Help needed - Asking for a friend - Has she had good advice regarding Consent Order

[Scrumpy11]

Morning.

I really could do with some advice for a friend. My friend has her children, her partner sees his children one night a fortnight, (his choice). My friend is receiving benefits, mistakenly instructed a Solicitor of which she cannot afford. The solicitors have drafted a consent order, ready for the Court. Her partner states his solicitor has instructed him not to consent to her order, he needs to do his own. My friend has pain £120 towards consultation and letter to her partner, who states he has not received it. The solicitors are now seeking a further £250 for a few emails which were exchanged in May. My friends solicitor has stated that she will not get any help towards Court fees as there is no domestic violence committed by her partner. I have noticed on a Government site that she could be entitled to help as she is on benefits.

Questions:

Would my friend be entitled to financial help as she is receiving benefits, due to being Employed?
Is my friend better off with/ without a Solicitor? She cannot afford one. Further to this, her partner will never agree on anything she says.
Can my friend terminate her Solicitors? what would be the implications?

Personally, I do not see the point in her applying for such an order as he will never agree to any of her terms.


I appreciate any assistance which can be offered.

[Celestine]

This is the problem facing most divorcing couples these days, there is zero legal aid help for people even on low incomes and where children are being affected.

She can terminate the solicitor whenever she wishes but she will need to pay any outstanding fees. The consent order she had drafted could be used at a future point without lawyers if the parties agree. She could even try and suggest to her ex that she is dis-instructing so that they may make an amicable agreement in the interests of the children.
She can self represent through any legal process, she may get some reduction or exemption in court fees. Check out the .gov website for forms to apply for fee remission.

As for how to make a reluctant ex co-operate, sorry no easy answers there. As he is only seeing his kids once a fortnight, at least he's not trying to get custody etc. What does she want to achieve with the consent order? What needs changing?

[Scrumpy11]

This is the problem facing most divorcing couples these days, there is zero legal aid help for people even on low incomes and where children are being affected.

She can terminate the solicitor whenever she wishes but she will need to pay any outstanding fees. The consent order she had drafted could be used at a future point without lawyers if the parties agree. She could even try and suggest to her ex that she is dis-instructing so that they may make an amicable agreement in the interests of the children.
She can self represent through any legal process, she may get some reduction or exemption in court fees. Check out the .gov website for forms to apply for fee remission.

As for how to make a reluctant ex co-operate, sorry no easy answers there. As he is only seeing his kids once a fortnight, at least he's not trying to get custody etc. What does she want to achieve with the consent order? What needs changing?

Afternoon Celestine,

I appreciate you getting back to us so swiftly with your advise.


I dont think they will ever agree as her ex partner will not even agree to a Divorce, despite them being separated for over 4 years. He has a new partner and work commitments. My friend feels like shes being left to do everything, she has no life other than children, (which she would not give up for the world). My friends parents have just moved to Wales, my friend had the opportunity to follow them as her family would help her into a new home. My friends ex-partner has threatened suicide if she goes, so shes decided to stay in a home she is not happy to be in.

To her friends, myself included, we feel she would be better off moving to Wales, which is what the children want. My friend and her ex-partner both drive and could meet half way, its not like he wants to see his children everyday or every weekend. My friend has a massive heart, shes thinking of her ex-partner, so decided to stay.


Sadly, I believe its his way or nothing.

[ostell]

So your friend should call his bluff and move to where she and the children would be happier. She would find that the fortnightly visits would disappear if there was inconvenience for him to collect.

[Celestine]

That is coercive control.
The use of suicide threats to dictate where she lives?
The reluctance to let her move but he only sees the kids once a fortnight?
Hmmmm

If she hasn't even managed to get a divorce then that explains a lot.

This needs a baby steps approach. Do not try and solve everything at once.

First step is she needs some individual counselling to start to see herself as an individual, not just a mum and ex partner under his control. Probably best to cease all legal action until she has done this as otherwise she'll be throwing money at solicitors but not following up on actions because he is controlling her. That is the bit that must change first.

Apart from anything else, your children are only young once, if she got some support now she might start enjoying her life again and have the confidence to take these steps that thousands of other Mums have to wade through every year alone to get some sanity and control back in their lives.
It is good she has a friend like you looking out for her. Let us know if there is anything else you need help with. X

[Scrumpy11]

So your friend should call his bluff and move to where she and the children would be happier. She would find that the fortnightly visits would disappear if there was inconvenience for him to collect.

Thankyou. This is what we all have said

[Celestine]

So your friend should call his bluff and move to where she and the children would be happier. She would find that the fortnightly visits would disappear if there was inconvenience for him to collect.

Or yes, she could just do this!

Legally because of the limbo (no divorce/arrangements), it would be up to him alone to initiate court action to force a return.
But she would need to emotionally be able to take the step.

[Scrumpy11]

Or yes, she could just do this!

Legally because of the limbo (no divorce/arrangements), it would be up to him alone to initiate court action to force a return.
But she would need to emotionally be able to take the step.

Thank you again, I will pass this on. Its in hers and her childrens to move, they all want to go.

[Scrumpy11]

Celestine:

Further advice needed.

My friends ex partner has initiated Mediation, on what grounds we do not know. My friend was contacted, requesting that she pay her half towards the costs. My friend is on benefits, she cannot afford to pay, I offered but she refused. She has been contacted to say that the certificate has been passed to the courts... her e partner is saying its not going to bode well for her as she has not complied by taking part in mediation.

I have told her to contact the reliving company, requesting a copy of what has been sent to the court.. is she entitled to a copy?

What could happen as she cannot afford mediation,? which to her is pointless as it's his way or the highway and could prove costly as they never agree.

[Scrumpy11]

[QUOTE=Celestine;n1583699]

Celestine:

Further advice needed.

My friends ex partner has initiated Mediation, on what grounds we do not know, can only assume its access rights to see his children on days he already sees them. . My friend was contacted, requesting that she pay her half towards the costs. My friend is on benefits, she cannot afford to pay, I offered but she refused. She has been contacted to say that the certificate has been passed to the courts... her ex partner is saying its not going to bode well for her as she has not complied by taking part in mediation.

I have told her to contact the reliving company, requesting a copy of what has been sent to the court.. is she entitled to a copy?

What could happen as she cannot afford mediation,? which to her is pointless as it's his way or the highway and could prove costly as they never agree.

[Celestine]

OK thanks for the update. It is always best to engage with mediation because it shows willingness to explore all avenues towards a resolution. In some cases it just 'ticks a box' that the mother/father has engaged fairly and fully.
I don't think this development is 'game over' or anything like that. Her finances are a very relevant factor and if she could not afford it then that will be persuasive to the Judge. Buf I would definitely not recommend stating anything like 'It's pointless as its his way or the highway' - that statement could be interpreted as her locking her mind against any settlement and having a fixed view of his capabilities as a father; which is not supportive of her case. Family courts will always prefer the parent who shows willingness to engage with ex partners for the sake of the children.
She should be sent a copy of any documents filed at court by the opponent.