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For my friends south of the border ;-), If you are trouble decifering them, try reading them in a scottish accent, might help!
If you still dont understand i will help you out :okay:
If you still dont understand i will help you out :okay:
A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist."Govan," she replies.
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What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?
Oor Wullie.
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While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
"What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?" "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says."
Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
"I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.
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A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set ofantlers?""Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter."That's affa deer," says the guy.
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Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo.
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After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearingthe kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing awhite dress," he replies.
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What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.
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How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.
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A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is alace missing."No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan "
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What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheepfarmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And anAberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe."
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What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.
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What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident?The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.
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Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make anegative - "Aye right."
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A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when hespots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" heasks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel..."
===============================
What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?
Oor Wullie.
===============================
While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
"What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?" "I'd put him off at the next stop," he says."
Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?"
"I'd take the first two weeks in August," he replies.
===============================
A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set ofantlers?""Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter."That's affa deer," says the guy.
==============================
Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo.
===============================
After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearingthe kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing awhite dress," he replies.
==============================
What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.
===============================
How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.
===============================
A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is alace missing."No," argues the assistant, "look at the label - it says Taiwan "
===============================
What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheepfarmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And anAberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe."
===============================
What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.
==============================
What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident?The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.
===============================
Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make anegative - "Aye right."
===============================
A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when hespots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. "What's up, Jimmy?" heasks. "Piston broke," he replies. "Aye, same as masel..."
msl:
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