Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

You're not speaking out of turn MissFM

I can only go on what I'm told and this is what the solicitor on the phone told me. She said that it is not offered for employment law and then suggested I could maybe claim it from a home insurance, though as I rent my house, this is not an option.

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

"I am not entitled to legal aid though as I rent my house in the city, so I do not have the luxury of claiming it from my home insurance."

At high risk of speaking out of turn - I don't think this is how legal aid works.

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Hi PlanB

I have not told the girl or contacted her, I had only started dating her and I am embarrassed and ashamed. I have never had anything of this nature happen to me at all. I don't know what I would say to her...I mean how I explain that..."Hey guess what happened to me today?"...

In terms of helping other people? There is around 25 staff that worked there. I always tried to help anyone I could. Everyone arrives on any given day with a diverse range of problems. A few weeks ago a staff member informed me his dad was having some problems. Some kids were making fun of him because he has a cleft lip and speaks with a lisp. The kids actually attacked their house and smashed a window. I offered to go and help him. I let him out early because something happened at the house and I even called him at 10pm that night and offered to come and help him with the police that at that point the family had deemed it necessary to call.

I have in the past called landlords on behalf of staff members that were students and not completely sure of their rights. Kind of like “What? Your landlord is screwing you over. Let me talk to him.”

When someone forgets their wallet, loses their atm card, or is just flat broke, I’ll loan you a couple of bucks until you can pay me back.

I have helped my employer on many occasions. When his dad died recently I came in on my days off and worked on new rotas for the coming weeks. I tallied staff working hours and emailed it to his home so that all staff could in fact get paid that week.

This isn’t information that would be voluntarily offered up, but if in an Employment Tribunal, it might come to light.

A few months ago I had just come in to start my shift and my employer and another member of management were in the office with a general assistant. He was arguing that he had asked for holidays that were not granted. I honestly don’t know who was right or who was wrong in that situation but a few times I thought that particular employee was mistreated. I was just standing around in the background while this was going on, the door was open. He was cut off by both my employer and the other member of management and told to “Shut up and listen for a minute.” Afterwards I took my employer aside and told him you can’t do that. I think that verged on bullying him. He has a right to his opinion and a right to make a point. My employer disagreed with me and I asserted that I thought this was close to intimidation in the workplace.

I think this combined with the fact that he was told that he may be the owner but I ran the place didn’t sit well with him.

You noted a combo emotional support and legal information. I couldn’t put it any better. Thanks to all involved. I am not long off the phone with a solicitor and I have an appointment on Wednesday morning. I can’t do much until then. I am not entitled to legal aid though as I rent my house in the city, so I do not have the luxury of claiming it from my home insurance.

I think I’ll talk with the solicitor, weigh up the options and if it isn’t worth the hassle, if I don’t have a case then I might just have to cut my losses and walk away.

[PlanB]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

At a time like this you could do with a combo of both emotional support and legal information, and I see you're getting both from posters on this thread

In view of that I have two questions. Firstly, what does your new girlfriend make of all this, assumming she knows you didn't go into work today, and you seem to still care a lot about this girl? And secondly would anyone in your office say that you had been as innocently helpful to any other employees ? The latter question would probably crop up if you went to an Employment Tribunal and claimed to be a regular guy who looks after all co-workers with problems.

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Here’s the long and the short of the entire story.

I became friendly with the girl in question, looked after her a little, then some more, and then some more. We began to get close, became ‘best friends’. She would call or text when she needed something. Little girls do get themselves into trouble and I am very of aware of this fact. We spent some time together outside of work. I offered her guidance and advice when she needed it and eventually developed feelings for her. She knew I had these feelings as I revealed them to her against my better judgement, but based on the advice of my employer’s girlfriend. Even so we became closer and closer. I continued to help and she continued to accept and appreciate the help that was given up until a month ago.

There was no hint of a problem; there were no complaints of harassment up until this point particular in time. We had disagreements over the course of our friendship as any two friends might but we remained quite friendly. At one stage before Christmas I told her that I was going to step away from her and I would not being doing things for her anymore. She responded by threatening that she “would do less work” if she lost her ‘privileges’. She then smirked and informed me that she would “just get someone to do things for her”.

Policy is that holidays are booked 4 weeks in advance, but this girl would always come to me and ask with maybe 2 weeks or maybe 1 week left on the clock. She knew I could pull a few strings for her and she would get her time off. 2 Weeks before Christmas she wanted a holiday for her birthday. My employer initially refused, but I offered to work the hours if she could get it off…seeing as how it was her birthday. I would be working 14 hours that day to cover my shift and hers. A few days later my employer’s dad died and so my duties on the rota changed. I told her I’d still sort it for her but now that I can’t do it, I’ll sort someone else that would. She kicked off and started an argument with me. At no pint was she ever informed that she had the holiday off.

