Hi, I’m new but need advice

[Mollymum]

Hi, I’m in a difficult position with my 2 teenagers, they’re nearly 15 and 16 and My ex has an indirect contact order where he is allowed to write to them once a month. He took me back to court 2 years ago to say I wasn’t giving them the letters as they weren’t replying (I was!) so now the school gives them the letters so I’m taken out of the equation. They still don’t reply and they don’t even read them according to school. They really hate that he sends letters and have been recently asking if they can reply to tell him they want no contact with him and to stop writing. I don’t know where we all stand with this and don’t want to get dragged back through court if they say this to him. Any help would be appreciated as we’re all on edge. Thank you.

[jaguarsuk]

Hi, I’m in a difficult position with my 2 teenagers, they’re nearly 15 and 16 and My ex has an indirect contact order where he is allowed to write to them once a month. He took me back to court 2 years ago to say I wasn’t giving them the letters as they weren’t replying (I was!) so now the school gives them the letters so I’m taken out of the equation. They still don’t reply and they don’t even read them according to school. They really hate that he sends letters and have been recently asking if they can reply to tell him they want no contact with him and to stop writing. I don’t know where we all stand with this and don’t want to get dragged back through court if they say this to him. Any help would be appreciated as we’re all on edge. Thank you.

Depending on when this last went to court, going back might actually be in your favour. Part of any determination would be Cafcass doing a wishes and feelings report to the family court, the age of the children means this report would carry the most weight of the argument because they are old enough to fully express themselves, plus almost old enough to decide for themselves.

It might be better though to write to your ex, let him know what the children have said and suggest that if he keeps writing that he's not really helping his own cause. Suggest he stops writing, but instead send Christmas and Birthday cards/presents and an egg at Easter so that the children know he still thinks of them and if down the line their feelings change then they know they can approach him.

You may or may not be happy that the children don't want any sort of contact, but if you put it to him as though you are doing him a favour he might do it. If you put it to him another way he might think it's just you're being spiteful and harden his resolve to fight harder. All I'm saying is it's worth a try.