Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats App .

[Kittycat]

I will be as brief as possible.
Basically my Brothers wife and her new boyfriend are threatening him with physical harm and she has denied him access to his sons

In Feb my bro and his wife split up for good. They were getting along fine and he was seeing his sons twice a week. All was well. She got a new boyfriend, he got a new girlfriend.
All of a sudden a few weeks back, things went bad. He deleted the "Whats App" from his phone and she saw this has him wanted to "lose contact with his boys" He defended it by saying its just a phone app and he would call and text. Things got worse when she saw him (despite agreeing) playing with the boys and his girlfriend.
Now he was STILL paying the full rent on her house even while she was claiming housing benefit. So effectively, she was pocketing a lot of money while he was saving pennies for a lawyer.

So now my brother has been advised by a lawyer to reduce the payment as its too much, and get the ball rolling on divorce and mediation.
As soon as she heard this, she flipped. Her boyfriend has threatened him with physical harm, She has called his place of work and is constantly phoning him. She has been spotted at my mums place of work on a daily basis, he has text and called my brother with more threats.........but this isn't the end. She HAND WROTE a letter and demanded he sign it. When my brother said he wanted to read it first. She flipped, snatched the letter and drove the kids home.
Now there are more threats today, now including my parents, and she has not allowed him to see his sons once more. He has held his head up in all of this and not threatened her, yelled or flipped out. He is calm and seeking advice.
NOW. She is accusing him of raping her when she fell for their second son.........2 years ago.

They are due to go to mediation this week and she has threatened not to go.

I basically want peoples views of what he should do. At this moment he refuses to call the police despite being terrified of these threats, he doesn't want to jeapodise any contact with his sons. He is sticking by all his lawyer is saying and not retaliating back to her.
If you were in this situation would you call the police about the threats and the possible dangers his sons could be in if they are around someone who threatens people. Should he use this denying access, false accusations and harassment (as well as threats) as a leverage in any mediation or court.

Sorry to ask. we have never been through this and I want to know if there is anything else he can do.

Thanks

[MissFM]

Re: Any advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly.

Hi Kittycat,

I'm so very sorry to read this - what a sad situation for you all.

You ask whether others on here would involve the police in the light of the threats and I can only say that, in the situation described, personally I probably would. Things have escalated to such an extent that something needs to happen to pour cold water on it all and for sanity to return.

If the children are in any danger at all then you should also involve social services as a matter of urgency, IMO.

I really hope things will calm down for you all and get into some kind of proportion, very soon:hug:

You will get a lot of informed help here xx

[Kittycat]

Re: Any advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly.

Thanks.
Its not nice as she has been a great sis in law and daughter in law these last 8 years and now, she has turned nasty all because He is moving on with his life and finally not letting her control him.
We think they are empty threats, but we are all still worried and the police need to be informed. As well as Social Services. His sons are around a man who is threatening people.
All he wants is to see his boys and she is not allowing him. Surely this will go better for him in front of a judge. The mother is threatening and stopping him seeing the kids while he is doing exactly what any father needs to. Staying calm and following legal advice.

[Johnboy007]

Re: Any advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly.

A threat is a threat, and he should report them to the police and get himself a CAD Number.
This number is unique to his complaint, so is evidence for future use.
Reading between the lines, it appears that his ex is jealous of his new relationship.
She obviously 'wants her cake and eat it'.
A life with her new boyfriend, with her ex paying the bills.
She probably was jealous to see your brother's girlfriend on friendly terms with the kids.
This is commonplace.
As for mediation, it is not always wise to be seen to be running down your ex partner.
It could turn against him, and his ex may claim that he is always running her down and lying about her.
Gather the evidence first.
I would certainly advise him to do what his lawyer advises at this stage.
If you decide to report this to social services, make sure you have evidence to back it up.
His ex should also be careful of benefit fraud allegations.
You could use this as a lever in any negotiations.
Try to tape all phone conversations, and save any texts.

[Kittycat]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Thanks for the replies guys.
The threats have slightly backed off at the moment but she is being a right cow about everything now.
Not only is she and her new boyfriend following my mum at work, her bf shouted at my auntie who works with mum and is a dead ringer for her. She is calling my brothers work and then hanging up, or asking for him saying its about the boys.........and then either yelling or hanging up.

Now she is blackmailing him to see his kids. he was paying her full rent but on recommendation of his lawyer he knocked it down. He was still paying WAY more then he should be.
As soon as he told her he was knocking it down more. She stopped him seeing the boys. He did see them one night and all she done when she picked them up was accuse him of not feeding them, not changing the baby etc. (my mum is recording everything so she has evidence) Even I was there one evening while the boys had tea.

Once more she has stopped him seeing the boys. My brother is almost begging her each time to see his sons, but she is not replying. She didn't tell him when the baby was hurt a few weeks ago and stopped my brother seeing him just so she could hide that fact. THEN she accuses him of not asking about the babies injury when NONE of us knew. Her excuse was "it was on FB" well she is not friends with any of the family now and no one knew.

Now its been nearly 3 weeks and he has once more not seen his sons in that time.

Is there anything he can do to demand access?

He only connects with her via text as she yells at him when they talk. And she is not even replying to them texts. Even I am missing the boys now and its upsetting my brother a lot.

[Kittycat]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Okay so it continues on today.........my birthday!!!!!!!

I get a fb post, with me as the only person to see it, from her sister saying my brother is a crap father who refuses to pay and doesn't deserve his kids. THEN her mother does the same, but to ALL of FB. Calling him a B as well as insulting my dad. All the comments are insults to my brother and claims he is a dead beat dad who "doesn't" want he pay for his kids.
HE DOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But he wants to see them too.

He pays the correct amount for the 2 boys, each week on time. She still demands more, sends abuse to him every day. And she is now spreading lies about him not wanting his boys.
I am a placid person and will NOT reply back to anything bad. But I am so tempted to reply and tell them what she is doing.

He is taking her to court for visitation.
Is there anything else we can do? Or I could do to help?
I know its stupid but I want to help stop this. I want to see my nephews again. 2 months to xmas and I have lost hope of seeing them before then and even at xmas.

[Amethyst]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Happy Birthday

Not a very nice pressie was it. The gitbags.

[Amethyst]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

He is doing the right thing you know, keeping calm and taking it through the formal legal channels, it will be tough on all of you but it really is the best way to get a long term solution fixed.

[Kittycat]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Thanks Amethyst.
It was done on purpose, today of all days. She couldn't get him to cave so she has gone after me to provoke him.

I know him going to courts is the best. I am just afraid that in the meantime the 2 boys (20 months old and 6 years) are being told their dad, Auntie and Grandparents dont love them!
I am not a mother, are kids really that impressionable at that age? I dont them growing up thinking her BF is their dad.

And now she has her family poisoning the kids minds too.
I have been reading up on Fathers access to his kids and as they were married when the kids were concieved and he is paying £40 a week (the correct amount) he has every right to see his kids. She is "breaking the laws" so to say.
Bring on the courts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Amethyst]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

The amount he is paying is completely irrelevant to him seeing the children. He should keep paying towards to upkeep of the children, but it shouldn't be used against him or to blackmail him if he doesn't pay he won't see them.

He has every right to see his children as he is their father and has parental responsibility. I'm sure his solicitor will have been through everything with him and will be helping him do the best thing possible to ensure future access to the children.

The 20 month old probably won't really know anything at all what's going on, the six year old is more impressionable. In my mind the sooner he can go to court for child arrangement order the better, he can get cafcass involved to help work out what is best for the children.

To me it sounds like her relationship with her new BF isn't great, and your brother having a new GF has removed any possibility of backtracking and she's affronted at that. You never really know how a couple's relationship is behind closed doors, including how it was between your brother and his wife.

There really isn't anything you can do other than be there to support your brother when he needs it.

[Kittycat]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Well according to the hundreds of comments and posts on FB right now "the boys are happier without him around" and of course her family are all replying "yeah you can tell" "so true" etc etc
They need to see their real father. Its only fair.
I am worried they will convince the 6 year old that he is better off without his real dad and that this BF is his dad. The way her family are acting right now, its a possibility and it hurts me.

[Amethyst]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Why not block her from FB - I guess thats how you get updates how the kids are doing so you're stuck with it - it's said for effect and you just have to try ignore those comments - if everyone was so happy without him around , why keep bugging him and calling him at work and following your mum about, and sending his sister facebook messages, on her birthday, that's not a sign that everyone's much happier without him really. It's a sign that they are trying to hurt him because the other side wasn't greener after all and actually sounds like it was a sludge puddle.

[Kittycat]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

I want to block them but as you say its the only way of seeing the boys grow up. It was the ONLY way we knew the 20 month old had broken his fingers. She didn't even call my brother to tell him!
If they carry on, I will block them.
You def put a different slant on it, it really is hard to tell why she is doing it. Its mostly money related. She now realizes she can't use his money for her tattoos or her BF's beer. She ACTUALLY has to use it for the boys food and clothes.

[leclerc]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Well according to the hundreds of comments and posts on FB right now "the boys are happier without him around" and of course her family are all replying "yeah you can tell" "so true" etc etc
They need to see their real father. Its only fair.
I am worried they will convince the 6 year old that he is better off without his real dad and that this BF is his dad. The way her family are acting right now, its a possibility and it hurts me.

apologies for stepping in here but I think those facebook posts should be printed out because the law as it stands encourages both parents to be part of their children's lives. I would add that those posts would ensure that any supervised contact would be done via someone who would be neutral rather than a supervised visit with people who are doing the poisoning. Some children can be influenced by the person who is their primary care giver because of the potential consequences of not toeing the party line.

I completely agree with Amethyst in regards to the issue of maintenance and contact. Maintenance for the children should be maintained and no threats should be made. It should however, be at the appropriate level. Contact should always be separate to that because otherwise maintenance will be a weapon(as Amethyst has said).

[Kittycat]

Re: Advice gladly accepted. Brother and Wife Divorcing and its getting ugly. Whats Ap

Thanks for the advice. I have printed and screenshot what I can. My brother is taking note of it all.

I am a bit upset right now.
A few saturdays ago, me and my hubby went for our usual long walk and we have to walk past the top of the road where "she" lives. Typically she was putting bins out when we walked past. We carried on, I didn't even look at her, she then texts my brother to accuse ME of stalking. He explained to her what happened.
THEN I have now found a message in my Others box from the 14th (so 6 days after our walk) from the BF telling me my family wont see the boys, the boys have forgotten us, we are scum and if me and my husband carry on stalking them they will do us for harrassement. He ends it calling me a "b******* f****** retard"
That morning we went for our walk, and as usual I track it on the internet for exercise reasons. We went to the cinema and home again (via a different route) How can that be stalking!!!!

I am LIVID.
I have never met him, never once said anything bad to them. I am a very sensitive soul and cry at anything. I love the boys and miss them so much. I hate conflict and even walk out of a room if someone raises their voice.
So to be accused of stalking has upset me so much.
So him an accused rapist (google Stephen Brawn!!..........yes thats him with all those news reports) has the cheek to accuse me of stalking and abuse me like that.

Is there something I can do that wont effect my brothers case? I dont want to be accused of this from him.
What is also upsetting is my ex sis in law knows the type of person I am and knows I would never do anything like that.
I know its scaremongering but it has really upset me.

Thanks for letting me vent.