Friday smile

[des8]

Re: Friday smile

Husband to wife: "Why don't you let me know when you're about to orgasm"
Wife to husband: "I don't like to ring you at work"

[Kati]

Re: Friday smile

halopump

[Kati]

Re: Friday smile

Mary is the proprietor of a bar in Dublin . She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronise her bar.

To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around about Mary’s “drink now, pay later” marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Mary’s bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Dublin.

By providing her customers’ freedom from immediate payment demands, Mary gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Mary’s gross sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Mary’s borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral

At the bank’s corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets. Naive investors don’t really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation’s leading brokerage houses.

One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Mary’s bar. He so informs Mary.


Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the banks liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.

The suppliers of Mary’s bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms’ pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds.

Her wine supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.

Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion euro no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Mary’s bar.

Now, do you understand economics in 2015?

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

"Whoops"

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

[QUOTE][/


Money saving tip for Christmas?



QUOTE]

[dogtired]

Re: Friday smile


A day later, sorry!

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

"Ha ha"

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

About time we had a smile!

[Fred]

Re: Friday smile

[charitynjw]

Re: Friday smile

I know it's not friday, & it's not Xmas, but.......

Santa's having a real bad Xmas Eve; the elves are on strike, the sleigh is in for repair & Rudolph has a broken leg.
At that moment, the Tooth Fairy drops in - "Here's that Christmas tree you wanted; where shall I stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the fairy on top of the Xmas tree.......................

[charitynjw]

Re: Friday smile

Yeah, ok, it's Sunday!

However.................

..............A guy goes to his local CAB......"I've got a question that's been bugging me for years"

The CAB bod listens, & says "Your question is beyond us, it isn't on the 'puter. However, I've heard tell of this guru, lives in a cave in the Himalayas............& all he requires is a drink of whiskey!"

The guy goes off in search, a bottle of whiskey in his pack, & eventually finds the guru.
"Why is it", he asks, "that whenever I drop a slice of bread, it always lands butter-side down?"
The guru proffers his glass.
He drinks up, & the guy refills the glass; the guru has an intense look of concentration on his face.
This goes on until the bottle is empty.
The guy then gets up to leave......."you were my last hope of an answer"
The guru suddenly exclaims "I have the answer which you seek!"





"You're buttering the wrong side of the bread!!"

(With thanks to my Irish cousin for that.........so blame him! :taunt

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

trust me to lower the tone!

[Crazy council]

Re: Friday smile

can not see the picture [MENTION=31453]PAWS[/MENTION]

this made me smile

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

can not see the picture @PAWS

this made me smile

I must be doing it wrong – I can see them but I get the feeling no one else can. Any advice?