Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

whooooooooops,,,,soz fp,,i disgendered you,,i thunked you was a male personage too.

[FlamingParrot]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Oh come on Inca you can't ask that they are men and we all know that men can't lie straight in bed let alone give us the gossip.

I'm most certainly NOT a man!

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Oh come on Inca you can't ask that they are men and we all know that men can't lie straight in bed let alone give us the gossip.

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Right,,no secrets allowed,,,who what when where why and how??( to FP & CC)

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Unfortunately the above is all too common, even when you think you know someone, there can be a nasty surprise lurking in the shadows. :shocked: :noidea:

You're by no means alone, I recently had a similar experience, albeit in a different context, where someone showed his true colours when I was least expecting it, twisting and turning the facts to make them look like something completely different.

I hope everything works out well for you!:hug:

We've all been had at one time or another haven't we? The OP's choice of name says it all....

[FlamingParrot]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

:grin::grin::grin::grin::grin::grin:

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

You're by no means alone, I recently had a similar experience, albeit in a different context, where someone showed his true colours when I was least expecting it, twisting and turning the facts to make them look like something completely different.

Anyone I know? msl:

[MissFM]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

It looks from your posts above that your case took place today? I do so hope it went well for you. x

[FlamingParrot]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Awh, thanks again to MissFM and to Celeste. I was quite guarded before I got to know this girl, then over time let those walls down. She used to call me Eli as in Denzel Washington's character from the Book of Eli. I'd always help her...if you could picture the older guy walking along with the disgruntled alternative-looking teenager walking a few steps behind, kicking her military boots in the sand while listening to some form of rebellious rock music as she picked up life lessons from me along the way. I'd stop to teach her things and offer advice as she asked for it.

So much for my rose-tinted view of the world. I guess from this point onwards I'll have the view that if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck...it's probably some little girl that wants to get what she can from me and then inevitably screw me over.

I have an anxious night ahead of me as I attempt to get any sleep before tomorrow, fatigued as I am from nervously pacing around all day and shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Kind words will send me off with a sigh and smile though. At this point it really is a matter of a friendship that ran the course and then turned sour, tomorrow it becomes a legal matter though.

Thanks to all who respond, comment, and offer help in any way. I appreciate all of it, the kind words and criticism of my idiocies that have led me here alike.

Unfortunately the above is all too common, even when you think you know someone, there can be a nasty surprise lurking in the shadows. :shocked: :noidea:

You're by no means alone, I recently had a similar experience, albeit in a different context, where someone showed his true colours when I was least expecting it, twisting and turning the facts to make them look like something completely different.

I hope everything works out well for you!:hug:

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Hell hath no fury than a woman who feels she has been 'usurped and upgraded' in a mans life.

She sounds like she has her kittyclaws out and is using every trick in the 'Silly Little Girls' book of Bitchery.....a well known and well thumbed guide to Jealousy.

Your friendship has run out of steam,I hope you keep your job,and a bit of advice from an old chook,,,,get out a sewing kit and unstitch your heart from your sleeve and put it under lock and key till the right lady comes along

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

It’s hard not to feel aggrieved when after the time and emotion I invested in another person is degraded with the words, “I used to really care about you but our friendship was a mistake, I regret every second of it.”

My response might be that I also felt the same way, before adding that I had evidently made the common error of imagining that she might be sane.

My letter today stated that I had given her unwanted gifts, but they didn’t seem to be unwanted at the time.

Moreover, gifts are usually unsolicited. Unless you bought her frilly knickers or a Rampant Rabbit, it is difficult to understand why one friend might not give a present to another.

My question in this would be "How might she gain by this?". Would getting you sidelined or sacked boost her career at all, or is she playing at this malicious version of Silly Buggers as the basis for a compensation claim from her employers?

[starukkiwi]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Agree with the sentiments above; however, being practical.
You are entitled to have someone with you from work to take notes or a recognised Trade Union Rep, if you are in a Trade Union. But read the ACAS Code of Practice for Disciplinaries & Grievances - you can put a grievance in against her, although you may feel you don't want to this may be your best defence, as the grievance needs to be resolved before the disciplinary can carry on. Your statement above could form the basis of your grievance.

I made this statement today as part of the investigation to address my employer’s comments that I was too emotionally attached to her and that I cared too much, to partly apologise for any hurt feelings and to be allowed to actually make the change and distance her in my life.

You do become emotionally attached when a girl tells you:

When a girl texts you at 3pm to ask if you’re ok? When you respond yes are you? Her reply is that the previous night someone dropped some Rohypnol or some other such substance into her drink, waited for it to take effect and then took her down an alleyway. Apparently even being told by the staff that they’d had a problem with someone date-raping their female customers. The initial contact on this subject of asking was I ok, was a clear cry for help, swearing me to secrecy that I wouldn’t tell her family. And when something like that happens, You do care.

