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The Death of Santa Claus

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  • The Death of Santa Claus

    There are about 2 billion children of the age 18 or below in the world, but since Santa Claus will ignore those believing in Islam, Hinduism, Judaism and Buddhism (except Japan), therefore according to the data from Census, the workload of Santa Claus includes only 15% of all the children, i.e. 378 million. According to statistics, there are on average 3.5 children in each family, so if we assume that there is at least one good child in each family, then Santa Claus has to go to 108 million families.

    Thanks to the self rotation of the earth and different time zones, if Santa Claus starts his journey from the East, and goes along to the West, then he would have around 31 hours of Christmas to finish his job. In this period, he must visit 967.7 families per second, i.e., putting the gifts in the stockings, placing the remaining gifts under the Christmas Tree, climbing up the chimney, jumping on to the sleigh and depart for the next family.

    For simplicity, let us assume that the 108 million families are evenly distributed on the surface of the earth. Then, the average distance between 2 families are about 780m, and the whole journey is as long as 75,500,000km, and this doesn't include taking rests and going to bathroom. Therefore the Santa Claus's Sleigh needs to travel in a speed of at least 650km/s, about 3000 times the speed of sound. Comparatively, the fastest ever artificially accelerated solar probe - Ulysses, travels at a sluggish speed of 27.4km/s only. Superman can fly at 1km/s. An ordinary reindeer at most can just run at 15km/h.

    There is another issue about loading. Assume that the gift that each child receives is just an ordinary Lego package (about 2 lb), then merely the gifts will consist of 500,000 tons. On earth, an ordinary reindeer can pull a weight of 300 lb. Assume that a flying reindeer has 10 times the power of an ordinary one, then Santa Claus still requires 360,000 flying reindeers to transport the gifts. But the total weight of 360,000 flying reindeers itself weights over 54000 tons, together with a sleigh that can afford such a weight of loading, this makes the total weight over 600,000 tons. This is about the weight of 30 Godzilla, or 78 Queen Elizabeth Ocean Liner.

    Similar to a space shuttle traveling back to earth, an object of 600,000 tons traveling at a speed of 650km/s in the atmosphere will have friction with the air and generate heat. The 2 reindeers in the front of the group will absorb 1.43 x 10^19 Joule energy per second, this make the poor reindeers explode in an instance, and the power will involve all the other reindeers behind and all of them will explode into ashes. Furthermore, the Ultrasonic wave pulse generated by traveling at 3000 times the speed of sound will destroy all the troop of reindeers, the sleigh and the gifts, everything will dissipate into thin air in the period of 0.00426 second, this is exactly when Santa Claus reaches the 5th family.

    However, all of the above are not important anyway. This is because when Santa Claus accelerated from rest to 650km/s in a period of 0.001 second, (recall that Santa Claus need to visit about 1000 families in 1 second) he must withstand 17,500G of gravitational acceleration. Even if Santa Claus is as slim as 250 lb only, he will still be crushed onto the backseat of the sleigh by 4,315,015 lb of pressure acting on him, crushing his organs and skeleton in an instance, leaving only a mince of meat.

    Therefore, if there were Santa Claus, he would be dead.

  • #2
    Re: The Death of Santa Claus

    mmmm mince pies
    #staysafestayhome

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    • #3
      Re: The Death of Santa Claus

      In that case then..... there's no need to carry on living!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



      I love you Santa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Wherever you may be.

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      • #4
        Re: The Death of Santa Claus

        Well he doesn't deliver them all personally, does he? because....

        a. He wouln't have time
        b. His reindeer would be knackered (he's a fully paid up member of the League Against Animal Cruelty)

        and most importantly...

        c. HE'S MAGIC, ISN'T HE???????? SO HE WOULDN'T NEED ALL THAT SCIENTIFIC LAWS OF GRAVITY MUMBO JUMBO STUFF ANYWAY!
        HE'D JUST SPRINKLE A BIT OF FAIRYDUST OR WHATEVER, GIVE A LITTLE WAVE, AND THERE YOU GO, JOB DONE. ALL IN THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE.

        God blimey, don't they teach anything in schools these days??

        I LOVE YOU TOO SANTA !!!!! :merry:
        Is no longer here

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        • #5
          Re: The Death of Santa Claus

          But what about the magic fairy dust that he uses to make all the presents smaller so they all fit in his sack, and the dust that he uses to make time stand still at midnight until he has delivered them all?

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          • #6
            Re: The Death of Santa Claus

            Oooops. seems Wendy has the same lessons as me!

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            • #7
              Re: The Death of Santa Claus

              Originally posted by Delta View Post
              and the dust that he uses to make time stand still at midnight until he has delivered them all?
              I know of a liquid that makes time disappear from midnight, and transport you to your bed with no knowledge of what happened in between.

              Is it the same type of stuff???

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              • #8
                Re: The Death of Santa Claus

                I dunno PK, I was always told it was magic fairy dust, seems it's good stuff, it makes the pressies smaller, makes time stand still and also make the reindeer able to fly.

                Maybe it's now a liquid and is called Red Bull!

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                • #9
                  Re: The Death of Santa Claus

                  Well the whisky and carrots always disappear overnight on Christmas Eve, so who's drinking that then? And its not me cos I don't like whiskey. SO IT MUST BE SANTA! So there! (Must put Southern Comfort out this year).
                  Is no longer here

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                  • #10
                    Re: The Death of Santa Claus

                    OMG Santa's dead???
                    When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.

                    When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

                    Paulo Coelho

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                    • #11
                      Re: The Death of Santa Claus

                      No its just a rumour put out to make us THINK he is. But we know better don't we.....
                      Is no longer here

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