I think possibly
''I managed pay the lawful arrears due of £804.90 on 29th March 2011 bringing the account up to date.''
wants weakening...(IMO)
On 29th March 2011 I managed to pay the arrears I thought had built up on the account in order to bring the account up to date
As your argument is that you didn't know the DN was faulty and scrabbled about to get as much as possible despite them blocking your account access etc and thought if you sorted out the few missed payments you would be able to get back on track with a repayment plan. You since learned they were the actual arrears and all that should have been asked from you in the first place. Formal way sounds a little calculating.
Also you havent explained any reason the bank gave for this action ''
9. In a letter dated 19th March 2010 (xxx/10) the claimant froze my personal current account. This action was taken by the claimant despite the fact that the correct prescribed time for remedy had not yet expired removing a source to pay the true arrears.''
they could argue it was completely unrelated - so had they told you it was due to the arrears / intended to offset the payment etc etc ?
The payment plan does mean it gives them the right to terminate as you arent sticking to the agreement etc so you are looking more at the unfair relationship and 664 guidelines more than the DN - don't get too caught up in the DN issue.
If you had paid the true arrears within the 14 days and then returned to full payments this would be cut and dried. So you need to make sure that it comes across you tried your best to get on top of it despite all the barrier they put in your way.
I think possibly in this sentence
14. In a letter dated 30th June 2010 I wrote to The Claimant with a new income and expenditure sheet offering an increased payment to them of £135.80. This letter was delivered by recorded delivery on 1st July 2010
You want to mention what the actual contractual payment should have been - if not there then at the beginning of the WS. even in the £804 para (show how you worked out 804 was the true arrears)
and much better to put 24th April 2010 rather than shorthand 24.4.10 date.
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