Best Excuse not to get a job

For the avoidance of doubt this thread is in no way intended to be 'having a go' at anyone claiming benefits.

Ok so we all know that there are those out there who find it easier to claim benefits for not working, but as we know there are some priceless reasons as to why they can't look for work, I've heard some blinders but the best one lately was........

'The benefits people told me not to apply for more than 6 a month as there's not enough jobs to go round'. (I am ashamed to say I am related to the person that said that).

So come on everyone, lets have the good, bad, unbelievable and completely ridiculous.

[wales01man]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

Headline on a local paper seen in a store in aylesbury
said nearly 3500 apply for less than 20 posts that would be off putting to many?
Until there are enough jobs to go round we will have high unemployment so maybe they were told that

[Sapphire]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

Oh Nick Ferrari's programme on LBC the other week a guy said that he'd been out of work for 7 years, had been applying regularly, it worked out one a week, apparently he'd been offered a job but refused it saying that it was an 8.30 am - 4.30 pm and he didn't want to get up that early, you could hear Nick choking lol.

I kid you not.

[Eloise01]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

Absolutely not related to this one - I'd have probably swung for him if I was! "There's no public transport there" - it was less than a mile from his house! And 17 and fully fit! Could manage the pub and that is half a mile further!

Although, to give a balanced view, every year my brother in law used to ask me to help him with his supporting statement on an application form for his perfect job. When I asked him what was wrong with the last perfect job that I'd helped him get, his response was always the same "Oh, they don't appreciate or value me enough and I'm not listened to". After a few years of this, it became perfectly obvious why they didn't value him enough - he would walk in, tell them how to run things, expect promotion within the first month, and get annoyed and sulky if it didn't happen. He has never been out of work - and never in a job for more than a year, and still hasn't figured out why he has no career and is going nowhere fast. I expect at 40+ he may never get it either.

[basa48]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

After a few years of this, it became perfectly obvious why they didn't value him enough - he would walk in, tell them how to run things, expect promotion within the first month, and get annoyed and sulky if it didn't happen. He has never been out of work - and never in a job for more than a year, and still hasn't figured out why he has no career and is going nowhere fast. I expect at 40+ he may never get it either.

Whereas me, I've been in the same job 22 years and definitely could run the company better than all the managers put together !!!!!! :grin:

(It is a multi million pound company that recently bought something for £1.5b lane: )

[Eloise01]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

Whereas me, I've been in the same job 22 years and definitely could run the company better than all the managers put together !!!!!! :grin:

(It is a multi million pound company that recently bought something for £1.5b lane: )

Yeah, no doubt. But I bet you didn't tell them that in the first week!

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

I was in the Job Centre looking for work, the best excuse I have ever heard was (are you ready)
"It means early starts on a satuarday and I like my friday nights in the pub!"

Another blinder was "But thats working sat evening and the footballs on!"

Or maybe you prefer the reason I got turned down for having 3 kids, "I can't take the job cos of the kids!"
When the man was reminded his kids lived with their mam, he replied "Yeh but I need to be home incase they are sick at school!"

[fuzzybrain]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

I've worked with so many temps in my time and here are a few of the excuses I can remember for their non return to the office after lunch (it wasn't down to me - I promise!!)

We had:
I'm not allowed to smoke at my desk
I'm not allowed to drink alcohol at my desk (admittedly we wish we could!!)
We wouldn't let her bring her cat with her
Allergic to paperwork (it was expained it was an admin post!!)
Frightened of the filing room and was haunted (admittedly the filing was a real pain the A!$" but nobody ever died in the filing room!!)
They had a papercut and was now off sick with an industrial injury and emotional stress (and tried to sue for sick pay - this was around 2003 I think...)

Most recent was one who went to the loo after an hour and never came back. My previous boss spent two hours trying to get hold of her and the temp agency to ensure nothing had happened to said temp and was finanly told that the temp had left and didn't want to return as she said "she didn't like the layout of the office and it was not good for her feng shui and damaging her personal aura!!" If you could have seen my previous bosses face when she was told over the phone that you'd wet yourself with laughter - we still giggle about it in the office!!!

We don't use that temp agency anymore.....

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

ive had a colluege in a training room complain that the paperwork we had to do was causing her undue mental strain.

Question 1 : What is your name
Question 2 DOB?
Question 3 Address
Question 4 Next of kin ("What does that mean?")
Question 5 Contact Telephone Number
Question 6 Bank details ("Whats a sort code?")

[jasons]

Re: Best Excuse not to get a job

I'm 30 and done nearly every job you can imagine, i didn't for a long while have a trade and did an awful lot of temp work to get by, there were times where i didn't work for a couple of weeks here and there but i never had the need to sign on.

A friend of a friend who's not the brightest spark decided to boast about the fact that he managed to get a 14 hour cleaning job after 2 years of being on job seekers, o.k he got a job... which is good but he further boasted that because he works less than 16 hours and doesn't earn much that he will still be entitled to job seekers and housing benefit, I put him in his place and said basically that i might as well be giving my tax directly to him, he's taking the mick and there's no reason why he should be scrounging off society... there's nothing wrong with him, he's not mentally ill or has any health issues.

He shrugged it off with a snigger although i think he could see i was angry he chose to think his point of view is the right one and that obviously society owe's his laziness something, make's me sick.