Alternative Xmas Songs

[Paule]

Happily Addicted to the Web
(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy--although
My boss let me go--
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!

[Paule]

Re: Alternative Xmas Songs

All I've Got For Christmas Is Sued

(to the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is You - Mariah Carey")

You would think that coz it's Christmas,
Folks would just chill out (of course!)
And not care or get too antsy
If I hit them with my Porsche...
They'll take everything I own,
Litigate me to the bone
Season's greetings, dude...
All I've got for Christmas is sued!

Did my best to help this Christmas;
Tried to fix my neighbour's fuse
(Oh my!) Cue: sound of fire engines
The shirt off my back, I'll lose
So to make myself feel better,
For my office, bought a tree
Decorated it with tinsel,
Which then strangled the M.D...
Santa never gets this ****,
Lawyer smugly serving writ
It's just so dang rude;
All I've got for Christmas is sued...
ooooooh, CRAZY!

Still, because I so love Christmas,
Went out in Kris Kringle gear...(so fly!)
Some small wiseass pulled my beard off,
So I clipped him round the ear
Desperate to lift my spirits,
I went solo caroling
"Deck The Halls" out on the pavement,
One small problem: I can't sing!
Two new lawsuits I've got today;
Brat's dad and the EPA
Ring the bells...I'm screwed
I tell ya, all I've got for Christmas is sued
Suuuuued...GAILY!

(Oh no!)
My poor belt is tight'ning
I'm losing all my hair (it isn't fair!)
And the sound of ex-wife's
Laughter fills the air...
While you're all Christmas cheerin' (oh yeah)
I'm right now court-appearin'
Alimony, back-rent, child support for three...
I'm on Judge Judy regularly!

I don't want a lot for Christmas;
Maybe just some soup and bread
And a cardboard box that's snow-proof
Somewhere I can rest my head
Oh, this old hobo next to me
Wants some cash for "tenancy"
I ain't kidding you
Now a smelly, p1ss-drunk vagrant..... can sue!
ooooooh, JAIL ME!

[Amethyst]

Re: Alternative Xmas Songs

ooooo abomnibal radio gnome....wonder if i can find those lyrics on t'interweb.

cheesy but funny when you're nine

anyway Good King Wensclas and I saw Daddy kissing santa claus.

amused me greatly then - probably ****e now but hey ho twas the 70's.



bah can't find them so this is from memory (not the greatest lol)

Good King wensclas last got ****ed
on the feast of stephen
cops just passed two lads they missed
dum dum da de dum dum
brightly shone the crystal green
due to excess whiskey
dum dum dum de da da dum
dum dum dum de daaaaa daaaa daaaa

(the dum dum bits I forgot the words - hey was 20 years ago odd pmsl)
(same disc off private eye that one eyed trouser snake was on)


God I am sooooo boring :laugh: