What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

[PlanB]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

That is precisely what I want to show my daughters: that I am protecting them from the exposure to this pernicious affair and that I am making my wife respect me so that they do look up to me.

Exactly what is it you want to teach your daughters, that they should respect their husbands no matter what? I've spent a year helping a Muslim woman who suffered 17 years of domestic abuse from her husband because her father told her she had to endure it so as not to bring shame on the family. I'm not suggesting for one minute that your relationship with you wife has been violent, but I want to make the point that you have to stop and think very carefully how you influence children's mindsets.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Inca:

Well, she would be taking a risk like this with the next one, would she not? He has never had kids and I have proved I am top dad. I bet she has not even run a check on him. Why would I (or her) trust him with my kids? The only thing this man has done is to buy her flowers which is what the average creep does, especially when he knows he is party to an illicit affair. Better a devil that you know (me), just tell him to get his a*se off his office chair and take you to a fancy restaurant, for a change.
He is not a knight in shiny armour who came to rescue from a life in hell, he just happens to have no wife or kids to support so all his money is flowers and restaurants money. He divorced before he even got to having kids, does that not say anything to my wife?

[bluebottle]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Well, at least that explains her state of mind and why she is behaving like a complete tit. A frank discussion with a legal professional as to your options and the best way forward is, probably, going to be the best advice I can give you at present.

[PlanB]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I do not know if I can post web links but see this:
http://infidelityinfo.com/what-is-an-affair-fog/
People in this state do not listen to reason.

The concept of an *Affair Fog* is interesting. In my day we used to call it infatuation, and Jane Austen made a career out of writing novels about it. The author of that blog makes a good point too when she says you need to wait for the fog to lift.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Plan B:

Of course, "I do not mean to say you are like this, but I know of this awful muslim man who mistreated his wife for 17 years....."

Come on!:bored:

[Inca]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Ok,,that's enough,,People on here have given you their time,patience and understanding and all you have been is selfish,obnoxious and downright rude!! Whatever your wife has or hasn't done I suggest you take a good hard look in the mirror and in your soul,,because it's pretty obvious you shoulder NO blame for anything. have fun destroying everyone around you with your poison.

[PlanB]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Plan B:

Of course, "I do not mean to say you are like this, but I know of this awful muslim man who mistreated his wife for 17 years....."

Come on!:bored:

I'm trying to get you to question yourself not me. That's all. You're angry and you're spoiling for a fight.

But since you've singled out my comment do you feel able to answer this question: have you ever hit your wife?

[Eloise01]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

That is precisely what I want to show my daughters: that I am protecting them from the exposure to this pernicious affair and that I am making my wife respect me so that they do look up to me.

I am sorry, I am going to say it once more and then stop flogging the dead horse (apologies to the horsemeat thread!). I am sure you don't find this at all sympathetic, but believe me, it is.

This is the 21st century and not the 16th. You cannot MAKE someone respect you. And I am sorry, but your daughters are really NOT going to be "morally corrupted" for life by this. Your daughters are growing up in a period of time when they can make their own informed choices about their personal morality. They can freely choose to express their sexuality and sexual preferences. They can choose marriage and fidelity, or not. They can choose to have children, or not. Your personal choices are not and will never be theirs. The best legacy you can give your daughters is unconditional love and the example of being a mature and reasoned adult, so that when they make their choices they know that WHATEVER those choices are, you will love and support them and not attempt to force your own moral imperatives on them.

Nobody knows if your wife still loves you or could love you again. But it is pretty certain that you cannot force her to. And this sort of absolute certainty in your moral right just isn't going to do it. Quite the opposite. Maybe it's a mid life crisis. Maybe she doesn't love you any more. Maybe..... There's dozens of maybes. But pretty much for certain, this is not the time or the place to be playing God. You do not decide morality for anyone other than yourself. Frankly, even IF she decides that it was a mistake, a flirtation or whatever, what reason other than your own self-righteous position (which WILL NOT WASH) are you giving her to want to come back? It takes two to tango - it takes two to screw up a marriage. This is not about blame. I've been married twice. Once to someone who cheated on me with my own friends. Once to the love of my life who died. If I was utterly and brutally honest, my first marriage was a mistake. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I did not cheat. I never thought of doing so. But now, years later, I know why he did. That's nobody's business. But divorce was the best thing for us.

[MissFM]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I'm trying to get you to question yourself not me. That's all. You're angry and you're spoiling for a fight.

But since you've singled out my comment do you feel able to answer this question: have you ever hit your wife?

Freddie - PlanB like everyone else here is trying to help you.

The legal situation has been explained and it's no doubt unpalatable - but it is what it is.

As has been said - everyone here is giving up their time - and expertise (which in some cases is considerable) - for free - and they only want to help. There is no other agenda. If uneasy questions are asked, it's because honest answers are needed to give the best advice.

Everyone here is just looking to find the best solution for you, your children, your future and that does mean asking some hard questions.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Is this matter due to go back to court any time soon, Freddie? Have you spoken to a legal professional about having the NMO quashed?

She wanted an ex-parte order which she could not get, so she got the Without Notice one and I only had 4 days to go to court so I had not time to hire a solicitor, I only bought one hour of advice and I wrote my statement of defence myself and went to court against her solicitor. I asked for the NMO to be lifted, she did not even want the no communication item removed. I convinced the judge it was unreasonsble so he removed it. A b*gger like me, with no legal training beat a fully trained solicitor who chose to believe my wife's lies. That afternoon my wife called me on the phone to ask me to collect the girls from school. D'oh!
Her solicitor asked the judge to remove me from the house immediately. He liked my statement and was having none of that so he gave me the chance to a contested hearing on 12th April where I will get the chance to expose all of my wife's lies.

I will even go as far as to say that my wife genuinely believed that I was violent to her as people in the Affair Fog begin to believe their own lies.

My wife started a new job (in another town) the day the hearing took place. She wanted me out of the house and she had no chance of being able to look after the girls without me. Now I have been the house-husband and still the main provider as I earn more than her. I work from home. This is as well as spending half of my time dealing with this reckless action. My wife looks totally shattered at the end of her first week in her new job. I can work 11 hours a day 7 days a week and that is why my wife got p1ssed off with me as I was not giving her enough attention. Funny old world.

Did I forget to say that my wife has a police record and a caution for Actual Bodily Harm on me CLEVERCLOGS? and that I did not press for a full criminal conviction because I did not want the mother of my children in prison, because I did not want to lose my wife, because I did not want to ruin her career prospects and because I did not want to split my family?

[IanM]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

FreddieD, if there have been no previous incidents of violence etc. between your wife and yourself then the NMO should be quite easy to get removed. Any outburst of violence could be put down to a burst of anger at finding your wife having an affair with no regard to the marriage or her children but any further acts or threats of violence will go against you 100% so use your head instead.

Your wife will not stop the affair no matter how much you love her so maybe you should accept defeat and start planning for the future for you and your kids.

Visit a solicitor and ask how you can remove your unfaithful wife from the home without her taking the kids from you and make sure you cover every legal right you may have as the father before you do anything else.

Once you have established your rights to retain custody of your kids then grow some nads and change the locks. Tell her that your home is where you and your kids live as a family and as she no longer wishes to be part of the family she is only welcome in your home to visit her children at times that are regular but convenient to yourself.

If this was the other way round and a man was having an affair you can garauntee this is what would happen, along with the usual shouts of "he's been violent towards me and frightens the kids....etc." to stop him seeing his kids unless arranged through proper channels etc.

My advice is my own opinion and no, before anyone asks, i have not been through any situation like this myself , although i have seen a friend go through the same scenario.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Plan B:

Simple answer: one slap on the arm when we were pushing and shoving each other in the kitchen once

[Eloise01]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

She wanted an ex-parte order which she could not get, so she got the Without Notice one and I only had 4 days to go to court so I had not time to hire a solicitor, I only bought one hour of advice and I wrote my statement of defence myself and went to court against her solicitor. I asked for the NMO to be lifted, she did not even want the no communication item removed. I convinced the judge it was unreasonsble so he removed it. A b*gger like me, with no legal training beat a fully trained solicitor who chose to believe my wife's lies. That afternoon my wife called me on the phone to ask me to collect the girls from school. D'oh!
Her solicitor asked the judge to remove me from the house immediately. He liked my statement and was having none of that so he gave me the chance to a contested hearing on 12th April where I will get the chance to expose all of my wife's lies.

I will even go as far as to say that my wife genuinely believed that I was violent to her as people in the Affair Fog begin to believe their own lies.

My wife started a new job (in another town) the day the hearing took place. She wanted me out of the house and she had no chance of being able to look after the girls without me. Now I have been the house-husband and still the main provider as I earn more than her. I work from home. This is as well as spending half of my time dealing with this reckless action. My wife looks totally shattered at the end of her first week in her new job. I can work 11 hours a day 7 days a week and that is why my wife got p1ssed off with me as I was not giving her enough attention. Funny old world.

Did I forget to say that my wife has a police record and a caution for Actual Bodily Harm on me CLEVERCLOGS? and that I did not press for a full criminal conviction because I did not want the mother of my children in prison, because I did not want to lose my wife, because I did not want to ruin her career prospects and because I did not want to split my family?

Hmm - you really are quite an objectionable and arrogant man who thinks that you are really clever and really perfect, and so entitled. I can't imagine why she is even looking at another man. And for the record - "affair fog" does not explain why someone thinks you are violent. Being violent explains it though! You came on the site asking how you could defy a NMO whilst trying to look innocent. You haven't changed your tune.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Eloise01:

You educate your children the way you want to. I will educate my daughters to become respectable and dignified ladies with rectitude in their actions and a moral code that includes faithfulness when they form their own relationships. They are certainly not going to learn that from my wife, at present.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Eloise01

I am not interested in your opinion, capisce?