Threat of a Money Claim

[powerchord]

The relationship between my mother and I has recently broken down due to actions on her part. I have moved out of the family home because of this.

I have since received a letter from her demanding back money for a number of things she has bought me. This letter is an itemised list with amounts for each thing. She states that if I do not "PAY UP ASAP" then she will be forced to take legal action. From looking online I am guessing that she is limited to either making a money claim herself or getting a solicitor to do it on her behalf. She is asking for money back for things such as my wedding dress which she bought for me, and has plucked the figures out of thin air. For example she is asking for £1000 back for the dress when it only cost £750 (I have the receipts to prove this).
The other thing she is demanding back is £6000 which I apparently have in my account from my dad's life insurance money. She originally put £20,000 of this money into my account and I sent £14,000 of this back to her on the first day that the breakdown of our relationship happened. She seems to think that I have the missing £6000, although she seems to conveniently be forgetting the £4000 stairs she just put in and the money she spent on Christmas using this money.

I am very scared that she is going to take legal action. Despite the fact that I am innocent, and I believe I would have enough proof (receipts, bank statements etc) to this end, I am unable to afford any legal help. The total amount she wants from me is over £10,000.

Would she be able to claim for things like my dress, which were 'gifts'- things she bought then gave to me? Would she be able to claim for the £6000 as it was in a bank account in my name? I am sure I can prove that she spent this money herself from the date of receipts for the stairs and my statements should show that the money was transferred to her account.

My point is, this isn't just a clear cut "here's some cash, pay it back to me". A lot of what she is demanding paying for was given to me in the form of goods which she didn't want to be paid back for until this week, so it is plain that she is doing this out of spite. As much as I try to reassure myself I am still very scared as I am due to marry a US citizen and get my US visa, so I am worried what will happen if I move abroad and she has filed something against me.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

This is all so sad

Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that you will be marrying and moving to the US? Could this be an emotional battle not a financial or legal battle? Could it reflect your mother's heartbreak at losing you to another man and another continent and not a threat based on spite? Weddings bring out highly charged emotions even in he most rational of beings.

I speak as a mother.

My parents were always threatening to make me pay back the school fees they had shelled out on me when they thought I was out of order. It was a controlling thing. Maybe try to reconcile with your Mum before this turns into WWIII.

Others will tell you your legal rights

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I absolutely share in PlanB's (& your) sadness at reading your post and feel for you intensely (in fact am presently in tears having read this).

I can't give you legal advice but will say that people are not at liberty to retract gifts freely given.

There must be another way around this - a way to repair your relationship with your mother - have you considered mediation?

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

That thought had crossed my mind, though we have been engaged since May and she has frequently said that she is happy for me although she will miss me. You may have guessed from the life insurance bit but my dad died a while ago. In the week leading up to this, some developments happened relating to the hospital negligence he suffered as well as my granddad having an op to remove a cancerous tumour so I've been questioning whether this is a reaction to stress or some kind of breakdown.

What happened was we dropped my younger brother off at his uni last Sunday and she just drove off without me. I came back to the house in total darkness and keys on the inside so I couldn't get in. I had nothing on me (medication, money etc) When she was in work the next day I got in with the help of a locksmith and took my things. It was then the phone calls started demanding money back and I received the letter yesterday (Saturday).

To be honest I'm feeling very hurt and very confused, the threat of legal action is terrifying me. I don't want WWIII, I just want everything to be as it was before but I have no idea how to go back and no idea how to go forward!

Thank you both for your kind words

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

That thought had crossed my mind, though we have been engaged since May and she has frequently said that she is happy for me although she will miss me. You may have guessed from the life insurance bit but my dad died a while ago. In the week leading up to this, some developments happened relating to the hospital negligence he suffered as well as my granddad having an op to remove a cancerous tumour so I've been questioning whether this is a reaction to stress or some kind of breakdown. That is extremely likely, imho.

What happened was we dropped my younger brother off at his uni last Sunday and she just drove off without me. I came back to the house in total darkness and keys on the inside so I couldn't get in. I had nothing on me (medication, money etc) When she was in work the next day I got in with the help of a locksmith and took my things. It was then the phone calls started demanding money back and I received the letter yesterday (Saturday).

To be honest I'm feeling very hurt and very confused, the threat of legal action is terrifying me. I don't want WWIII, I just want everything to be as it was before but I have no idea how to go back and no idea how to go forward!

I think that analysis may be correct. As a mother and grandmother I cannot conceive of any other reason for your mother's odd and hurtful behaviour and it's clearly out of character from what you say.

http://www.helptoheal.co.uk/help/family-counselling

may be of use, but I have no personal experience of them. I have a friend that does family counselling & will ask her for recommended routes.

:hug: Don't be too afraid - your mother loves you (we can't help but do so) and there will be a way through.

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I think you have just put the whole thing in context. Your Mum has lost her husband (he sadly died), her son (he's gone to uni) and now you (getting married and off to the US). This is bereavement big time.

When my daughter left home I was beside myself with pain although I now quite like it but only a decade later.

Give the woman a break. You both deserve one because you lost your father too

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

your mother loves you (we can't help but do so) and there will be a way through.

