Threat of a Money Claim

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I'm very sorry to hear that

If you can afford to pay her - particularly for the wedding dress - then to offer to do so (whilst emphasizing that it was a gift but under the circs.. etc.) might shock her into seeing just how bizarre this situation has become.

These vary from "I want that ticket you bought for me" to

What ticket?

What does you fiance think of all this? And how does he/she get on with your mother?

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Oh that was a ticket she asked me to get online for her. David Essex, the second love of her life after my dad I actually emailed it over to her weeks ago but she's either deleted it accidently or not seen it. I just added that bit about the ticket to show that the messages were a bit of a rant.

My fiancé is furious. I think he's struggling as he's far away so there's not a whole lot he can do save for being there for me. He and my mum have a funny love/hate relationship. She thinks he's great because he's protective and a provider etc but she doesn't like the fact that he'll tell her straight when she's wrong or has said something silly. His general opinion of her is that she's quite difficult to get along with but I don't think he minds her really.

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Oh that was a ticket she asked me to get online for her. David Essex, the second love of her life after my dad I actually emailed it over to her weeks ago but she's either deleted it accidently or not seen it. I just added that bit about the ticket to show that the messages were a bit of a rant. That's a bit of a disappointment - I was hoping it was to be her USA flight:tinysmile_twink_t2:

My fiancé is furious. I think he's struggling as he's far away so there's not a whole lot he can do save for being there for me. He and my mum have a funny love/hate relationship. She thinks he's great because he's protective and a provider etc but she doesn't like the fact that he'll tell her straight when she's wrong or has said something silly. His general opinion of her is that she's quite difficult to get along with but I don't think he minds her really. sounds like the classic M-i-L/S-i-L relationship

What are the other gifted items she wants you to pay her for (apart from the dress - that really does upset me btw)?

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I can see you're searching for answers and we are trying to help you get them so please don't think our questions are anything other than an attempt to find you a way out of this sad situation

The day your brother went back to uni seems to have been the trigger for a final showdown. I don't now how far away his uni is from the family home but the three of you (Mum, Daughter & Son) set off in your mother's car to take him back following a weekend at home. After you got out of the car your mother drove off and left you behind. That's what you said here:

What happened was we dropped my younger brother off at his uni last Sunday and she just drove off without me

I've regularly screeched to a halt and told my smartarse daughter to "get out" of my car (sometimes with my foot in her back ) but I've never abandoned her in a strange place because I care about her safety however tempting it may have been.

Then you say you and your brother went to your Mother's house so does he have a car too or how else did you get back home together?:

my brother and I were ringing her from about 10mins after she drove off and we realised she wasn't coming back. We then spent an hour outside the house knocking, ringing both the landline and her mobile trying to speak to her/get in.

After that it seems you were collected by your Aunty while I presume your brother made his way back to uni with or without a car.

Have you heard from your brother since this incident?

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I can see you're searching for answers and we are trying to help you get them so please don't think our questions are anything other than an attempt to find you a way out of this sad situation

The day your brother went back to uni seems to have been the trigger for a final showdown. I don't now how far away his uni is from the family home but the three of you (Mum, Daughter & Son) set off in your mother's car to take him back following a weekend at home. After you got out of the car your mother drove off and left you behind. That's what you said here:



I've regularly screeched to a halt and told my smartarse daughter to "get out" of my car (sometimes with my foot in her back ) but I've never abandoned her in a strange place because I care about her safety however tempting it may have been.

Then you say you and your brother went to your Mother's house so does he have a car too or how else did you get back home together?:



After that it seems you were collected by your Aunty while I presume your brother made his way back to uni with or without a car.

Have you heard from your brother since this incident?

That's right. My brother and I got out of the car to take his belongings into his room and she drove off.

My brother does have a car, it was in the uni car park. He only tends to use it for local trips (going to the shop etc) and catches the national express bus home as it's cheaper than petrol plus the cost of the toll on the severn bridge, so he had caught the bus home on the Friday, leaving his car in uni, then my mum brought him back in her car. My brother then drove us both back to the house in his car.

After that, yes, my aunty came to collect me and my brother chose to drive back to uni in his own car as he had lectures the next day. I speak to my brother every day and he's equally as angry and upset, if not more so, than I am about the situation. Aside from the answerphone message I already mentioned, she's only contacted him once since this happened which was to ask him where he was and why he was posting things through her letterbox. This was during a break between lectures so he was very confused and said he was at uni, she said she didn't believe him and that if he posted anything else she'd call the police. I wonder what went through the letterbox :/ was nothing to do with either of us kids.

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

(argh! Won't let me edit the above post to add this!)

MissFM- things like decorations for the wedding reception etc.

[Inca]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Sorry,,,,just re read from the beginning and spotted that you got a locksmith out the next day.
I would be absolutely furious at you too if you were my child.
Asthma medication......you could have got some from either an A&E dept (the night before) or contacted the last Drs who issued it,,it's not a controlled substance so there would be no problem getting some.
If you knew (which you did) that Mum didn't want you in her house..you should have contacted the police the next day,informed them of the situation and taken it from there..not gone and got some twerp who managed to break the lock out to force entry.
Did you take a key to the new lock directly to your Mum?
Did you text her to say 'Sorry luv,couldn't get in YOUR house so got someone to break in for me?

