am I in trouble?

[anon134]

Hi,
I have a problem and would be grateful if I could have your views on the subject please...
I was previously a support worker in a drop-in centre offering support to individuals with substance misuse problems.I was there for a year and whilst there a male that I knew of started attending the centre.he had previous substance misuse issues but was then clean and doing really well.I knew his family quite well - his sisters little boy is in the same class as mine so I would see her regularly.I also know his brother quite well as he's best mates with my best mates boyfriend.. I knew his dad as we attended the same gym together so we would often chat.
Anyway, I got to know this individual quite well when I worked there over the period of a year and our relationship always remained proffessional. As staff we were even permitted to have clients personal mob numbers and visa versa..I left the centre due to a disagreement with my boss and the individual in question was in contact asking how I was and thanking me for supporting him etc I continued to see his family as it was unavoidable and eventually we started a sort of relationship..we really enjoyed each others company but although I knew I was not a support worker of the centre he was attending any longer,I didn't feel too comfortable with the relationship we had formed.I ended it and let him down gently and he slowly started contacting me less and less.
A few months later I got a job as a drug worker for another local organisation and was no longer in contact with the individual.I have been there for a year now but lately the individual has come in to service after a re-lapse - something which I never anticipated as he was doing so well..he was working with another team so I'm not working with him but I see him fairly regularly.Last week he told a colleague of mine we were sleeping together when I left the centre (but before I started my new job) and she asked me about it..I denied it as I was so shocked I didn't know what to say or do!my colleague then told me that we had to report the comment he made to my boss on Monday.
I'm so scared and worried..will this affect my job?any relationship that we had was formed (and ended) whilst I was unemployed but I don't know how much to disclose in order to protect myself.I've spoken to him about it,and he said that he will tell my boss that he was joking if questioned by her as he doesn't want me to get in trouble. Help!what do I do or say??x

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

Deny it! As what he said wasn't true anyway (when he said you were sleeping together when you left the centre), as it was when you were unemployed and he was clean of drugs that you had a relationship, not as he said, whilst you were still employed by the former employer!

It may be more of a case that your colleague and boss are more interested in his undue interest in you in a sexual nature, as the employer does have a duty of care towards you!

[Amethyst]

Re: am I in trouble?

I would simply tell the truth on Monday, that you had a relationship, explain it was after you had stopped working at the other centre and ended well before you started at the new job, and was simply down to you being a family friend and your friendship having grown. If you lie it will come back to bite you on the ass at one point or other and it will sound a lot worse if you tried to cover it up than if you have just been open about it. It also might have a detrimental affect on the service user as he will be being accused of lying. I hope the fall out with your previous boss was nothing to do with this service user else you could be in sticky biscuits employment wise.

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

I was going to say be honest 100% about it myself, but then i thought what if their is any outside 3rd party body that she must be registered with in order to carry out such line of work. Like social workers and doctors are registered with outside bodies that determine their fitness to practice etc. There is another thread here in the employment section dealing with a social worker that was sacked from not informing his employer (local council) about domestic issues with his partner at home, and was dismissed upon being arrested after being falsely accused of assault on his partner, which a court dismissed and acquitted him off as it was the partner that had assaulted him. But the SSSC have yet to decide, whether he can return to working as a social worker full stop, for not informing his employer about the domestic issues. 3 domestic arguments that occurred over 5-6 month period! SSSC is Scottish Social Services Council.

http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/...nfair-dismisal

Not the same i know, but the point is, if she has to be registered in her line of work, then it will not go down well that she had a relationship with a person she knew was deemed vulnerable, and whom she or previous employer had supported previously. Even if it was after she left employment and he was clean!

