am I in trouble?

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

Advise needed..I'm really stressing out.
My boss and his worker are calling the individual in question in on Thursday to question him about the allegations made against me.I have denied that there was any sexual relationship between us a year and a half ago but did state that I knew him on a personal basis and that a friendship was formed.. My boss keeps telling me that the allegations are serious,but I don't know what she means.I don't understand what consequences I could/would face if I told the truth..
I also received a very shocking piece of information - she told me that he is on the sex offenders register for sexual offences against women!!I was aware that were allegations made against him by girls in the past but I was under the impression (from himself and people that I knew) that it was a case of girls causing trouble etc as a result of this new information my boss is now very concerned for my welfare..she stated that after he is questioned a meeting with representatives from other agencies will be called to highlight his "increased risk to women".. I don't know what to do..please help

Seems they are more concerned that he may pose a sexual risk towards you. Given his record that risk may well be well founded too as he clearly would only have made the original comments because he still had sexual feelings towards you. Though its for him to prove those claims. You have denied it - Though given the sexual offences (when you say girls i assume you mean underage girls?) its probably a good job you did deny it!

I would say the chances are they would not believe the claim he is making and likely see it as just him having a sexual fascination towards you, hence their heightened concern for YOUR WELFARE and not his welfare. If anything, he is in more trouble then you are if other agencies are being involved!

Theres nothing you can do other than wait and see what happens to be honest.

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

It was not under-age girls.. From what I understood,it happened years ago when he was still involved with drugs..I was informed that the girls that put in assault claims against him did so because he stole some drugs and money from them at the time.all I know is that I have never felt threatened by him or uncomfortable with him..
I know that they are concerned for my safety and he has that he will confirm that we never had a sexual relationship (even though he was clean and I was unemployed at the time) my concern is that (for what ever reason) he states that the claims he made were true.what could happen to me and my job?I just feel like I'm in over my head over something that happened a long time ago..I never expected it to be called into question,I'm scared..

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

I don't think he was honest with you about the sexual offense. There would have been evidence such as Pyshical evidence of sexual assualt, like dna, cctv or any number of other physical evidence. In Criminal law, you are found guilty by beyond reasonable doubt, therefore the evidence against him would have needed to prove beyond reasonable doubt that he was guilty in order for a criminal court jury to find him guilty. If it was just a case of he stole drugs and money, then there would have been no evidence to support the sexual offence claim.

Like i said in my earlier post, even if he stands by his claims, they are not likely to believe his claim and likely see it as a sexual fascination that he has with you. Therefore it would not be in his interest to stand by the claim. You also need to break communication with him now!

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

Yes,I have not had any communication with him for a few weeks now and I do not intend too either..
If somehow his claims were found to be true (or I cave in and buckle!) What sort of trouble could I be in?\consequences would I face?I'm really worried about my job..

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

Well given it happened whilst you were unemployed, its hard to say, they could discipline you for not being honest with them. Though its his word against yours and hes a convicted sex offender, so its unlikely they will take what hes says as having any grain of truth. They clearly do not believe him anyway, as they are more concerned that he poses a sexual danger to you given his comments, and thats why they are wanting to talk to him about what he said. To make it clear to him such claim is being taken seriously. Hes the one that appears to be in trouble here, and to be honest he only has himself to blame for making such comments. Any normal person would have known making such comments would have got you in to trouble, so if they he had truly respected you, he'd have never made those claims about you and kept his mouth shut.

So for now, just relax and wait and see what happens. And, though it know its difficult, try not to worry so much. At the moment they clearly do not believe his claim, so for now you are in the clear. So keep it that way.

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

Thank you very much for your advice. I'm trying to remain calm but I can't help but worry..my jobs very important to me. I'm a very private person too so the thought of other services knowing of any allegations involving myself (even if they are deemed to be untrue) makes me feel really uncomfortable..
If for what ever reason I have to admit that the claims are true I'm just going to have to explain (as I have done) that I knew him on a personal basis, due to family connections and that any "relationship" we had (I wouldn't even call it that!) took place when I was unemployed.I did not know then that I would go on to be a drug worker and that he would appear in the service that I was working for..
I feel really bad about being dishonest to my boss and colleagues about the situation as they do not believe the claims and have told me that I have their "full support",however I am just trying to protect myself and my job..

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

As I know the individual is getting called in tomorrow to be questioned,I find myself getting increasingly more nervous..I am going through a hard time at present also so I'm feeling really emotional and a little oversensitive currently..
The best outcome of tomorrow will be if he denies the accusations made of course.however,I'm trying to prepare myself for the "worse care scenario" just in case.if I do come to a point where I have to admit these claims are true,what would be the best way to go about it?what advice could you give me in terms of explaining myself?I intend to state that I didn't really know how to react due to trying to protect myself and my job.. I'll highlight the fact that again,our relationship grew at a time when I was unemployed & well before any employment commenced with my current employer. I've also informed my boss that I know and did know the individual well on a personal basis due to family & friend connections,so have not kept that hidden.even if I do have to admit the truth,what could be done?I have no acted unprofessionally or crossed any boundaries as far as I'm aware??I'm just scared of how my boss will react and what the potential consequences\repercussions would be...

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

Any update Anon134?

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

Yes...the individual was questioned by my boss and his worker regarding the claims..he denied that he said what he did but did admit to saying that he wished he could take somebody like me out sometime (as I was told he had said) he explained that we were friendly in between my employment (as I admitted) and that we knew each other personally due to family ties (as I admitted also).
A few things transpired through his questioning however that I was unaware of..he told my boss that at the time of having the conversation with my colleague,she spoke in quite an inappropriate way to him - asking him why he didn't have a girlfriend and stating that she had "some nice single friends". He accused her of being unprofessional to my boss and told her that he did not appreciate being hasstled with this.my boss informed him that because of the nature of the conversation he was having with her,she was not permitting her female members of staff to be around him on their own any longer.At this point he got angry and walked out..
A have seen him since then (due to living in a very small town), and he apologised for opening his mouth in the first place but said that he thought he could trust my colleague with the information as she was being so " informal and unprofessional" with him at the time.my boss told me that I "have nothing to worry about" but that the meeting with other services on Monday is still going ahead.

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

I have to wonder why he got angry when your boss told him she was not going to allowing to be around her female staff, given the nature of the conversation he had with your colleague. Granted your colleague may not have known of his conviction, but he did, so he should have known better to no indulge in such conversations. The fact he got angry and walked out, brings the question as to why he was so angry? After all, what difference does it make if he sees a male adviser instead of a female one! I don't think your colleague was unproffessional or acted inapproiately as she was merely trying to help him to imporve is quality of life, by introducing him to some of her friends. Granted she probably wouldn't have done so if shed known about his conviction.

The meeting with other services is standard practice. Main thing is you now have nothing to worry about!