When a girl holds on to you for hours while you wipe an endless flow of rolling tears from her eyes. When on the same night as she leaves with her ‘friends’, who smirk in the doorway like a group of hawks circling the parapets, and she clutches on to you so tightly, buries her head in your chest, then looks you directly in the eyes, tears once again streaming down her cheeks and proclaims that “These are the people you’re supposed to protect me from”. The incontrovertible truth is that you do become emotionally attached and you do care. To not care would be emotionally callous and inhuman.

It’s hard not to feel aggrieved when after the time and emotion I invested in another person is degraded with the words, “I used to really care about you but our friendship was a mistake, I regret every second of it.” This collective grouping of these choice words in that consecutive order took anything that was left.

When you buy what someone else is selling and you become emotionally attached and you do care, you hand someone the keys to do that to you. Close friends told me she was playing games and she was using me. I admittedly refused to listen and in doing so became the willing accomplice to my own destruction. My intention on that day was signify change, but change is not instantaneous. Change needs to be quantified, calculated, and weighed against alternatives and in doing so I should hope I can change my own bad fortune, my own errors of omission and inattention, my own faults.

I did not berate her, if anything I complimented her work ethic and her abilities. I said I liked the girl, called her “fantastic” and described her as possessing an inexorable quality. In fact from the beginning of my friendship with her I noticed her potential. I attempted to take this girl that didn’t seem to realise her positive attributes and suggest she draw confidence from them, that she was more than just average.

I post this because as mentioned I did have feelings for her, and I agree that my above statement might have been emotional but that I was trying to illustrate that I cared because I was made to. Since December I was attempting to put my life back together, I had made the decision that I would not be her get out of jail free card anymore, I would not be her guide, that she was responsible for whatever happened to her on her watch. I have just started dating a great girl and now it seems as one final parting shot her grievance stands to cost me everything, my livelihood, my friendships, my new relationship, my home and my reputation.


I understand that this is a messy situation and I would be grateful for any advice or help that is offered. I had invested time, emotion and finances in her, much of which was graciously accepted and appreciated at the time. My letter today stated that I had given her unwanted gifts, but they didn’t seem to be unwanted at the time. It seems that this employee has pulled out everything she can to get me based on a friendship that turned sour over a period of time. I contended that I cared because I was made to care, that there were always two people in this equation, so two people were responsible. I should also state that we remained on a friendly and talkative basis right up until a month ago, yet the letter states "over several months".

If you don't defend yourself vigourously, you may find yorself out of a job get -statements from the friend you were with in the bar - if it one you frequent often - ask the staff if they will give statements - are you in a Trade Union? (My guess is no; but if you are, contact your nearest office) and once this is all resolved join a Trade Union - after all you don't drive a car without insurance - so why work without insurance?

[Celestine]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Meanwhile MissFm and I will be negotiating your first book deal

[GettingScrewed]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

Awh, thanks again to MissFM and to Celeste. I was quite guarded before I got to know this girl, then over time let those walls down. She used to call me Eli as in Denzel Washington's character from the Book of Eli. I'd always help her...if you could picture the older guy walking along with the disgruntled alternative-looking teenager walking a few steps behind, kicking her military boots in the sand while listening to some form of rebellious rock music as she picked up life lessons from me along the way. I'd stop to teach her things and offer advice as she asked for it.

So much for my rose-tinted view of the world. I guess from this point onwards I'll have the view that if it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck...it's probably some little girl that wants to get what she can from me and then inevitably screw me over.

I have an anxious night ahead of me as I attempt to get any sleep before tomorrow, fatigued as I am from nervously pacing around all day and shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Kind words will send me off with a sigh and smile though. At this point it really is a matter of a friendship that ran the course and then turned sour, tomorrow it becomes a legal matter though.

Thanks to all who respond, comment, and offer help in any way. I appreciate all of it, the kind words and criticism of my idiocies that have led me here alike.

[Celestine]

Re: Accused of Harassment and Bullying...Please help.

This is of no practical help - just an irrelevant expression of appreciation.

Your writing is phenomenal, really very beautiful despite its harrowing content. Or maybe it is that you are able to write from the heart to the heart. No help to you in this situation but a very sincere thank you.

Personally I believe that love and art are the only things that really matter so please excuse this outburst!

I agree with MissFM....I was reading and became totally lost in your words. If this job don't work out...take up writing...you're a natural!