Bully ex brother in law

[Hurricane Puffrose]

guys i need help.

My sister has twin girls and she is divorced, he ex husband is a drunk and an idiot, the only reason the kids see him is the judge said it was an urgent requirement for children to see their father (eldest twin hates her father) :rant:
He is a wife beater and his kids are terrified of him, i could tell you tales that would turn your hair grey but lets just say, hes not allowed over her threshold.

this weekend was his birthday, so my sister took the kids to see him and was told you ARE staying the night tonight. She refused so he literally threw her out and said thats it im getting a solicitor and im getting the kids permanantly.

She has no money he wont give her a penny maintainance, she recently had no money at all, no food for the kids and he offered to LEND her £5.

The court order he has is, the kids go to him tuesday after school and then satuarday till sunday. and this is maintained, even when they came to Yorkshire for a week my sister let the sleep friday night.

They got the kids party dresses and he agreed to go half, he has now refused as she refused to stay the night saying the solicitors will sort it all, but if she spends the night with him he will drop the case. Its pure bullying by the man. please advise as to what we can do as its breaking my heart to see her like that. Shes having to borrow money to sign on for benefits as hes refused her a penny.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

If she were to spend the night with His Imperious Boorishness and he were to have carnal knowledge of her without her consent, that would be rape. On the other hand, whilst he was sleeping the sleep of the just after, she could snap some tight rubber bands round his tackle to cut off the blood supply... :rofl:

As for his non-payment of maintenance (or, as Australian colonists call it, "cock tax") doesn't the CSA deal with that?

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

he ignores it as far as i know, and they are as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

Originally the divorce agreement they had was he would meet her half way, then he started pestering her, grabbing her top and pulling it down cos he hasnt got a good enoug view, and when she slapped him and threatened police he stopped. He told the courts he gave her cash and the judge accepted it.
she has bank statements that show he hasnt paid her a penny for over 3 years, but she still has to keep her side of the order.

Ive told her to ask our other sister to take the kids there and back but she wont cos she hates the ex (dont we all) and I'm over 2 hours away

[labman]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

How old are the children, and have they witnessed this behaviour?

[Celestine]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

Your sister needs to talk to a Domestic Abuse support group AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

She may have ended the relationship but he is continuing the abuse, psychologically and now likely physically or sexually again.
'
She absolutely must NEVER stay over, this is all part of the bullying control games.

Her abuser is continuing to abuse and it must stop.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

the girls are 10 and have been subjected to the abuse.
they have had plates thrown at them, food pushed in to their faces, been subjected to verbal abuse etc.

they have seen a phsycologist, but the judge still ordered the access.

she offered to send them to a contact centre, but the centre said no, we cant accomodate him he is drunk and violent, and her solicitor screamed at her for being so honest about him. She has seen a phsycologist too, and is diognsed as depressed. if i was nearer to her, then he wouldnt continue cos im not scared of him!!!

is it blackmail to do this to her? and how can we prove it, he took to taping calls made to him to prove she was threatening him.. and she doesnt even ring him!!!

[labman]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

Has she not thought of going to the police? Their officers in this area are highly trained and incredibly sensitive.

I'll pm Bluebottle for you to ask him to look in. :beagle:

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

ty

the police helped her to move out of his home and have escorted him home a couple of times.

He was charged with attempted rape and assualt but i dont know the outcome as she "protects" me, if BB knows of anything she can quote to scare him I will be eternally grateful

[bluebottle]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

This is a case where the police MUST get involved, due to the fact there are issues of child safety, domestic violence and serious dereliction of duty by the Social Services. The judge at the Family Court needs a stick of dynamite with a very short fuse inserted into a certain bodily orifice for allowing this to go on.

The OP MUST inform the local Domestic Violence and Child Safety Teams of her local police force asap. In fact, I would do it tonight or, failing this, first thing tomorrow morning.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

i will tell my sis this in the morning, shes turned her phone off as shes depressed.

The social services have been involved and basically said that the kids are ok with my sister, and that they cant interfere with a court order, told her off for having her xmas lights on the table (she was putting the xmas tree up) and left.

I'm tempted to tell her to threaten him with action for blackmail as im sure "if you spend the night i wont go to a solicitor" is blackmail.

I've also suggested she stands on her doorstep and yells WHERES THE £30 FOR THE KIDS CLOTHES YOU PROMISED ME?? ITS FOR YOUR KIDS REMEMBER!!" and shame the money out of him.. im soooooooooo mad at him as the earliest i can get money to her is thursday!

thanks for your help

[Bill-K]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

Puff - I've said this before to BB's face. I'm a taxi driver, and we and the coppers rarely see eye-to-eye. But the specialist teams are not like the mindless plod androids that seem to either beat up the wrong guy, or turn a blind eye because it's a 'domestic.'

BB himself has said that the quality of these people is respected by the rest of the Force. I have first-hand experience of that, myself, and I have every respect for them. And that's coming from a cabbie !!!

[CleverClogs]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

I've also suggested she stands on her doorstep and yells WHERES THE £30 FOR THE KIDS CLOTHES YOU PROMISED ME?? ITS FOR YOUR KIDS REMEMBER!!" and shame the money out of him..

That will not work, as the oaf has no sense of honour.

If he had, he would not treat women in such a manner.

im soooooooooo mad at him as the earliest i can get money to her is thursday!

Wednesday, actually, unless you pay extra for Royal Mail "Sameday" (link)

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

COOL £40 will be in her purse weds!!! ty cc!!!

AN UPDATE!!

I emailled her in the hope she will be awake and playing on the computer, read this thread to her and she said I can do that? After the 25millionth telling that she can, and my elder sister ringing her and threatening to walk in to the police station NOW she has rung them!!!

Ive over the moon! My nice brother in law is going round to hers tomorrow to raise Cain with the CSA over her money, and my 2 neices are going to Dees tomorrow while the police attend etc!

i am sitting here crying with relief thank you for giving me the right people and the right terms to tell her! love you all VERY much!!

P

[teaboy2]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

Let us know how things go with the police - If they don't want to know then there are other ways of dealing with this ********!

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bully ex brother in law

will deffo update you to tomorrow and let you know the outcome!

She says to say ty to all of you and she is now more determined than ever to get her money out of him.

shes not really a walkover, but he treated her so badly for so long she doesnt believe anyone could care about her!