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

I don't think I have to be registered as such..upon commencing my job I had to go through a disclosure and barring check etc but that is all that I'm aware of.
In reply to an earlier comment, I did not leave my previous employment involving the individual in question..and I would like to take this opportunity to note that the friendship\relationship that I had with him when I was unemployed happened over a year and a half ago now.
As stated previously, even though I knew him quite personally due to family connections whilst he was a service user at the centre I was working at,our relationship whilst there was purely professional. Also,when I started my new job as a drug worker we were barely in contact. When we spent time together whilst I was unemployed he was clean and doing really well. I'm just extremely nervous and scared as to what's going to happen when I have to explain this to my boss on Monday..I don't know what questions she may want to ask him,whether she will want to speak to him etc I've got no idea. I know I didn't cross any proffessional boundaries with him in my previous job,or my current one but I'm still sick to my stomach with worry

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

*I did not leave my previous employment due to anything that involved the person question.I left due to a personal matter.

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

Just to give an update...
I spoke to my boss today and explained about the allegation made.I told her that whilst I was unemployed a year and a half ago I had developed a personal friendship with the male in question.I pointed out that it was after I handed my notice in at the drop in centre where I worked as a support worker but well before I started my new job as a drug worker. I was honest and said that we had been in contact that time and that I knew his dad,brother and sister personally also.
My boss told me that she does not believe his allegation that I had a sexual relationship with him at the time of my unemployment and asked me to confirm this.I did not want to lie but I have to protect myself and my job so I denied that I had any sexual relationship with him.She told me that when I am back in work after the new year herself and his worker are going to informally question him about his allegations in order to put this to rest..
I've bumped into this individual recently and he's assured me that he does not want to get me into any trouble so when questioned he will respond that he was just joking around and confirm that there is no truth in what he said.
What I am scared of now is the fact that (for what ever reason) when questioned he may just land me in it and admit that what he said was true..he would have nothing to gain from that,but nothing to loose either.where would I stand then?did I actually do anything wrong and how could it\would it effect my current employment?like I say,our relationship was formed at a time when I was unemployed and was as a result of a personal friendship having grown within that time due to the fact that I knew his family etc I never expected to be employed as a drug worker and for him to have a re-lapse.it feels as if my past has is coming back to bite me in the ass and I'm so scared and worried..all I've ever done whilst in my previous employment and in my current job is remain professional.advice needed please x

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

Just to give an update...
I spoke to my boss today and explained about the allegation made.I told her that whilst I was unemployed a year and a half ago I had developed a personal friendship with the male in question.I pointed out that it was after I handed my notice in at the drop in centre where I worked as a support worker but well before I started my new job as a drug worker. I was honest and said that we had been in contact that time and that I knew his dad,brother and sister personally also.
My boss told me that she does not believe his allegation that I had a sexual relationship with him at the time of my unemployment and asked me to confirm this.I did not want to lie but I have to protect myself and my job so I denied that I had any sexual relationship with him.She told me that when I am back in work after the new year herself and his worker are going to informally question him about his allegations in order to put this to rest..
I've bumped into this individual recently and he's assured me that he does not want to get me into any trouble so when questioned he will respond that he was just joking around and confirm that there is no truth in what he said.
What I am scared of now is the fact that (for what ever reason) when questioned he may just land me in it and admit that what he said was true..he would have nothing to gain from that,but nothing to loose either.where would I stand then?did I actually do anything wrong and how could it\would it effect my current employment?like I say,our relationship was formed at a time when I was unemployed and was as a result of a personal friendship having grown within that time due to the fact that I knew his family etc I never expected to be employed as a drug worker and for him to have a re-lapse.it feels as if my past has is coming back to bite me in the ass and I'm so scared and worried..all I've ever done whilst in my previous employment and in my current job is remain professional.advice needed please x

They would need reasonable belief to dismiss you and an hear-say allegation by one person, who's known to be vulnerable and therefore likely seen as dishonest or untrustworthy, would not be enough to establish grounds for reasonable belief! Basically its his word against yours!

