Threat of a Money Claim

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

but I firmly believe that if this is something deeper like a breakdown then she won't get help until she realises she needs it.

Well - it certainly looks like that. Also there is the menopause to consider...grief for your Dad... you two leaving the nest..it's huge, what she's going through. I do entreat you to seek sympathetic medical help, for all your sakes. :hug:

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

MissFM, I didn't mean to imply that you were trying to guilt trip me! That's just something that's been playing on my mind for a long time, as yes, as someone suggested much earlier in the thread I help out a lot with things that my dad used to do ie helping her with renewing things like car insurance, helping her find the cheapest deal for bills, helping her with letters etc. Obviously now I am angry with her but I still worry about her as she's never had to do any of those things herself. I also feel very guilty leaving my brother in this situation if we don't make up, but I can hardly live with my aunty forever, there just isn't room.

Enquirer, your suspicions would be correct there.

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

It would be nice to think so. However, the OP has indicated that there is a long history of unpleasant behaviour.





One also suspects that if this follows the usual pattern, the 'making up' will consist largely of the other person giving way.

Enquirer - did you get out of bed the wrong side this morning?:caked:

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

but my dad died a while ago. In the week leading up to this, some developments happened relating to the hospital negligence he suffered as well as my granddad having an op to remove a cancerous tumour so I've been questioning whether this is a reaction to stress or some kind of breakdown.

^^^^ I think her reaction may well be due to an accumulation of these traumatic events. The thing is you also suffered these traumas so you and your mother should be on the same side right now not fighting each other. I guess the 'money thing' is a tangible issue whereas death is harder to argue.

My heart goes out to you

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

What's your Aunty's view?

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I also feel very guilty leaving my brother in this situation if we don't make up, but I can hardly live with my aunty forever, there just isn't room.

What's the timeline here? When is the wedding? Where is the wedding (UK or US)? When will you leave to live in the US?


And then let's consider the family dynamics. How long have you been living with your aunty? Is your aunty your mother's sister or your late father's sister. Is there any reason for your mother to see your aunty as a threat because you prefer to live with her and not your mother? That would make me proper angry if my daughter preferred my horrid sister to me!

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

PlanB, that's a very good point about death being harder to argue about, I hadn't thought about it that way.

The timeline is I got engaged in May. My mum did have a weird reaction to that actually. My brother moved to university in the September. There was a bit of a fall out there with her being angry about his girlfriend staying up there but that was sorted after a few weeks. The wedding was booked for August 8th but is now probably going to be sooner. The wedding is in the US due to visa reasons. I was going to leave for the US at the end of July but again, this will probably be brought forward now. Have been living with my aunty since last Sunday night when all this started. I don't think my mum would see her as a threat, I'm here because of what she did rather than choice. Hopefully my mum understands that. If I had a choice everything would be back to normal.

MissFM, my aunty is furious with my mother. As are my uncle and my cousins. My aunty is her sister so it hasn't exactly been easy for her either. She sent my mum a text on the Tuesday saying "hope you don't mind her staying with me, can hardly let her stay on the streets" and my mum sent back something insulting. My aunty told my nan about all this which I'm a bit cross about as she has enough to deal with, with my granddad being ill. They're both really angry with my mum too now. This is a horrible mess

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Powerchord this all sounds so horrid. Even though your Mum may be a drama queen :drama: it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you very dearly - trust me on this. xx

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

PlanB, that's a very good point about death being harder to argue about, I hadn't thought about it that way.

. . . . This is a horrible mess

You know what? I personally don't think this situation has anything to do with money. I'm no therapist (albeit I love Oprah Winfrey ) and yes this is a mess right now, but I don't see it as an incurable mess. I won't bore you with my family shenanigans but they're not that different. Me and my siblings have been at war (verbally and emotionally) for decades. If I'm honest we probably quite enjoy the back-stabbing etc because life would be boring without it

I have to go now but I'll be back tomorrow. Take Care.

Plan B x

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Is your Mum going to your wedding?

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Wide words PlanB, thank you

MissFM- she was! At the moment (things may well change, as you've both said) I don't think she'd be caught dead at my wedding now.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

At the moment (things may well change, as you've both said) I don't think she'd be caught dead at my wedding now.

Save her a seat just in case

That's probably the reason why my daughter says she wants to get married on a beach in Bali because:

(a) she knows I can't afford the flight

(b) she knows I can't stand the heat

and
(c) she knows that's where I went on my honeymoon and the marriage went downhill all the way after that :argue:

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I wish we could all see into the future, Powerchord, not just on a personal level but also on how our roles change (eg from daughter, to mother, to grandmother etc). I promise you that your Mum will be burning with every possible emotion with hopes for your happiness hidden at the center, however it may seem from the outside (or even to her).

This really needs to be repaired, doesn't it? x

[Inca]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Hiya...me again
I don't think 'she would have had to get a locksmith anyway' is a viable standpoint/argument...the fact is you got the locks changed on HER house without HER consent and tbh I would be furious too,that situation altho purely academic now,was handled very badly.
There's quite a few anomalies in the whole saga...and some bits that don't quite make sense but it's your issue and you must explain it your way...I'm sure the whole picture will slot together.
I don't quite know how to put this without sounding offensive but it's bothering me so I will ask anyway....is your family of a certain 'culture'? I ask because different cultures uphold different beliefs/structures...(in my religion I've broken just about every rule in the book,,I daren't go to church incase a statue that has stood for 1000's of years falls on my head) lol.
And don't even get me started on 'family' divides....mines a class all of it's own :faint:

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I wasn't using "she would have had to have called out a locksmith anyway" as a defence. Just to explain the situation better as I wasn't clear about the fact that the keys were actually in the locks as opposed to just inside the house. Also, pure semantics but it was just the one lock that was changed to allow me to get in. The other lock (back door) wasn't touched.What anomalies have you found? I haven't always been very clear in this thread, I do apologise.No, my family is not of a certain 'culture'.