Advice needed....

[Average_joe]

Hi i would like some advice please.
I have a 13 year old son with an ex partner who i havent seen for just over a year now. I keep trying to contact him through his mother by text message and phonecalls, at first i would get short sharp replies to the txts but now they just get ignored, she has totally turned him against me and we had a great relationship where i used to have him every weekend.
He turned 13 last week so i thought i would take the plunge and go to their house with his cards and gift. I stood knocking on the door for the best part of 30 minutes but no one answered and i know they were in because they closed the curtains when i turned up. So i tried phoning and txting but was ignored and cut off. In the end i left feeling very upset and deflated especially after seeing a banner up outside saying happy birthday teenager, love mom & "dad" meaning her new partner.
I am still paying maintenance as i have without fail since we split up, so my questions are:
1.do i still have to pay maintenance
2. Is there anyway i can find out if she has had his surname changed to her new partners?
3. Is there anyway i can find out if she has had him adopted with her new partner as he calls him dad and she did ask my permission once which i flat out refused.
Many thanks.

[Peridot]

Hi Average-Joe,

Sorry to hear about the issues you are having seeing your son. It is a really difficult age for all concerned. All I can say is persevere. How will your son know in the future that you have tried to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe consider writing to him. Just light stuff, maybe a postcard. Nothing too heavy and definitely nothing bitching about mum and new partner. Just letting him know you are there if he needs anything and always will be.

As far as paying maintenance and his having his name changed or possibly adoption, are you on the birth Certificate? If you are then you have Parental Responsibility. His name can't be changed and he couldn't be adopted without your permission. This link may help you understand what you can and can't do with Parental Responsibility: https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/wp-co...onsibility.pdf

It is very frustrating and will probably become even more irritating as he gets older and behaves even more like a teenager! All you can do is be there and let him know you are there if he wants to see/speak to you. Be careful not to be constantly contacting which may drive an even bigger wedge between you, just every month or so letting him know you are thinking of him. I'd also keep copies of anything you send for future reference.

Your son will be going through all manner of changes in the next few years so don't be too hard on him if he isn't interested. At least if he knows you are a constant he may come to you in time.

[jaguarsuk]

Just to add if you are in Scotland the below applies as being 13 your son would have been born in 2005:

_{Births registered in Scotland}

A father has parental responsibility if he’s married to the mother when the child is conceived, or marries her at any point afterwards.

An unmarried father has parental responsibility if he’s named on the child’s birth certificate (from 4 May 2006).

If unmarried in Scotland and on the birth certificate, if you have not applied for parental responsibility via the court since then you do not have it.