When she left work she still didn’t have it off. I had the intention of texting her to tell her that she could have it off…it was her birthday after all. I had been in a bar 10 minutes when she turned up and I thought, what’s the point of a message when I can just tell her. She ignored me and her friend kicked a chair at me. A few others stood up at the table and I walked away. I was annoyed and walked outside. Two of her male friends approached me outside and said they didn’t know who I was. To them I was just some “random guy”. We talked for a while and I assessed that it wasn’t fair, that if it got heated or physical, then the only person that could have prevented it was her. All she had to do was put her hand up and say “It’s OK, I actually know him”. The friend that kicked the chair at me does know who I am, and she is as wicked as they come. Outside her friends seemed friendly enough, shook hands and ended with “it was nice to meet you”…”Yeah, nice to meet you too”. Her recollection of the story was that I came over, knocked everyone’s drinks over, threatened to fire her and then stood staring at her all night while “necking pints”. NONE of this is true. Absolutely nothing.

We had minimal contact for the next few weeks as my employer thought her would change our shifts. I had no problem with this as in my head I was done with her, I had explained this to her a few weeks prior, and to him. A week ago, in the same bar on the same night, she walked in and I just turned around, and said to my friend, let’s completely ignore her and just have the night that we we’re supposed to have last time. I purposely stayed well away from her and did my own thing. I spent time talking to a girl in the bar for a good portion of the night. I’m not sure if this girl witnessed this or not, but at the end of the night she came right over and dramatically threw her arms around the friend I was with and spent about 10 minutes talking to him. This is what I don’t understand, how can you come in and make a statement that results in shifts being changed and then come over and stand right in front of me. It was an obvious attempt at “Look at my new man” whom she had with her. I turned away and had nothing to do with it. The next day, I brought my employer and the girl together. I said I wanted nothing more to do with her and I would appreciate the same courtesy of staying away from me that I gave to her. It then became heated with my employer stating that “she can talk to whomever she wants”. I said maybe but it’s quite hypocritical. The next day I have a harassment grievance against me.

I’m not sure what this has to do with legalities, but that really is how events transpired. There’s the back-story.

It might also be worth mentioning that my employer was talking about scaling back management shifts a week ago, either that or someone could take a voluntary redundancy. This seems to have solved his problems to some extent. I'm gone, no need to pay me redundancy.

2 months ago, I stated to a member of management, whom I regarded as friend in a private conversation, (A week earlier I picked him off the floor crying as his wife had suffered a third miscarriage), that one of the staff members won the lottery with his girlfriend, if they ever broke up that he would have a hard time replacing her. He agreed with me. 3 weeks later he told the girl I was referring to that I had called her boyfriend “stupid”, and that she should “dump him immediately”. I asked him, not only why would he twist the story, but why would he even do that at all? Two of the four people my employer decide to take statements from regarding the whole thing that has brought me here were the two people involved in this little story. One of them will now certainly get my job.

I had been employed there for almost 9 years and have never had a single complaint against me. I enjoyed working there and seeing the people that came through. I made many friends there, though the majority do not work there anymore. It was a friendly place and we would do our best to accommodate students and their shifts, etc.

I do not mean to have inconsistencies in my story and I’m more than happy to answer any questions. In terms of being the person that likes to help and got burned for it, I look at it as a lot of people look at someone that needs help and thinks what might happen to me if I help that person, whereas I look at that them and think what might happen to them if I do not.

I’m going to make a few phone calls at this stage and perhaps talk to a solicitor. I think I’ll also get a written reference from my employer before I make any legal moves.
And what's the thing with MissFM and Eloise??? :tinysmile_aha_t: I appreciate everyone's advice on any level...Any train of thought separate from my own is another outlook on the whole situation.

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

I know you didn't concur with my previous post Eloise. I was not 'having a go,' I was stating that everyone must be able to contribute, and specific people shouldn't be picked out over and above others. I stick by that. Miss FM knows me well enough to know it is nothing personal.

Your subsequent post however demonstrates that you have clearly got an outstanding knowledge of this. It is spot on, kind, but straight. It is what the OP needs to know.

I thank you for sharing what is clearly to me a voice of substantial experience.

Oh I wasn't disagreeing with you at all labman - unless we are talking at cross purposes and I disagreed with you somewhere else! I just think that MissFM was enthusiastically trying to be helpful, as she says, and didn't mean anything by it. I didn't take your post as having a go at me or her at all. I think, to be honest, what she was trying to say was that she didn't really know about the employment side of things and others did - I don't think the list was supposed to be exclusive. Just perhaps not put as she might have otherwise done. I utterly agree that any there are many ways of looking at things, and any perspective can shed light on a situation.

And I know you didn't make the comment, but I still don't know what it was a reference to ... some things have a way of sliding straight past me!

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Sorry - I don't get this!

It's because I am relatively new to this and haven't got the hang of a lot of things yet and this isn't my first solecism - it is good and helpful to have mistakes pointed out as can then learn from them. Presumably helpful to others too.

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Sorry - I don't get this!

I know you didn't concur with my previous post Eloise. I was not 'having a go,' I was stating that everyone must be able to contribute, and specific people shouldn't be picked out over and above others. I stick by that. Miss FM knows me well enough to know it is nothing personal.

Your subsequent post however demonstrates that you have clearly got an outstanding knowledge of this. It is spot on, kind, but straight. It is what the OP needs to know.

I thank you for sharing what is clearly to me a voice of substantial experience.

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Sorry Miss FM, but I honestly do not think it is for us to tell people from whom they should or shouldn't take advice. Very occasionally it may be done where one knows somebody else is talking rubbish, but pretty much never.

If one were going with your post I'd say Eloise. Full stop. I don't know her from Adam, but she stands out from the corwd for any of us who have employed people.

Please do not do this, it undermines everyone. Purely my view, but a very strongly held one.

Abject apologies to all. No harm or offence intended and thank you for pointing out an error of judgment which will now not happen again. Have tried to edit the offending posts but am not allowed to edit one of them. Will ask admin to remove it. Sorry, sorry, sorry.:tape:

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Sorry - I don't get this!

[Eloise01]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Sorry Miss FM, but I honestly do not think it is for us to tell people from whom they should or shouldn't take advice. Very occasionally it may be done where one knows somebody else is talking rubbish, but pretty much never.

If one were going with your post I'd say Eloise. Full stop. I don't know her from Adam, but she stands out from the corwd for any of us who have employed people.

Please do not do this, it undermines everyone. Purely my view, but a very strongly held one.

I don't think MissFM was trying to elevate anyone above anyone else, or to be anything other than helpful; but thank you for your kind words as to my advice. I do concur with others here that the OP would be best seeking proper legal advice, although I wouldn't recommend spending money on it unless they are going to dump the "tragic hero of a trashy dime store novel" approach and tell a credible story that focuses on the employment aspects of the story. And sorry, that isn't meant to be harsh, although I realise that it may be seen to be, but in five pages the OP has actually given no account of the employment aspects that they were asked or advised about; and the small amounts of information he has let slip suggest inconsistencies in his account which the OP has decided not to clear up or respond to. That is why the thread has become unfocused and "off target" when it comes to employment advice. If all the OP wanted was sympathy, then fine, I am pleased that they are getting that. Unfortunately lawyers and tribunals don't deal in sympathy - and that needs to be clear to the OP, because they aren't going anywhere fast with the approach they have so far adopted. And none of us can give any meaningful advice based on this approach, which is why I have not offered anything further. I will do so when and if there is something that warrants it.

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

GS - you need Eloise, PlanB, Sapphy or Celestine for sound advice on the employment law aspects: they know how it works and can give you an objective view.

Sorry Miss FM, but I honestly do not think it is for us to tell people from whom they should or shouldn't take advice. Very occasionally it may be done where one knows somebody else is talking rubbish, but pretty much never.

If one were going with your post I'd say Eloise. Full stop. I don't know her from Adam, but she stands out from the corwd for any of us who have employed people.

Please do not do this, it undermines everyone. Purely my view, but a very strongly held one.

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Miss FM who is Eloise?????

Peter Bard, innit? msl:

[wales01man]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

INCAAgree with you this forum is advice legal help should be sought,a good thing about forums is that people share experiences this can be of great help when you are facing the unknown,letters from DCAs and others when first read appear to mean much more than they are only when someone comes along to point out what they can really do.
Another good thing on this and no doubt other forums is the fact that the first steps in solving ones problems are outlined in detail with the help of template letters and facts not known to many,
Lasstly an online community exists here with othersoffering help and encouragement so that people do not have to live in fear of those who in the pursuit of money who try to intimidate and make debtors fear they are hardenend crininals facing an unknown future
Long may it carry on

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Sorry - I was unaware till I read right back on the thread hun - I did recognise your name thats all, apologies x

Me. Why?