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Friday smile

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  • #226
    Re: Friday smile

    The Wedding.
    At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace.
    The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly.
    Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom.
    The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each
    other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation.
    The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward?
    What do you have to say?"
    The woman replied, "We can't hear at the back".
    • 2 likes

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    • #227
      Re: Friday smile

      • 2 likes

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      • #228
        Re: Friday smile

        • 4 likes

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        • #229
          Re: Friday smile

          • 4 likes

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          • #230
            Re: Friday smile

            It's amazing what you can pick up in the 'exotic' aisle in Tesco .... I am told you will not realise just how spicy it is until it hits the back of the throat ..... ( got my coat on .... )
            • 4 likes

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            • #231
              Re: Friday smile





              Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
              One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
              She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
              The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
              She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
              "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
              The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
              listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
              "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
              on wood for good measure. She then yells,
              "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
              who's at the door."
              • 4 likes

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              • #232
                Re: Friday smile

                • 2 likes

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                • #233
                  Re: Friday smile

                  For valentines day

                  Relationship status real meaning tio men

                  Married ---- barter sex
                  Newly married --- martini sex
                  Cohabiting ----- negotiated sex
                  Partners ----- sex for services
                  Single -----Hire Purchase sex
                  crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even
                  • 2 likes

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                  • #234
                    Re: Friday smile

                    Just because :lol:
                    Attached Files
                    Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.

                    It doesn't matter where your journey begins, so long as you begin it...

                    recte agens confido

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                    • #235
                      Re: Friday smile

                      errrmmm:0

                      http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-39251655

                      Texas lawmaker Jessica Farrar wants men fined for masturbating

                      Which is why it wants all "emissions outside of a woman's vagina, or created outside of a health or medical facility" to carry a $100 (£81) fine. If a man made such an emission it would "be considered an act against an unborn child".
                      some questions

                      If your partner swallows, is that cannibalism
                      And would the above come under the joint enterprise laws

                      lol, i could think of loads more questions, none of them publishable.
                      crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even
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                      • #236
                        Re: Friday smile

                        lol

                        Do you have a problem with Yorkies,,, aparently theres a solution.

                        http://www.sciencedirect.com/science...52409X1630791X
                        ( the sience boring read )

                        https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/0...t_reanimation/
                        ( more fun )

                        [QUOTE]Wharram Percy in North Yorkshire have suggested that the villagers burned and mutilated corpses to prevent the dead from rising from their graves to terrorise the living.Although starvation cannibalism often accounts for the mutilation of corpses during the Middle Ages, when famines were common, researchers from Historic England and the University of Southampton have found that the ways in which the Wharram Perry remains had been dismembered suggested actions more significant of folk beliefs about preventing the dead from going walkabout.


                        [/QUOTE ]
                        crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even
                        • 1 thank

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                        • #237
                          Re: Friday smile

                          What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and an attorney on a motorcycle?

                          A vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside...

                          How are a spermatozoon and an attorney alike?

                          Each has a one in thirty-million chance of becoming an human...
                          crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even
                          • 2 likes

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                          • #238
                            Re: Friday smile

                            Prince Philip Responds To Retirement Well-Wisher With A Top-Notch Dad Joke

                            Excellent work from the Duke of Edinburgh.

                            Guest: “I’m sorry to hear you’re standing down”
                            Duke of Edinburgh: “Well I can’t stand up much longer"

                            https://twitter.com/5_News/status/86...b02655f844d496

                            http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entr...d496?ir=UK&-uk
                            CAVEAT LECTOR

                            This is only my opinion - "Opinions are made to be changed --or how is truth to be got at?" (Byron)

                            You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
                            Cohen, Herb

                            There is danger when a man throws his tongue into high gear before he
                            gets his brain a-going.
                            Phelps, C. C.

                            "They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance!"
                            The last words of John Sedgwick
                            • 1 thank

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                            • #239
                              Re: Friday smile

                              In slightly bad taste from the US: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/...=.8955c198e06b
                              "Family means that no one gets forgotten or left behind"
                              (quote from David Ogden Stiers)

                              Comment

                              • #240
                                Re: Friday smile

                                Click image for larger version Name: milkman.jpg Views: 1 Size: 53.4 KB ID: 1174479

                                love this

                                crazy council ( as in local council,NELC ) as a member of the public, i don't get mad, i get even
                                • 2 likes

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