I don't think the 'money' situation should be your priority at the moment,,it should be trying to build bridges with your Mum,,yes she has done wrong but so have you.

Only my opinion of course

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

The relationship between my mother and I has recently broken down due to actions on her part. I have moved out of the family home because of this.

. . . I am due to marry a US citizen and get my US visa, so I am worried what will happen if I move abroad and she has filed something against me.

I've gone back to the beginning of your thread. You have moved out of the family home so I presume you've taken all your clothes and belongings with you. You've been staying with your Aunty but you say this cannot continue indefinitely. You have a job (is that right?). I don't know when you are due to marry and emigrate to the US, but could it make sense to rent a place of your own in the meantime? This would give both you and your mother some space to work through this.

As Cloggy has already hinted, it would be nigh on impossible for your mother to enforce a county court judgment once you have left the country. You can't be extradited over a CCJ. Six years after any CCJ it would be extremely difficult to enforce it because she would need to make an application to the court to do that.

If mumsy were to get judgement in her favour, could it be enforced if the defendant was already in the American colonies?

[CleverClogs]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

.....and if it was a Yale a credit card works wonders..

That depends on the rebate in the door frame being quite shallow, whereas a "bump key" - a key cut to maximum depth for all the pins and reasonable height between them - should usually jiggle the pins enough so they'll settle on the shear line and allow the lock to be opened.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I'm so not giving either you or Cloggy my home address :scared: :scared:

That's OK.

We'll just ask Santander. :grin:

[CleverClogs]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

And how does he/she get on with your mother?

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Sorry,,,,just re read from the beginning and spotted that you got a locksmith out the next day.
I would be absolutely furious at you too if you were my child.
Asthma medication......you could have got some from either an A&E dept (the night before) or contacted the last Drs who issued it,,it's not a controlled substance so there would be no problem getting some.
If you knew (which you did) that Mum didn't want you in her house..you should have contacted the police the next day,informed them of the situation and taken it from there..not gone and got some twerp who managed to break the lock out to force entry.
Did you take a key to the new lock directly to your Mum?
Did you text her to say 'Sorry luv,couldn't get in YOUR house so got someone to break in for me?

I don't think the 'money' situation should be your priority at the moment,,it should be trying to build bridges with your Mum,,yes she has done wrong but so have you.

Only my opinion of course

Sorry but that's really annoyed me. At no point have I said that I'm proud or happy about the locksmith. In fact throughout this thread I have stated a number of times how much this situation has upset me.

I'm not sure why you think the money situation is my priority. I originally posted in this forum for legal advice on a money claim which is potentially coming my way. That's just one aspect of this, one that I know nothing about so felt I needed advice on. If you notice, my first post focuses on that, not the whole relationship saga. I did not expect to get all the kind and solid advice that I have received on that aspect of the situation as it is a forum for money claims. The thread has only gone in that direction because there are a few caring members here who have wanted to help. Building bridges with my mum is something only I can do and in our own way, whatever advice I may receive, which is why I only asked for advice on the money aspect. That doesn't mean that's my priority, it just means that's what I needed advice on.

It's easy to say "you should have done this", but I was in a state of confusion and panic at the time. If I wasn't, things would have turned out differently. I can't change the past any more than she can, which is why I came here, to find out how to move forward with at least one aspect of this mess.

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I've gone back to the beginning of your thread. You have moved out of the family home so I presume you've taken all your clothes and belongings with you. You've been staying with your Aunty but you say this cannot continue indefinitely. You have a job (is that right?). I don't know when you are due to marry and emigrate to the US, but could it make sense to rent a place of your own in the meantime? This would give both you and your mother some space to work through this.

As Cloggy has already hinted, it would be nigh on impossible for your mother to enforce a county court judgment once you have left the country. You can't be extradited over a CCJ. Six years after any CCJ it would be extremely difficult to enforce it because she would need to make an application to the court to do that.

My aunty has said that I can stay for as long as I need to, I just don't think it can continue indefinitely because I don't want to take advantage for too long. If it goes on for too long renting is something I will have to look into, but I don't think my visa is too far away from being issues so I should be able to move from my aunty's house to my new place in the US. At the moment my fiance and I are just trying to figure out whether to cancel our original plans and have something smaller or what. We've paid for the church etc (ourselves) but might cancel and have a smaller do with just us. If my mum isn't coming then my brother can't go as she was paying for him. A number of my friends are unable to afford to go and his family might not come as they've just relocated across the country.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Your mother needs a cat.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I don't think my visa is too far away from being issues so I should be able to move from my aunty's house to my new place in the US. At the moment my fiance and I are just trying to figure out whether to cancel our original plans and have something smaller or what.

I'm pretty sure that once you move to the US your mother won't issue legal proceedings against you because that would be futile. Even though this is a legal issue it's inescapably an emotional one too so a holistic approach is no bad thing.

I wouldn't dream of taking my daughter to court even if she owed me a fortune. I was close to taking my brother to court over my father's Will, but in the end I walked away from it because I need my brother in my life more than the £80k he diddled me out of.

Your mother will miss you once you're gone and vice versa. If it was me I'd sooner pay back any money my mother felt she was owed because I owe everything to her for the way she made scarifies to bring me up. She's dead now so I'll never be able to balance the books

If you can afford it have you considered paying your mother some of what she's requesting regardless of whether it reflects things which may be considered as gifts in the first place?