Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

[saccadic]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

I would suggest you write everything down that you think might help explain your 'case' - most social workers I've had dealings with over the years are not knowledgeable in many aspects of this type of thing

Yeah, same with my dealings with the authorities. I've got video evidence of some of her drunken abuse, pictures of damage to my property etc but I'd rather not get into all that but I know she would have gone hell for leather on me. Just want to leave it all behind, move on and the last thing I want is for my daughter to be without her mother.

[saccadic]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Don't focus on necessarily the negatives of your former partner but on the positive aspects that having contact will bring the child. If you focus too much on negative aspects of the mother then it could be suggested you were more concerned with points scoring than on what your child wants and on what you child will need to flourish.

Yeah, thats really good advice actually. I've already stated to the DC that she is an amazing mum. My daughter is thriving, bright eyed and bushy tailed. It's her drinking and interpersonal skills in her close relationships that let severley let her down.

I'm hoping they will put her on some sort of alcohol abuse programme. A safer relations course would be good also. In the past, she has had her moments of clarity and promised to goto the doctors about her drinking but that was when she was drunk. gah. She's mainly in complete denial. Hopefully, this will make her realise and actually do something about it.

[Kati]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Yeah, same with my dealings with the authorities. I've got video evidence of some of her drunken abuse, pictures of damage to my property etc but I'd rather not get into all that but I know she would have gone hell for leather on me. Just want to leave it all behind, move on and the last thing I want is for my daughter to be without her mother.

I agree totally, your daughter is the most important person in this whole situation!! Just be careful with the SS - a few of them seem to have a habit of running rough-shod over the unwary ....
Missed appointments (by them) should be brought to the attention of the person heading the meeting as it shows a lack of decency and urgency on their part.

x

[Wombats]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Recent (in fact ongoing) investigations involving one of our family have led me to treat social services with extreme suspicion. In fact in our family's case (fortunately we're only trying to help as bystanders) it would appear SS have more power than the police and also they seem to have their own agenda as to who the child(ren) should end up with.

Ours has been a tale of failure from start to now - a period of 7 or 8 months - full of missed appointments, broken promises, unlawful conduct, and apparently zero accountability when complaints are submitted. A complaint only serves to confirm their view how awful that party is.

Try to record absolutely everything. This is critically important. Voice recordings on your mobile of meeting s with social workers are a good idea. They will claim you are not allowed to do this, but ask them to produce the legislation to back this up if the meeting is in your own house.

Above all, cover your back and all I can say is good luck in getting the best for your child. I truly hope you do.

[saccadic]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Recent (in fact ongoing) investigations involving one of our family have led me to treat social services with extreme suspicion. In fact in our family's case (fortunately we're only trying to help as bystanders) it would appear SS have more power than the police and also they seem to have their own agenda as to who the child(ren) should end up with.

Ours has been a tale of failure from start to now - a period of 7 or 8 months - full of missed appointments, broken promises, unlawful conduct, and apparently zero accountability when complaints are submitted. A complaint only serves to confirm their view how awful that party is.

Try to record absolutely everything. This is critically important. Voice recordings on your mobile of meeting s with social workers are a good idea. They will claim you are not allowed to do this, but ask them to produce the legislation to back this up if the meeting is in your own house.

Above all, cover your back and all I can say is good luck in getting the best for your child. I truly hope you do.

Thanks.

7 - 8 months is a long time. The ex has only recently eased off with being restrictive on contact, now I feel I'm back at the beginning.

[Kati]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Thanks.

7 - 8 months is a long time. The ex has only recently eased off with being restrictive on contact, now I feel I'm back at the beginning.

I hope, for all of you, that everything is sorted out really soon ...

Kati x

[Wombats]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

In 'our' case, custody is supposed to be adjudged in October, though the outcome is a forgone conclusion. That will not be the end of it though.

I'm afraid 8 months is not that long a time for a case of this nature. They tend to drag out, especially if there is a need for police involvement first as happened with us. Despite a police investigation finding absolutely no evidence of any wrongdoing whatsoever, SS still refused to let the mother have her children back and are insistent an offence took place despite there being no evidence.

It is one of those things you have to witness to actually believe. I know others on this site have had similar and worse.

[saccadic]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Still no contact from social despite being told I would recieve a phone call back this morning. Just followed up and again my case worker is 'away from her desk.'

Been thinking and I want social out of this. Really inept so far and so many bad stories about them. I'd rather not talk about my exes behaviour as it is just going to raise more flags. The wider family are involved now and I'm pretty sure we can sort meetings out ourselves on whats best for my daughter.

[Kati]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Unfortunately [MENTION=51037]saccadic[/MENTION], now SS are involved, you are liable to have dealings with them until they have done everything they believe is needed :tinysmile_hmm_t2: The best thing you can do is stay calm in all dealings with them.

Which local authority are you under?? It might be worth you contacting the head of Childrens' Services to put in a complaint due to the lack of professionalism being shown??

Kati x

[saccadic]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

They've just phoned back. The manager is going to put pressure on to get someone round tomorrow. She said it is ok for me to see my daughter if the ex or grandmother is there, which they will think is pointless as they know I'm not a threat. Plus, its being near the ex which is the flash point! But anyway, feel there has been some movement. I hope the social worker turns up tomorrow and can clarify things.

PS making notes of all calls etc.

[Crazy council]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Saccadic

I to have had experience with my kids and social services in relation to an addicted other parent. take a solisitor with you, i think you still automatic get legal aid for child cases ( may be wrong )

Dont expect the SS not to lie and cover up any mistakes blaming you, the truth is, whoevers got the best representation at the meeting will come out best. I would never meet with a social worker over any of my children without a solicitor present. Find your local family law specialist..... and good luck

[saccadic]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Thanks, crazy council. It's a home visit I am waiting on. After that phone call, I am a bit more optismistic that things will be slightly more near normal while proceedings take place ie contact with my daughter... but that could change at any moment. If the ex is being reasonable, she would have said I am a great dad, not a threat and that the problem is when we are together; depends on whether they spoke to Jekyll or Hyde to be honest.

[Kati]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Good luck!!!!
Keep us updated :tinysmile_grin_t:

K xx

[Crazy council]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

Hi Saccadic.

home visit is fine doing on your own, but go to any meeting backed up with legal help. At the home visit, they need to check a few things.

1. Suitable place for a child of that age.
2. Washing machine or way to wash cloths
3. Food in cupboard suitable for a child
4. Stable home environment.
5. Ability to parent.

as the others that have had experience with the SS will tell, be open and honest with them, but be very carfull... let your solicitor advise you about the meeting.

[Kati]

Re: Nightmare with social services and ex girlfriends child abuse.

[MENTION=51037]saccadic[/MENTION] .... a little info for you :tinysmile_twink_t2:

Kati x