Bah Humbug

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bah Humbug

Well.... last night I was chatting to said insane brother on the phone, and I told him his work with molly was famous.
I explained about the Beagles (again as he had forgotten) and told him about the thread, he creased up and said "Oh I have to contribute to that one!"

This is an original peice by my darling Matt, and if I may say..... its fantastic, you're gonna love it!

My name is Father Christmas
Or Santa, or Saint Nick
But someone's gone and pinched the sleigh
The theiving little p rick!

I knew it was a bad idea
To park it outside Dixon's
Who's stupid idea was it now?
I bet that bugger Vixens!

I've called the cops about it
But they say they can do nowt,
To be fair a car is useless,
they need the helicopter out!

I know why it got nicked you know
I left the sack in it
I wish I could see the person's face
It's full of reindeer s-hit!

I've got a spare back home, its cool
I can get the bus back home
and call the Elf Insurance up
and read their mighty tome!

Still I'd rather have the old one
She's going to be missed.
But.... here she comes... WTF?
IT'S RUDOLPH! DRIVING PI5SED!!

I wondered why he giggled so
He seemed a little merry
Well that's the last time laughing boy
Get's to try the sherry

I best be off now people
a gift wont wrap itself
I wish you Merry Christmas, God's blessing, love and health

[Inca]

Re: Bah Humbug

Once a teacher always a teacher. Excellent work Inca's daughter, but it's all in the first person lol!:tinysmile_kiss_t4:

Not MY daughter Labs lol,,Puffs,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,change yer specs,,bless yer heart

[Inca]

Re: Bah Humbug

[Sapphire]

Re: Bah Humbug

Couldn't resist

[Bill-K]

Re: Bah Humbug

Thanks guys for your 'Grinchy' moments. We need to do this, don't we ? We're all big kids at this time of year, but doing the 'Bah Humbug' thing is a bit like going outside for a fag while the kids enjoy their Christmas party. As an ex-cabbie, I saw a fair bit of the 'Bah Humbug' side, so this little story - sent by my Aussie Bruv-in-Law - is quite believable:-
" With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends. Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a taxi home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a taxi they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a taxi before.
I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. "

[labman]

Re: Bah Humbug

I couldn't even do the first reindeer - kept killing elves!

http://www.dedge.com/christmas/

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Bah Humbug

I got 3 reindeers

cool game

do i look like a reindeer to you?!?!

[Inca]

Re: Bah Humbug

When we were kids,all living at home,(in a 3up 2 down.God alone knows how ! 6 kids and Muvver),we had a big old rayburn in the kitchen and every Xmas Mum would light the thing on Xmas Eve and in would go Trevor the Turkey (always Trevor,,dunno why),,Anyhooooooo he would cook away all night,we would all get dragged out to Midnight Mass,Mother in her Sunday best,all smiles and ever so very slightly tipsy.We would come home to the delicious aroma of turkey and go to bed dreaming of the massive feast awaiting us.As the older siblings grew up they went to pub before Mass,but would rock up in time to keep Mum happy.
One year,on Xmas Day,,Mum took Trev out of the oven with her usual flourish to find Trev was legless,he had been amputated,one of his huge clodhoppers was missing,ever so neatly dissected from his body!! We all fell about laughing thinking Mum had bought a disabled bird,my brother joined in stating the cat must have eaten it!
Yes,agreed Mum,we have the only bloody cat in the world that can carve a leg off,eat it,and leave it's plate,knife and effing fork in the sink!!!! Tony realised at this point that his drunken munchies had been discovered.

[labman]

Re: Bah Humbug

Christmas Notice...........

Dear Staff,

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a risk assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.

Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that — prior to shining his/her glory all around — s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EEOC legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages.
It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
Further caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas, Risk Management Department