Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

[leclerc]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

In regards to the issue of child abuse, I do not believe that it is emotional abuse because I think that charge could be thrown at both parties. The law on children is such that realistically the best interests of the child is believed to be in having contact with both children. Remember, if the father has stated that he will not go to the wedding day of his children if the mother is there then he may well find that he will NOT be invited since the children will be of an age where they opinions count. To be honest, in a court situation the children's voices count now since they are of an age where they can rationalise their own thought. The 14 year old would definitely be considered gillick competant and the 12 year would have the right to refuse to see their father. Again if there are issues with contact then the court system is there or rather mediation is there to resolve them and this may well need to be explored if the current arrangements do not work.

If there is issues with picking them up from the house then a neutral venue should be chosen away from the home so that the home does not become linked with the stress of contact otherwise the children, in time, may not wish to really be at either parent's home in years to come. It is a difficult situation but it needs to be a stress free one for the children.

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

I could actually write a book about some of the stunts etc my s/daughters mother has pulled,,the lies she has told,the venom (all aimed at me..like a I give a rats backside what she thinks of me,I don't live with her and her opinion of me is of no concern)
OP,,you have to make your partner do everything she has been advised to do...you can't change anything if she won't bite the bullet........and quickly

[leclerc]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

http://www.cmoptions.org/

The above might be of use if he does not pay any child maintenance at all providing it did not go through the CSA at any point.....

[bluebottle]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

In regards to the issue of child abuse, I do not believe that it is emotional abuse because I think that charge could be thrown at both parties. The law on children is such that realistically the best interests of the child is believed to be in having contact with both children. Remember, if the father has stated that he will not go to the wedding day of his children if the mother is there then he may well find that he will NOT be invited since the children will be of an age where they opinions count. To be honest, in a court situation the children's voices count now since they are of an age where they can rationalise their own thought. The 14 year old would definitely be considered gillick competant and the 12 year would have the right to refuse to see their father. Again if there are issues with contact then the court system is there or rather mediation is there to resolve them and this may well need to be explored if the current arrangements do not work.

If there is issues with picking them up from the house then a neutral venue should be chosen away from the home so that the home does not become linked with the stress of contact otherwise the children, in time, may not wish to really be at either parent's home in years to come. It is a difficult situation but it needs to be a stress free one for the children.

This seems to me to be a sensible compromise, Leclerc. The two children in this case are going through a transitional period in their lives - puberty to adolescence to adulthood - and the last thing they need is the emotional turmoil being displayed by their natural parents at the venues mentioned.

[martinbrawn]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Good afternoon and thanks for all of your input.

My partner is displaying typical victim behaviour after his abuse and is in a mindset that maybe some of the things he says are true, this is typical behaviour if you are on the wrong side of a psychopath and narcissist.

I will pen an email that she will send, detailing that the only communication she wants from him is to detail any times, dates and places for contact pick up and drop off for the children.

Any further abusive, derogatory, defamatory and malicious emails will be reported to the Police with a view to prosecution under the ??? Act 1998.

We do not live together as due to the stress on the kids at present we did not want to move this forward, maybe we should to give them more stability.

I have first hand experience of dealing with this personality type and my work involves dealing with all personality types, and this one is one just to avoid.

To give you an example of what we are up against I will detail an email sent to him just a few weeks ago after another display by him of holding the kids ransom one sunday, 50 miles from their home at 6pm on a sunday.

"

I am writing further to my recent email to you, concerning my

difficulties meeting Contact transportation costs.

Given that you are no-longer living in the ********* area and have no

attachments there, and that as already communicated I am having

increasing difficulties prioritising fuel costs over feeding the girls a

proper diet and meeting all of their welfare needs, I am applying to

********* County Court to vary the location of Contact to the **********

area.

Since your existing contact takes place in a hotel room, of which there

are many in *******, and you already make the journey to the girls home

town, I am sure you could give this some careful thought.

I am deeply concerned by the emotional anxiety that E?????, in

particular, finds herself experiencing, which is provoked by conflict

when the current Contact Order is not adhered to and when she is asked to

inform me herself, by text, of changes you make to collection/pick up

times. E????? talks to me about her levels of anguish, and has sought

help from counselling, however we need to stabilise her emotional stress.

I understand that it is in the girls best interests that regular contact

continues, and believe that contact occurring in their home area could

help reduce anxiety issues regarding weekend and holiday transportation

and therefore be beneficial to their emotional well-being."


And his reply

"Good luck with that, I¹ll fight it all the way and if it¹s possible then I
will ensure that you have to put them on a plane to come here regularly
and pay for it too."

We do not have the money to drag him through court.

My partner spent £9000 going to court over maintenance and contact, he has not paid any maintenance for a year and has moved outside of the EU, to Switzerland, we have tried a REMO however the cost is too high for us to pursue. He bleated in court about what he wanted contact wise, for example, from 530pm on Friday till 530pm on the Sunday (alternate weekends), yet drops them off anytime from 2pm onwards without any notice to us. He wanted regular home phone conversations and pushed for this and never has, despite the children saying to Cafcass they wanted this too.

I hope you can all see why we are particularly frustrated when we do all we can for them and he gets away with everything, time after time.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Can't the CSA issue an arrest warrant for him over his non-payment of cock tax?

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Please don't 'pen' an email to him for her to send,,let her write one in her own words because I promise you he will know it's your words,,not hers and that just adds fuel to the fire,trust me.

IMHO,,this has gone on far too long,,and is a ridiculous situation,,the girls are going to be deeply mentally scarred by this and their Mum HAS to take control.
The eldest child is heading towards exams which she is going to struggle with at this rate.

GET IT BACK TO COURT..SOON ,,PLEASE......the girls are going to end up hating all of you if you don't put a stop to all this.

[wales01man]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Having followed this thread can I add this.
Don't send or answer emails except those concerning collection return if the girls.
Get back to court and go to the Police to see if any of his emails are abusive as in the law
Give the girls a fantastic Christmas and forget this Ahole for a while your OH needs support to get through this not more grief. let him rot in his own sad world he is worth nothing for putting his children through this

[martinbrawn]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Hi, change of plan, I have called 101 after his verbal abuse and banging on the front door on friday, demanding the children.

They are very interested and are coming to see us tonight.

[wales01man]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Good it needs sorting

[martinbrawn]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Unfortunately when he moved to Switzerland, my partner spoke to them , and innocently said the case is closed, ( as she thought it was as hes moved abroad) so they closed the case.

Shes a bit naive, hence why I am hoping to steer her, as she has asked me to do.

I have just been on the phone to 101 and they are coming to see her tonight, this abuse must stop now, they are very interested in the emails and the emotional abuse to the children.

Fingers crossed we can get the Police to talk to him and we moved forward with just communication on dates, times and places.

Can't the CSA issue an arrest warrant for him over his non-payment of cock tax?

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

That's a start..but be prepared for the girls to either clam up or completely refuse to speak to them.
Let your partner do the talking and be careful of 'prompting' her.
Please let us know how it goes

[martinbrawn]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

The children are with him, my partner lives in fear of him so I may to coach her along.

I will let you know tomorrow how it goes.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

the girls are going to be deeply mentally scarred by this and their Mum HAS to cut off his penis.

I've fixed your post for you. :rofl:

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

I've fixed your post for you. :rofl:

You read my thoughts Cloggy..msl: