Christmas poetry :)

[Kati]

My mummy got the tinsel out
to decorate the room
Coz (I've been told) a big round man
is coming very soon
She put in round the light switch
and on the tele-phone
Then on the walls and door frame -
she "Christmas-ed" our home!
But mummy wasn't finished
tho' she didn't have a tree
She got some bl***y tinsel
and she decorated ME!

I spent all night (while she was 'sleep) attacking my new neck-wears
so tinsel covered all the floor (and draped the dining chairs)
And now they know that pussy cats are not for decoratin'
Coz 'tinsellated Kekserls' are disaster in the making

[Kati]

Re: Christmas poetry

Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the North Pole,
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh,
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the EPA,
And millions of people were calling the Cops,
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe,
had his workers quite frightened,
and his fur trimmed red suit
was called "unenlightened".

To show you the strangeness of today's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation,
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.

So...half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz,
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.

And as for gifts...why, he'd never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur...
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.

Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot,
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls
and nothing for just boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific,
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.

And fairy tales...while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden,
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...
someone might get hurt,
besides - playing sports
exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passed.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed,
he just couldn't figure out what to do next?

He tried to be merry he tried to be gay,
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground,
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.

Something special was needed,
a gift that he might,
give to us all,
without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy - with no indecision,
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue,
everyone, everywhere...even you!

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth."