Financial,emotional,psycological abuse,parental alienation.

[Cinders43]

IM PLEADING FOR ADVICE THATS LIFE CHANGING
Please please if there’s any advice,support or anything else you can help with please let me know,


I fled my former marital home, from nov 202 -10th jan 2023-i made the toughest decision of my life,our 3 (20,18 & 9) daughters have continued to live there as there was no harm to our children, it was a 21 year relationship,16 years married .

I was being Financial abused along with associated coercive control/emotional abuse,and parental alienation,and now there’s still a level of control of undue influence and emotional duress over me that has had a huge impact on my mental health.

I was told by my ex husband that until I have removed my name from the joint mortgage and jointly owned large patch of land that’s attached to former family home with a property adjustment order,for him to retain any joint savings,ISAs,bonds we jointly had,also retaining 100% of his pensions with a pension sharing order,and finally a lump sum of £37500, he won’t allow me to have any form of contact/visitation with our daughter Emilia rose who then was 7,she’s now 9!!

I’ve been left with a massive amount of debt,most of which is matrimonial debt,due to the complexity of the financial abuse and associated fraud ,

My reputation has been diminished,my integrety has been violated,my relationship with our 3 daughters has been destroyed,my abusive suffering has impacted my mental health. From Jan 2023- march 2023 I was homeless,in may 2023 my ex husband stopped all contact between myself and our daughters,he filed for divorce,in the past 6 months he has offered me 3 financial consent orders to which ive dismissed,i have no legal representation due to being on universal credit and have no access to any money to fund the legal fees i so desperately need,ive attempted MIAMs as im aware i could possibly get gov miams vouchers but my ex husband has refused, this was in march 2024, hes wanting me to sign everything over to him,the house,the land,full parental control,a clean break,he still wants that continuous control even now.

He applied for a divorce in may 2023,the next 8 months I received 3 financial settlement offers. The first offer was £20000,cash lump sums,the second was £25000,the third was £30000 and I verbally accepted the fourth offer of £37500 in aug 2024, the consent order was drafted by Ramsdens solicitors his legal solicitors, however a month later I'd still not returned the documents as I felt it wasn't a fair offer,I'm expecting £110000, he also wants me to sign over the marital home,the jointly owned land adjacent to the house,his full pension,all access to any joint isa,bonds,savings and investments,a clean break, and also full custody of our 9 year old daughter.

After not returning the consent order as verbally agreed to, 4 weeks later in October this year I received an appointment to attend a MIAMS meeting that he had arranged at a cost of £200 for me to pay, I agreed to attend and informed his MIAMS representatives that I couldn't fund it as I'm on universal credit to which she replied she doesn't do legal aid

In November I received official documentation from Ramsdens solicitors that a financial remedy family court proceedings have been issued and made for 30th jan 2025, including a letter stating that I had refused to attend the MIAMS meeting that Simon had requested, all lies!! There's so much untrue information and false allegations and false financial information that my ex husband has stated,I have so much paper trail that proves all the untrue claims that he has made.

I have no legal assistance and never had, I'm intending to defend myself in family court, however I'm currently feeling very overwhelmed by all the information that I am expecting to provide, by the 26th dec 2024 I've to submit a Form E,E1,E2 a letter of position statement and a questionnaire and a chronology report.

A 1st appointment at Huddersfield family court has been scheduled for Jan 2025 and there's so much I'm having to provide documentation wise I don't know where to begin,I just need help please,for the last 2 years i have collected a huge paper trail of evidence,which proves the financial abuse ive suffered,evidence of money laundering,tax ivasion,infedelity,and paper work to prove all the lies he has said.



***********UPDATE*********************
i was due to drop off Form E,E1,E", Position statement and chronology at the family court 26th dec, and exchange form E on the 2nd dec with his soliciter, ive buried my head in the sand and feel like im losing the battle in my head and heart,im seriosly thinking of just handing over the D81 form and signed consent order to his soliciter and just accepting the £37500, cos this could go on for another 12 months and i cant mentally take any more, BUT A MASSIVE BUT!!!! even the thought of my ex transfering me that 37500 seems and feels like hes capable of screwing me over with that aswel

[Celestine]

Dear Cinders43

Thank you for sharing the details of your situation, there is a lot to tackle but step by step, this can be done.

Firstly - the contact with your daughter is totally separate from the financial order element of the divorce. You should make a separate Child Arrangement Order application yourself (you'll get fee remission) to get contact re-established with her. Do you have any contact with your older daughters? How do they feel about this?

Regarding the hearing in January - this will be a first appt with the Judge. Try not to stress, this divorce is not suited to the accelerated procedure so you should attend that hearing and present your case via the forms you have submitted. The Judge will then order further disclosure from both of you. You are entitled to spousal maintenance and this should allow you to have a home given the length of marriage. Nothing dramatic will happen at that hearing and the Judge will not be happpy to let you be rail roaded like this - hence the increasing offers. It's hard to say/know what the total assets are but I can't imagine 30k would be taken seriously as a final settlement.

Use this thread to keep a diary of your divorce and we can help you through each separate step.

[Pezza54]

I have no personal experience of divorce but I have just read an article at www.divorce.wikivorce.com about how a fair financial divorce settlement is calculated.
I didn't realise how complicated the calculation is and how many factors can be taken into account. Even the conduct of parties may be considered.
The article ends with the offer of help to achieve a fair financial settlement with fees less than a quarter of the traditional high street solicitor

[Groupthink]

Please seek legal advice. I believe that you can get legal aid for family law.

There is a great deal of legal work and process to take onboard.

Dishonest and manipulative people generally get their way.

You are naturally overwhelmed, the Court process is brutal and your husband may be represented - you would be a sitting duck, sorry. You need to get the best possible financial outcome, it will really be so valuable to you in getting your life back on track. Take each day at a time, ask for as much help as you can, charities for abused women, look up solicitors on the LawSolicitor finder service, Citizens Advice and WeAdvocate. You have arrived here and although I can't offer any legal advice, I do know that having help is the way forward.

[Celestine]

If someone is on benefits and cannot afford mediation at £200 then they cannot afford legal representation and so we have to advise based on her circumstances. I strongly disagree with the term sitting duck - up to 75% of all parties in family court are unrepresented.
Legal aid only applies to domestic abuse cases, not divorce.