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

But even if they did have the proof too,could they dismiss me?as like I say,any relationship formed with the individual in question started and ended whilst I was unemployed.It was at a time before I even had the interview for my new job..
I'm just confused as to what boundaries I could be perceived to have crossed,and where..like I say,even though I knew his family personally when employed by my former employer,I maintained a proffessional relationship with him throughout my 10 months of employment there. When I resigned, our friendship grew as a result of our family connections - me knowing his dad,sister and brother..number one,I had no idea that I would ever get a job (or interview) for a drug worker position and number two,I had no idea that he would appear in service (even though its not with me or the team I work with).
I just feel like this happened a year and a half ago,at a time when I was unemployed and didn't know what the future held.I'm just really scared that now its going to affect my job.I love what I do and never thought that my past experiences would negatively impact on my current circumstances\situation.I'm going to be worrying about this all christmas ..

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

You haven't crossed any boundaries, it happened when he was clean and when you were unemployed. Though its your word against his, so there is no evidence, only an allegation from someone who is deemed vulnerable and likely to be seen as an untrustworthy person!

Am sure your not the first or only support worker to have had clients make such allegations against them, due to sexual infatuation! Thats probably all it is, he likely still has feelings for you.

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

Yes,I think that is still the case.my boss did emphasise the fact that she does have a duty of care over me etc so I know that she just wants to ensure I'm protected and safe.
The worrying,panicky person in me however is concerned that he may (for what ever reason) land me in it when questioned and then go as far to show old text messages between us (even though as I say it was a year and a half ago now!) as proof..like I say,I know that he would have no reason to do that but I'm so scared of jepourdizing my job that I'm thinking of all the worst case scenarios :\ I just don't know where I would stand if it all did come out..

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

Yes,I think that is still the case.my boss did emphasise the fact that she does have a duty of care over me etc so I know that she just wants to ensure I'm protected and safe.
The worrying,panicky person in me however is concerned that he may (for what ever reason) land me in it when questioned and then go as far to show old text messages between us (even though as I say it was a year and a half ago now!) as proof..like I say,I know that he would have no reason to do that but I'm so scared of jepourdizing my job that I'm thinking of all the worst case scenarios :\ I just don't know where I would stand if it all did come out..

Its very very unlikely he still has any of the old text messages from a year and a half ago, most people would have deleted such old text messages within 2-3 months to make space on their phones for more text message or for storage space.

As you said your boss empathized her duty of care towards you, therefore it appears she is more concerned as to your safety than the allegations being made - She likely sees him as having an unhealthy sexual interest in you!

Even if it did come out, which is doubtful at best, and only likely if you cave in and blurt it all out, they'd be little they could do, as a personal relationship when you were unemployed with a previous client who himself was clean and no longer using the support service, would be non of your employers business, to be honest!

Stop worrying about it!

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

I know,I just don't want to be seen as a liar if truth comes out..I'm just trying to protect myself and my job,even though as you say,I have not actually crossed any boundaries.my boss intimidates and scares me at the best of times so it does not take much to set my anxiety off.
Thank you for your replies

[teaboy2]

Re: am I in trouble?

I know,I just don't want to be seen as a liar if truth comes out..I'm just trying to protect myself and my job,even though as you say,I have not actually crossed any boundaries.my boss intimidates and scares me at the best of times so it does not take much to set my anxiety off.
Thank you for your replies

Its your bosses job to make staff feel afraid or intimidated, so long as they do so lawfully - It makes employees more respectful, just like you were of certain teachers in school!

[anon134]

Re: am I in trouble?

Advise needed..I'm really stressing out.
My boss and his worker are calling the individual in question in on Thursday to question him about the allegations made against me.I have denied that there was any sexual relationship between us a year and a half ago but did state that I knew him on a personal basis and that a friendship was formed.. My boss keeps telling me that the allegations are serious,but I don't know what she means.I don't understand what consequences I could/would face if I told the truth..
I also received a very shocking piece of information - she told me that he is on the sex offenders register for sexual offences against women!!I was aware that were allegations made against him by girls in the past but I was under the impression (from himself and people that I knew) that it was a case of girls causing trouble etc as a result of this new information my boss is now very concerned for my welfare..she stated that after he is questioned a meeting with representatives from other agencies will be called to highlight his "increased risk to women".. I don't know what to do..please help