Tweet
Ode of the Mammogram
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings and protected them by law,
Guarded them very carefully
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a mammogram
“ok”, I said “let’s do it”.
“Stand up here real close” she said
(She got my boob in line),
“and tell me when it hurts,” she said.
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes,
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vice!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt
Within it’s vice like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenceless tit!
“Take a deep breath,” she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine
And woozy I am getting.
“There, that’s good,” I heard her say.
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow!”
This machine was created by a man,
Of this I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!
For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings and protected them by law,
Guarded them very carefully
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a mammogram
“ok”, I said “let’s do it”.
“Stand up here real close” she said
(She got my boob in line),
“and tell me when it hurts,” she said.
“Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine.”
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes,
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vice!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt
Within it’s vice like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenceless tit!
“Take a deep breath,” she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine
And woozy I am getting.
“There, that’s good,” I heard her say.
(The room was slowly swaying.)
“Now, let’s have a go at the other one.”
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I’ll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow!”
This machine was created by a man,
Of this I have no doubt.
I’d like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!
Comment