Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Will the itemised phone bill state texts received ?

[Galahad]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Will the itemised phone bill state texts received ?

Yes, it will state which number they came from, time and date, but not the content of the messages, hence why copying the messages themselves is sensible.

Be meticulous

[charitynjw]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

As regards the house, it might be in negative equity at the moment, but when things improve (eternal optimism!), you don't want to lose out.

Can a lien be put on it?

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Hi all little update.

He dropped the kids there yesterday and things got heated. She said that hes not having them back and to bring all their stuff over. She also threatned to hit is mother ( shes 70 by the way, so thats what he is dealing with) He called the police but they said there is nothing they can do. She lives in a bedsit by the way. The kids got all upset because they didnt want to stay there. She then called in the afternoon and said that shes got stuff to do so pick them up at 5pm???? He is going to see his solicitor this morning and Ive said to him that i think all emotion needs to be taken out of this and he needs to have a proper conversation with her to try and find out what she really wants to do. Hes convinced that she just wants the kids so she can get a house from the council and benfit so she doesnt have to work. I guess he knows her better than I. Can I ask, is either party allowed to just say that the other cannot have the kids back? As stated before there is nothing sorted regarding the kids. He applied for a residency order but she ignored it and his soliciotr said that because she ignored it that there was no case to answer ? As you can probably see i have no idea what I am talking about regarding this lo.

Hope your all well

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Well,,his solicitor sounds helpful ! (NOT)......of course the first thing to be dealt with is the children,they are going to end up mentally scarred by all this.
I suggest he either puts a rocket up his solicitors backside or he finds one that will actually deal with the case..Forget the house/money issues for now and get the residency order sorted.He holds all the aces,,he has the children with him but he will lose them if he doesn't buck his own and his solicitors ideas up...he needs to be forceful,,not just sit back and say 'oh well..thats that then'
I'm not trying to be rude but doing nothing (except involving the police) isn't beneficial to the children.

[wales01man]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Agree with INCA its the kids first

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

yeah I agree as well/ I spoke to him about this yesterday and said that the kids are suffering as they are being used as weapons. So getting back to the ex refusing to let them have his kids back when he drops them for a visit, it that legal if they live with him or is there nothing he can do as there isnt an order in place? Also hes got a new solicitor who has re started divorce proceedings as the other one cocked it up and in with the divorce is the childrens custody case.

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

The keyword here is 'legally'. They don't 'legally' reside with him. He isn't 'legally' the parent with custody. Unless and until he gets a court order 'legally' naming as resident parent she is as entitled to have the children with her as he is.
I've actually been through the same thing (step-daughter),,and my OH obeyed the court to the letter,,and her Mum now cannot refuse to let us see her,,Judgement says so.
The police are between a rock and a hard place until he gets it legally set down that he is PWC (parent with custody).
The other thing he needs to be careful of as well is too much police involvement because that will get Social Services alerted and open things up in a direction he really won't want it to.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok thanks very much, thats what i thought. Social services are working with him so they are already involved due to the domestic violence accusation. I am going with him to see his solicitor on friday as he never seems to ask the right questions and because of that he never really knows where he is at so i will sort that on friday. It seems that she wants the kids even though they dont want to live with her. The apparent agenda is so she can get out of the grotty bedsit which she currently has with her new bloke and his little girl and get a big family home for them all together with maintenance from him. This seems to be the underlying current so i guess he should prepare himself for that. I have told him that he really needs to speak to her, as unemotionally as possible, to find out what she actually wants so he really knows then what he is dealing with.

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Is your friend working? does the mother work? The whole situation will be looked at very carefully,,noone will rip the kids away from him without really good reason.
He's lucky to have a friend like you to support him,,he's going to have to buck his ideas up and box very carefully cos if she has a hidden agenda he could find himself caught out unexpectedly.
Tell him to keep the Social on his side..and don't resort to pettyness,bitching or tit for tat silliness...he needs to keep 'clean hands' in all of it,,however much he wants to p*** her off.He has to show he is the better parent for the children.
Good Luck

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

OK she works full time he doesnt cause he has the kids, however he does a little bit of work on the side to keep money coming in. He doesnt claim benefits so there no funny business going on. I think hes feeling a little beaten after yesterday and thinks that maybe he should sit the kids down with him and his ex and ask them in front of them both where they want to live as they tell the mum they want to live with her and then they tell him they want to live with him. I said under no circumstances is he to do that as that is completely traumatic for the children. Hes thinking of letting her have the kids without a fight and then waiting for her to cock up and then he gets them back because hes so
worried that the kids are getting so upset. I think he should really make that decision once hes seen his solicitor. He is weakened through his lack of knowledge and his rights which is why im trying to help him.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

heavy going all this isnt it

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

I kid you not hun,,it;s a sodding nightmare of biblical proportions and it gets worse long before it gets better.
If he is entitled to benefits then he MUST claim them.......who is getting the Child Benefit and Tax credits?
The very worst thing he could do is put the kids in the position of having to choose between them,,leave that to the mother to do and let the Judge chew her head off for doing it.
It's very demoralising when the ex keeps playing up and I can understand his weariness with all of it but he has to ask himself,,deep down inside,,who are the children going to be better off living with?
I suggest you sit down with him and do a basic list of pros and cons with him having custody rather than her,,and from what you have said he certainly seems the best option.
This isnt about him v her .......this is about kids who need safety,security and the love of both parents.
AND the kids will play one off against the other cos all kids do,

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Yep Inca that's already started , the playing off bit. I'm tired and I've only been involved in it all for a little while, I do really appreciate all of your help on here. Your all life and sanity savers lol .

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

You're always welcome to advice on here,,it's free and there's plenty of it I'm only giving you the benefit of my many years strolling this planet as a divorced Mum,,others know loads about the legalities etc.
His job will be basically 'building' a case....so he must start with THE most important bit..legal custody of his kids..the rest will follow on.