How to wash your cat.

[Niklowe]

My last attempt was like trying to commit suicide. Here’s the way to do it. I don’t know why I never tried this before. This method was sent to me lately.

1. Put both lids of the lavatory up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the lavatory and close the lid.

You may need to stand on the lid

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the lavatory, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the lavatory three or four times, this provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the lavatory as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the lavatory, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the lavatory and the cat will be sparkling clean..

Yours sincerely,

The Dog !!

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: How to wash your cat.

thats like how to give a cat a pill,

1: hold cat on knee,
2: try to open cat's mouth
3:bathe cat bite in straight vodka
4: lift cat up again using soft voice and reassure her, try above process again
5: Swear, profusely, bathe cat scratches in vodka, take good swig.
6: Wrap cat in blanket, have someone else hold her move in close to feed pill,
7: put ice on black eye caused by scratched helper smacking you in the face in shock, have another glass of vodka.
8: give up, crush pill and put on cat food.

To give a pill to a dog...

wrap it in ham

[Monzter]

Re: How to wash your cat.

Really must try that with my cat........... lmao and pmsl that is funny!!




Exerts from a dogs diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:40 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favourite thing!
7:30 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!


Exerts from a cats diary

Day 972 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Evil People!

Day 973 of my captivity.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 974 of my captivity.
Two workmen came to the house today. As they rested after strengthening the interior of my confines, I sat on one, gently hooking my claws into their clothing. My plan was to cling on until they left, thus escape with them under the cover of their departure. The other workman went outside first and came back smelling strangely after something called a "cigarette". Curses! I'd picked the wrong one! I heard they are coming back again in another week. I will repeat my escape attempt then.
Day 975 of my captivity.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now....