. kinda like remember when X walked the dog.. or Y brushed the cat.

He had social services visits, Jess was at risk for a short time because of her mother, an now he is waiting patiently for his invitation to her graduation ceremony, if only to tease her about the motar boards.

He says the best advice he was ever given was by his mum, it was as long as the kids are happy, fed and warm, your doing a great job! Dont give up hope hun, one day society will realise, Dads need their kids as much as their kids need dads!

Love and hugs to you all

P

Love the "scrapbook" Idea. Never really thought about it. Obviously I have mounds of photos but the scrapbook concept is brilliant. I guess the more you can paint a picture in someones mind the easier it is to accept things and move forward.

Thank you so much

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

yeh i have an autistic godson and the scrapbook approach helped him accept the change of becoming an elder brother.

On a personal note, I think Jess is right, you only needed a shot of hope and encouragement to show you that you can take care of your daughter as well as her mam.

[Bill-K]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

LOL, Puff - you're one of the softest hard-nuts I've come across !!!

The scrapbook sounds brilliant - and so simple. "A picture paints a thousand words," as they say.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

i resemble that comment Bill :P

but seriously the day the world realise that dads can do a mams job.. the better!!

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Absolutely. We live in a society that demads equality. Regardless of Gender, religion, sexual preference and others, people have the right to be parents.

It should not matter who you are. If you are the more suitable person then you should be selected. This should reflect in jobs, residence of children and just about everything else.

I am not a sexist so please dont be offended by this but: women have demanded equal rights since an initial proposal in 1923. Although society still fails to conform to this women are becoming more increasingly recognised through employment/ career routes and payscales. Surely with this reflection a man should have equal rights to being a parent.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Heres the latest one guys.

Saturdays session was cancelled. My understanding was that the sessions were fortnightly but because of the lack of attendance (due to daughters mother) they moved them to weekly.

To be completely honest I went through the weekend without giving it much thought. Sent my letter on Thursday, phoned my daughter on friday (no answer as usual) and no phone call from the contact centre.

They phoned me this morning to explain that they tried all day on Friday to organise contact but could not get an answer from my daughters mother. They apologised for not calling me but to be honest i didnt mind. Theres no point in them calling me if they cant get hold of her. (besides they know that i am completely flexible and only need 1 hours notice any day of the week)

So there we go, ill keep you posted.
------------------------------- merged -------------------------------
Oh the court adjournment is until June 14th.

From what I understand there is only 1 official contact session left but the contact centre have agreed to keep going with the sessions until court reccomences.

They did in no uncertain terms say that there is no guarantee that my daughters mother will attend past the 6 ordered sessions but they will try the best they can (cant ask any more of them tbh)

I think that they want to see if she gets to 6 and then stops contact all together, it may show clearly her intentions moving forward.

What do you guys think?

[NikkiD]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Hi there,

I think that her failure to enable your daughter to attend contact sessions clearly shows that she wishes to stop contact altogether. This is not acceptable, and in Court she will have to come up with very valid reasons as to why she hasn't brought your child for contact. Those reasons would be along the lines of ... severe illness of the child perhaps, but even that used as an excuse repeatedly gets seen through. You are more than upholding your end of contact, and things will improve, I'm sure of that. The Courts simply won't allow her behaviour.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

My brother Jay, Jess's dad has sent this letter, No scanner so im typing it out.

Dear FTW,

My sister has made me aware of your situation, I am a single dad (my beautiful daughter is now 17) and I understand the feeling of "why me". I was in the opposite postion to you, I had an ex that wanted nothing to do with our daughter. I was scared Jess would grow up hating her mother, and in a wat she had every right to, but I wanted her to respect her elders. I found all the pictures I could of her mother when she was pregnant, I made a scrapbook of everything Jess had done, all her accomplishments, her cards and letters from her grandparents.
I then sat down and wrote her a letter, she was 18months old. I told her my hopes and dreams for her (happiness, health, a good job.. a kind partner), and told her how I felt being her dad.
Last year, I sat down and wrote her a letter saying that she had made my dreams came true, that I am proud of her etc (and my sister has read me her response to you.. im VERY of her). She is getting them when she graduates, along with the letter I will write her that day.
I would suggest to you, keep everything you have from her, letters, paintings.. things like that. Dont be afraid to write your feelings down, Jess went looking for some ink in the loft and came down with my box of treats and went through it, she was amazed i still had "all my crap".
And explaining to a 17 year old that old paintings and things isnt crap is impossible!
There are things girls can't tell a man, and thats natural. I leave money on the side for her, whatever she needs she buys and it works.
Remember there are men who will say to you whats the problem, raising kids is the womans job.. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE! Personally,I think think the greatest show of a man is a fella with a pushchair!