Tell me about it

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

What happened was we dropped my younger brother off at his uni last Sunday and she just drove off without me. I came back to the house in total darkness and keys on the inside so I couldn't get in. I had nothing on me (medication, money etc) When she was in work the next day I got in with the help of a locksmith and took my things. It was then the phone calls started demanding money back and I received the letter yesterday (Saturday).

Powerchord, as I'm sure you're aware, this is very peculiar behaviour. Have you discussed it with your GP? If you have a family doctor who knows you as a family it might be a sensible first base?

[enquirer]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

What suggests that this is not a breakdown, is the sheer, calculated, viciousness of it all. This is extremely controlling behaviour.

Should she be so unwise as to launch a claim, then you appear to have more than sufficient evidence to win. As the claim is malicious, you would claim costs.

There would of course be publicity, and everyone would find out how she has behaved. You might draw this to her attention.

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Sorry, by medication I meant MINE- I couldn't get in the house to get my asthma pumps etc which I need every day which is why I ended up having to get a locksmith to get me into the house. The behaviour is still out of the ordinary though, I agree, though not sure my GP could help as it's become quite large and you see a new/different GP each time you go, unlike when I was a child and I could remember the GPs' names.

I have been considering replying to her letter saying that I don't want things between us to stay broken and that I am hurting from this but knowing her that would make her angry. Likewise, if I continue to ignore the letter she sent me demanding money I am sure she will also become just as infuriated.

Enquirer, the viciousness and the swiftness with which she has done all this has shocked me. What you say makes sense. If she does claim, how would I state that I feel it is malicious? On the initial defence form or would it have to wait til court?

[PlanB]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

by medication I meant MINE- I couldn't get in the house to get my asthma pumps etc which I need every day which is why I ended up having to get a locksmith to get me into the house.

. . . . I have been considering replying to her letter saying that I don't want things between us to stay broken and that I am hurting from this

My daughter keeps her asthma inhalers in her handbag in case of emergency. You should maybe do the same.

Write your mother that letter saying you feel hurt too.

Where do you live? Are you currently locked out of your own home? It's not clear.

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

I do have spares in both my work bag and day to day bag but as we were just jumping in the car to drop my brother off I didn't take anything with me but my phone.

Sorry- on the first night I was locked out I ended up calling my aunty who picked me up. I've been staying here ever since and I'm welcome here for as long as I need.

[MissFM]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Sorry, by medication I meant MINE- yes, that was what I;d assumed I couldn't get in the house to get my asthma pumps etc which I need every day which is why I ended up having to get a locksmith to get me into the house. The behaviour is still out of the ordinary though, I agree, though not sure my GP could help as it's become quite large and you see a new/different GP each time you go, unlike when I was a child and I could remember the GPs' names. Still think it's worth a try - GP's have seen many things and are also a gateway to other services.

I have been considering replying to her letter saying that I don't want things between us to stay broken and that I am hurting from this but knowing her that would make her angry. Isn't that a risk worth taking? Could things get any worse? Likewise, if I continue to ignore the letter she sent me demanding money I am sure she will also become just as infuriated. Is your mother given to this kind of fury or is it brought on by grief?

Enquirer, the viciousness and the swiftness with which she has done all this has shocked me. What you say makes sense. If she does claim, how would I state that I feel it is malicious? On the initial defence form or would it have to wait til court?

Enquirer may be right - only you can decide - but some courses of action have no return and it's up to you whether you want to burn all bridges without going that extra mile looking for conciliation.

We as anonymous strangers give opinions based on our own experience, hoping to help - but it's your life and you have to live it and with whatever you decide to do. Wishing you the very best x

[powerchord]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Enquirer may be right - only you can decide - but some courses of action have no return and it's up to you whether you want to burn all bridges without going that extra mile looking for conciliation.

We as anonymous strangers give opinions based on our own experience, hoping to help - but it's your life and you have to live it and with whatever you decide to do. Wishing you the very best x

My mother is what I would call a "passionate" woman. She acts first, thinks later although nothing like this has ever happened before. She usually just says hurtful things in the heat of the moment and we make up afterwards.

I do appreciate all your kind words, thoughts and advice. It's all been very helpful. It's been good to get the advice of people who aren't emotionally involved. I think that once someone with some legal advice comes along I'll feel extra reassured- or prepared, as the case may be.

[Inca]

Re: Threat of a Money Claim

Hi,,,Firstly my condolences on the loss of your Father....as the other Beagles have said,grief does the strangest things to folks,,we all react differently..
Personally..I would have called the police to gain entry to her property but that's in the past now and cannot be changed.

You have 2 possible scenarios here,,she is either having kneejerk reactions to everyone 'leaving' her..you to USA your brother to Uni..maybe a family member could 'mediate'?
Or,,as enquirer says....this is a vicious nasty behaviour and could well be calculated to fit in with your brother going away from the family home so she can turn on you.
Either way,,,you need proper legal advice and quickly.
You say you can prove everything financially ,so she doesn't have a cats chance in Hell of making a law suit happen.

You are,sadly,finding out the hard way that Death,grief,money etc brings out either the worst or best in people,,nothing brings out someones true colours more than money.

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