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Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour
I think one important aspect to this you haven't addressed is you cannot coach her too much. Perhaps encourage her to write a list of things that are wrong, print out copies of emails, get her to read over it so she can digest it all and know 100% wholeheartedly that it is all a problem and not simply a case of her being felt to feel that way by YOU.
And I don't mean that in a nasty way either, people under duress and stress can react in lots of different ways, they can also end up distrusting or getting paranoid about the very people there to help them.
What you must do is help her with the list of things wrong, gently and carefully go through each item on the list, be supportive as much as possible, ask her does she want you present when the Police turn up or does she want you let them get on with it. Its most important you do that, because you NEVER want to come across as pushy or for the Police to get the idea that YOU are part of the problem.
If she has a list of the stuff thats wrong, and bullet points that say 'refer to email printout #1', then its better if she does all the talking, because she is the one who in the eyes of the law has the issue and problem.
At the end of it all you need to come across as supportive of her and any decisions she makes, as well as not slagging the father off in front of the girls, thats very key here.
If the girls say anything about him, or question him say "well what do YOU think about it?", and coerce them to use the critical thinking skills they have to analyse the problem for themselves, so YOU are not seen as the problem, the father is.
Also don't EVER be a wedge between the girls and their father, be as compliant and neutral as possible in the circumstances, certainly never slag off their father in front of the girls, so when their father has his eventual "so I suppose X has told you to do this and said i'm that has he?", and the girls can honestly turn around and say "actually he thinks its important we keep in touch with you dad, because he knows how he would feel if he were in a similar situation."
Part of the problem is the father having a problem with YOU. If you can neuter some of his conversation pieces to his daughters, it will sort a lot of tension out.
I had to do the same with my step-daughter, her father was to put it bluntly a complete and utter pillock who would make life as difficult as possible, after a year or so of this, he eventually grew out of it, because he didn't see me as the enemy anymore, because I didn't slag him off (even though he quite rightly deserved it), and any conversation he would have had with her would have been fairly short and would have moved onto other things.
I'm sure you're doing all of this, but it needs saying, because sometimes, the good guy gets shafted.
I think one important aspect to this you haven't addressed is you cannot coach her too much. Perhaps encourage her to write a list of things that are wrong, print out copies of emails, get her to read over it so she can digest it all and know 100% wholeheartedly that it is all a problem and not simply a case of her being felt to feel that way by YOU.
And I don't mean that in a nasty way either, people under duress and stress can react in lots of different ways, they can also end up distrusting or getting paranoid about the very people there to help them.
What you must do is help her with the list of things wrong, gently and carefully go through each item on the list, be supportive as much as possible, ask her does she want you present when the Police turn up or does she want you let them get on with it. Its most important you do that, because you NEVER want to come across as pushy or for the Police to get the idea that YOU are part of the problem.
If she has a list of the stuff thats wrong, and bullet points that say 'refer to email printout #1', then its better if she does all the talking, because she is the one who in the eyes of the law has the issue and problem.
At the end of it all you need to come across as supportive of her and any decisions she makes, as well as not slagging the father off in front of the girls, thats very key here.
If the girls say anything about him, or question him say "well what do YOU think about it?", and coerce them to use the critical thinking skills they have to analyse the problem for themselves, so YOU are not seen as the problem, the father is.
Also don't EVER be a wedge between the girls and their father, be as compliant and neutral as possible in the circumstances, certainly never slag off their father in front of the girls, so when their father has his eventual "so I suppose X has told you to do this and said i'm that has he?", and the girls can honestly turn around and say "actually he thinks its important we keep in touch with you dad, because he knows how he would feel if he were in a similar situation."
Part of the problem is the father having a problem with YOU. If you can neuter some of his conversation pieces to his daughters, it will sort a lot of tension out.
I had to do the same with my step-daughter, her father was to put it bluntly a complete and utter pillock who would make life as difficult as possible, after a year or so of this, he eventually grew out of it, because he didn't see me as the enemy anymore, because I didn't slag him off (even though he quite rightly deserved it), and any conversation he would have had with her would have been fairly short and would have moved onto other things.
I'm sure you're doing all of this, but it needs saying, because sometimes, the good guy gets shafted.
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