Friday smile

[Crazy council]

Re: Friday smile

Family Law Judge to Mother: Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?
Mother: I do.
Judge: Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?
Mother: Sure. I get everything I want.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
They don't become so attached to the lawyers.

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
Your Honour.

[slainte caragh]

Re: Friday smile

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 40?
Your Honour.

Reminds me of the old one, what's black and brown and looks good on an traffic warden's arm?

A rottwieller

[slainte caragh]

Re: Friday smile

What's ET short for?

Cos he only got little legs!

[thedirtyhound]

Re: Friday smile

A scruffy tramp was sitting against the wall of the Vatican.

The Pope leaned out of the window and spoke quietly to him. The tramp soon wandered away.

A rich American tourist who wanted an audience with the Pope had failed in his efforts. He had seen the Pope chatting with the tramp so gave the tramp a thousand Euros to swap clothes with him.

He then went and sat in the very same place and waited patiently.

After a few minutes, the window opened and out leaned the Pope again. He leaned over and whispered in the guy's ear:

"Didn't I just tell you to f*ck off?"

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

Stolen from my brother

Bloke goes to a restaurant and is told to pick his own fish, he chooses a lil green squid with a furry lip.

The waiter catches it then takes it to the commis chef.

Commis chef says "no no I cant kill the little green squid with the furry lip!"

Sous chef says "no no I cant kill the little green squid with the furry lip"



Chef Hans says oh ffs lemme do it. Takes one look and goes "no no I cant kill the lil green squid with the furry lip"


a voice from the dining room echoes round the kitchen

"Now Hans has become soft and gentle, with mild green furry lip squid!"

I am actually terrified by how long it took me to get this!

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the lawn to spell out "Trump is a knob."
Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.
"The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President."
Trump put his head in his hands “ How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this?"

"The handwriting's Melania’s."

[seduraed]

Re: Friday smile

Why does president trump have small hands?
So he can reach inside the bull to get the maximum amount of BSG. Ta da.

[slainte caragh]

Re: Friday smile

I laughed far too hard at this!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZt6eU5REN8

[thedirtyhound]

Re: Friday smile

- - - Updated - - -

Why does president trump have small hands?
So he can reach inside the bull to get the maximum amount of BSG. Ta da.

Sorry, I just don't get it. Can you please explain!

[Crazy council]

Re: Friday smile

same here [MENTION=107791]thedirtyhound[/MENTION] whats BSG [MENTION=9906]seduraed[/MENTION]

What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?


Snowballs.

[PAWS]

Re: Friday smile

[slainte caragh]

Re: Friday smile

Rrrrr im raging! I have had enough! I'll never help anyone again. EVER!! Either I'm too kindhearted, too stupid, or too gullible!! Out of the kindness of me heart and because it was so cold outside yesterday, I took a man into me home. Felt so sorry for him. Poor thing was frozen stiff, I had to carry him in. This morning he just vanished. Not a word, not even "goodbye" or "thank you" for sheltering him!! The last straw? I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!
Like SERIOUSLY ������ That's the "thank you" i get for being good to people?
Now I'm going to warn me friends/family to watch out for him! He is heavy set, and he's wearing nothing but a scarf. He has a nose that looks like a carrot, 2 black eyes and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks!! Don't bring him into your house! What a huge mess he made on our floor but he did leave me his scarf! He goes by the name of Frosty.

[charitynjw]

Re: Friday smile

Rrrrr im raging! I have had enough! I'll never help anyone again. EVER!! Either I'm too kindhearted, too stupid, or too gullible!! Out of the kindness of me heart and because it was so cold outside yesterday, I took a man into me home. Felt so sorry for him. Poor thing was frozen stiff, I had to carry him in. This morning he just vanished. Not a word, not even "goodbye" or "thank you" for sheltering him!! The last straw? I realized he had peed all over the living room floor!
Like SERIOUSLY ������ That's the "thank you" i get for being good to people?
Now I'm going to warn me friends/family to watch out for him! He is heavy set, and he's wearing nothing but a scarf. He has a nose that looks like a carrot, 2 black eyes and his arms are so skinny they look like sticks!! Don't bring him into your house! What a huge mess he made on our floor but he did leave me his scarf! He goes by the name of Frosty.

Surely not....

[Kati]

Re: Friday smile

[slainte caragh]

Re: Friday smile

Grizzly bear goes in to a bar and says "Can I please have a double............ Scotch on the rocks!"
Barman nods and says "Why the big pause?"
Bear says "I was born with em!!"