Friday smile

[Snoopy1948]

Re: Friday smile

A man goes to his seat on an airplane and finds a parrot in the seat next to him. Once in the air, the stewardess comes by, and when the man asks her for a coffee, the parrot squawks, "And get me a whiskey, you cow!"

The flustered stewardess brings back a whiskey for the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells, "And get me another whiskey, you cow!"

The upset stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee. The man decides to try the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a coffee, cow, now go and get it!"

Two burly stewards grab the man and the parrot, take them to the emergency exit and throw them out. As they eject from the plane, the parrot turns to the man and says, "You know, for someone who can't fly, you're a mouthy S.O.B.!"

[Crazy council]

Re: Friday smile

I know its not Friday, but whenever i need some light relief, i watch this guy.

The news would be brilliant if reporters were really like him , Some of his sayings in other videos will stay in my vocabulary for life.

[Snoopy1948]

Re: Friday smile

This might be an old one but please bear with .....

This green frog goes into the bank and says to the young lady advisor that he wants a loan. He is clutching a little china elephant.

The lady advisor says to the frog "Well, you want a loan, do you have collateral and perhaps a guarantor"

The green frog says ( after seeing her name on her name badge is Patricia Whack ) .... "Well Miss Whack, my name is Kermit Jagger, my father is Mick Jagger and I have this little china elephant as collateral"

The lady advisor then says ... "Hmmm, I'll have to speak to the manager"

She speaks to the manager, tells him the story and shows him the little china elephant, and the manager then says ...........

"It's a knick knack, Pattie Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone"

[charitynjw]

Re: Friday smile

A solicitor dies & goes to heaven. (yeah, I know, but bear with me!)
He's amazed to find a red carpet reception, & St. Peter holding a bottle of bubbly.
"Congratulations on winning the 'Oldest Person of the Month Award!" exclaims St. P. "135......that's quite some feat!"
"But I'm only 73" says the solicitor.
"You can't be" says St.P.
"We checked your billing records"

[Snoopy1948]

Re: Friday smile

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they’d rather keep their clients in the dark

.
Q. What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
A. Stick his bill up his ass.

Please note any reference to any lawyers, currently dead, buried or alive, is purely coincidental ...

[Snoopy1948]

Re: Friday smile

Confucius, he say :

'An ailing marriage is like a vacuum cleaner ...... When the bag stops sucking, it's time to get a new one'

[charitynjw]

Re: Friday smile

Confucius, he say :

'An ailing marriage is like a vacuum cleaner ...... When the bag stops sucking, it's time to get a new one'

That really sucks!
https://drmarkgriffiths.wordpress.co...cuum-cleaners/

[enaid]

Re: Friday smile

[Snoopy1948]

Re: Friday smile

This cartoon reminds me of the new report that an ice cream seller had been found dead under his ice cream van and he was covered in chocolate sauce and sprinkles.

Police looked into it and concluded that he had topped himself!

[Snoopy1948]

Re: Friday smile

This really tickled me ..... am I that easily amused?

[enaid]

Re: Friday smile

[Crazy council]

Re: Friday smile

haha

I dont support these, but i would not be against them

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

[enaid]

Re: Friday smile

:sledge::snowbal:

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.”
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?”
“Yes, Father, it is.”
“And who was the woman you were with?”
“Sure and I can’t be telling you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”
“Well, Tommy, I’m sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O’Malley?”
“I cannot say.”
“Was it Patricia Kelly?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Was it Liz Shannon?”
“I’m sorry, but I’ll not name her.”
“Was it Cathy Morgan?”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Was it Fiona McDonald, then?”
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”
The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now.”
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”
“A three-month vacation and five good leads!” says Tommy.

[seduraed]

Re: Friday smile

Got this one from an advent calendar. Why can't you tel when the pterodactyl goes to the toilet.


Because the P is Silent.

A ruder one
From the crypt of the church of St Giles came a scream that echoed for miles
The vicar said gracious
Has father Ignacio's
Forgotten the bishop has piles