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Just for Laughs

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  • #1

    Just for Laughs

    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
    Jeremy Paxman:
    		 What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
    Contestant:
    		 Homosexuals.
    Jeremy Paxman:
    		 No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.



    BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston:
    		 Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant:
    		 Geography isn't my strong point.
    Jamie Theakston:
    		 There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant:
    		 Leicester



    BBC NORFOLK
    Stewart White:
    		 Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant:
    		 I don't know.
    Stewart White:
    		 I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant:
    		 Arm
    Stewart White:
    		 Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
    Contestant:
    		 Strong.
    Stewart White:
    		 Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
    Contestant:
    		 Louis
    Stewart White:
    		 Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant:
    		 Frank Sinatra?

    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
    Alex Trelinski:
    		 What is the capital of Italy ?
    Contestant:
    		 France.
    Trelinski:
    		 France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant:
    		 Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski:
    		 Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant:
    		 Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski:
    		 Just guess a country then.
    Contestant:
    		 Paris.



    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson:
    		 Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?
    Contestant:
    		 The Conservative Party.



    BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
    DJ Mark:
    		 For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis:
    		 I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?



    UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
    Bamber Gascoyne:
    		 What was Gandhi's first name?
    Contestant:
    		 Goosey?



    GWR FM ( Bristol )
    Presenter:
    		 What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
    Contestant:
    		 I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.



    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO?MANCHESTER)
    Phil:
    		 What's 11 squared?
    Contestant:
    		 I don't know.
    Phil:
    		 I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
    Contestant:
    		 Is it five?



    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Richard:
    		 Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
    Contestant:
    		 Forrest Gump.



    RICHARD AND JUDY
    Richard:
    		 On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
    Contestant:
    		 Er. ... ...
    Richard:
    		 He makes bread . . ..
    Contestant:
    		 Er .. ......
    Richard:
    		 He makes cakes . . ..
    Contestant:
    		 Kipling Street?



    LINCS FM PHONE-IN
    Presenter:
    		 Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
    Contestant:
    		 Barcelona.
    Presenter:
    		 I was really after the name of a country.
    Contestant:
    		 I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain ..



    NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
    Question:
    		 What is the world's largest continent?
    Contestant:
    		 The Pacific.



    ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
    Presenter:
    		 Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
    Contestant:
    		 Who Framed Roger Rabbit?



    THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
    Steve Le Fevre:
    		 What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
    Contestant:
    		 Magna Carta?



    JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
    James O'Brien:
    		 How many kings of England have been called Henry?
    Contestant:
    		 Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?



    CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
    Chris Searle:
    		 In which European country is Mount Etna ?
    Caller:
    		 Japan.
    Chris Searle:
    		 I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.
    Caller:
    		 Er ........ Mexico ?



    PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
    Paul Wappat:
    		 How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
    Contestant (long pause):
    		 Fourteen days.





    DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
    Daryl Denham:
    		 In which country would you spend shekels?
    Contestant:
    		 Holland?
    Daryl Denham:
    		 Try the next letter of the alphabet.
    Contestant:
    		 Iceland? Ireland ?
    Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
    		 It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
    Contestant:
    		 No.



    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
    Phil Wood:
    		 What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant:
    		 Er... .... ...
    Phil Wood:
    		 It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .
    Contestant:
    		 Blimey?
    Phil Wood:
    		 Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant:
    		 (Silence)
    Phil Wood:
    		 OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant:
    		 Walked?



    THE VAULT
    Melanie Sykes:
    		 What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
    Contestant:
    		 Nostalgia.



    STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
    Wright:
    		 Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
    Contestant:
    		 Jesus.
    Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

    By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

    If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

    I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

    The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR
    Tags: None
    • 8 likes
  • #2
    Re: Just for Laughs

    hillarious!
    • 1 thank

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Just for Laughs

      LOL - Mrs-K is watching Dallas repeats downstairs as I type. I asked her the 'Dallas' question, and she answered "JFK was shot." I thought she might have said "JR was shot ?" - so good on her. She literally PHSL when I told her the answer in Teaboy's post !!!
      • 1 thank

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Just for Laughs

        Lol
        Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

        By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

        If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

        I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

        The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Just for Laughs

          Subject: This is your Captain speaking





          Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:


          'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and..... OH, MY GOD !'

          Silence followed!

          Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom.

          'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you          . While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'



          One Irish passenger yelled...

          'For f*#k's sake ........ you should see the back of mine!!!'
          Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

          By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

          If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

          I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

          The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR
          • 2 likes

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Just for Laughs

            Are this the multiple choice options for DCA exams?
            • 1 thank

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Just for Laughs

              Yeah i can see it now - Dear DCA, If you answer all of the following queastions correctly, then and only then will i know you have a level of intelligence for which i may spare you from a reort to the OFT.

              When/if they answers, send a letter back stating 0 questions answered correctly. All participants found to be using google for the answers are not just cheaters but clearly brainless and worthy if a report to the OFT for being so lol.
              Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

              By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

              If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

              I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

              The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR
              • 2 likes

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Just for Laughs

                Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
                They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
                The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
                The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
                The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
                The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
                "Do you know where God is, son?"
                The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
                So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
                "Where is God?!
                Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
                The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
                The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
                When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
                "What happened?"
                The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
                "We are in BIG trouble this time!"
                "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
                One life - Live it!
                • 2 likes

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Just for Laughs

                  A farmer gets a phone call from his son.
                  I've hit a pig and it’s stuck under the pickup, still alive...
                  Shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....
                  20mins later he gets another call...
                  Done that, now what do I do with his speed camera and motorbike?

                  Sorry BB

                  Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya.
                  They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand and one full of cement. It was a mortar attack.

                  The missus asked if she pleased me in bed ?
                  I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth."
                  "What trick?" she asked?
                  "The one where you shut up and go to sleep!"

                  A man approaches a young woman in a shop. He says I can't find my wife, can I talk to you for a few minutes?
                  The woman says sure but do you have any idea where your wife is?
                  Not a clue he says; but whenever I talk to a woman with t*ts like yours, she appears out of nowhere!

                  Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk. Husband says "that's not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"
                  One life - Live it!
                  • 3 likes

                  Comment

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