Take care of yourself, and your daughter.

Jay
(Puff's big brother)

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

My brother Jay, Jess's dad has sent this letter, No scanner so im typing it out.

Dear FTW,

My sister has made me aware of your situation, I am a single dad (my beautiful daughter is now 17) and I understand the feeling of "why me". I was in the opposite postion to you, I had an ex that wanted nothing to do with our daughter. I was scared Jess would grow up hating her mother, and in a wat she had every right to, but I wanted her to respect her elders. I found all the pictures I could of her mother when she was pregnant, I made a scrapbook of everything Jess had done, all her accomplishments, her cards and letters from her grandparents.
I then sat down and wrote her a letter, she was 18months old. I told her my hopes and dreams for her (happiness, health, a good job.. a kind partner), and told her how I felt being her dad.
Last year, I sat down and wrote her a letter saying that she had made my dreams came true, that I am proud of her etc (and my sister has read me her response to you.. im VERY of her). She is getting them when she graduates, along with the letter I will write her that day.
I would suggest to you, keep everything you have from her, letters, paintings.. things like that. Dont be afraid to write your feelings down, Jess went looking for some ink in the loft and came down with my box of treats and went through it, she was amazed i still had "all my crap".
And explaining to a 17 year old that old paintings and things isnt crap is impossible!
There are things girls can't tell a man, and thats natural. I leave money on the side for her, whatever she needs she buys and it works.
Remember there are men who will say to you whats the problem, raising kids is the womans job.. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE! Personally,I think think the greatest show of a man is a fella with a pushchair!

Take care of yourself, and your daughter.

Jay
(Puff's big brother)

Thankyou so much for that post. I havent been online for a few days and after today im feeling alot more positive. That post just made it all the more better.

This weekends session was to cancelled but it was the contact centre this time. They called me and explained that the supervisor wanted to be at all the sessions and not have someone else "stand in". In many ways I can understand this approach so have accepted this openly.

My cousin was over from Canada this week and i was fortunate enough to meet him and reconnect, top guy. I met his son for the first time ever, lovely little 5 year old lad. We got on so well that his son is staying at my house tommorow night. So all in all a good week. 6 weeks to go to court now and i suspect Cafcass will be in touch shortly to produce another report.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Heres the latest update guys. I got a phone call from the contact centre this morning. My daughters mother has cancelled contact this week as she claims my daughter is unwell. In addition she cannot attend next week as it is her sons birthday and the week after they have plans. So theres 3 more weeks of cancellations all wrapped in a nice little bow.
The next session will be scheduled to take place on 09/06/2012, 5 days prior to our next court hearing. So the contact centre have informed me that the session that takes place on 09th June will not be detailed in the final report as it exceeds the dealine for completion. This is also the case for Cafcass.
So now i really am at a loss. I know there is a possibility that it will reflect badly on her in court, but the fact is any good work that could of been done has undoubtedly been undone by now.
My solicitor is away today but i have filled him in on the situation. I dont expect much can be done

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

As of 09/06/2012 it will have been a total of 7 weeks in between contact sessions.

[FTW Mamuskills]

Re: Child contact process and delays.

Dear (solicitor);

I thought it appropriate to inform you that I have received a letter from Cafcass.
As I am sure you are aware, they are unable to file a report until 24 hours before
court. I wish to inform you that I have no objections in moving forward in this way
on the understanding that the Cafcass report will contain sufficient detailing and not
seem rushed.

In addition, i feel it appropriate to inform you that I have been trying to contact Cafcass
since before our last court hearing, I have made 11 phone calls and sent 3 letters, but
have not had a single response. I will endeavor to keep contacting them but am currently
worried that I may miss the opportunity to discuss events with them prior to retuning to
court.

Finally, following the recent adjournment contact is not going well. Attendance is virtually
non existent from *******, with only one session having taken place and following a
conversation with CSCA today it seems there may well be no more additional session
before returning to court, in addition, indirect contact is still failing with no phonecalls answered
for 6 months to date and no responses to letters. I do not feel I am able to take any action
on this matter but thought it appropriate to inform you of the current situation.

Many thanks for taking the time to read this email.

Kind Regards