Christmas Jokes.

[di30]

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake
Tarzipan !
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !
What did the big cracker say to the little cracker ?
My pop is bigger than yours !
Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !
What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey !
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
Your teeth !
We had grandma for Christmas dinner ?
Really, we had turkey !
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
You get tinsel-itus !
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y !

[di30]

Re: Christmas Jokes.

What did the guest sing at the Eskimo's Christmas party ?
Freeze a jolly fellow !
What party game did Jekyll like best ?
Hyde and Seek !
Did you hear about the man who went to the fancy dress party as a bone ?
A dog ate him in the hall !
What would you do if you saw Dracula, Frankenstein & The Swamp Thing ?
Hope they were going as a fancy dress party !
Why couldn't the butterfly go to the Chistmas ball ?
It was a moth ball !
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party ?
Chick to chick !
Did you hear about Dracula's Christmas party ?
It was a scream !
Did you hear about the party with lots of fireworks, balloons & crackers ?
It went with a bang !
What did Dracula say at the Christmas party ?
Fancy a bite ?
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party ?
He had no body to go with !

[di30]

Re: Christmas Jokes.

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !

What do snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps !
What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Snowballs

How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !

What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !

How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !

What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !

How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !

[Caspar]

Re: Christmas Jokes.

A couple of slightly riskier ones:

What's the difference between snowmen and snow-women?
Snowballs!




I went into a pet shop the other day as I'd always wanted a parrot. I asked the owner and he said as it was Christmas time he'd bought three in specially for the festive season.

He took me to the first one and said, "this one's called Billy! Tap his nose and he sings.

I tapped his nose and sure enough Billy piped up, "O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant......."

Next he took me to the second one and said, "this ones called Harry! Tap his nose and he sings.

I tapped his beak and sure enough Harry piped up, "We wish you a merry Christmas, We wish you a merry Christmas......"

I said, they're really clever, how much are they?"

The owner replied, "Billy and Harry are £25, but Chess here is £150!"

"150!" I exclaimed, "how come he's so much more expensive?"

The owner told me he did tricks as well as sing. He passed me a lighter and told me to hold it between the parrot's legs.

Feeling slightly nervous I did as he said. I reached into the cage and lit the lighter right between the legs of Chess.

Chess stood there for a few seconds, then gave an alarming squawk and started singing, "Chess nuts roasting on an open fire!"

[di30]

Re: Christmas Jokes.

Lmao............that is so cool.....LOL

[di30]

Re: Christmas Jokes.


Question and Answer Christmas Jokes

Q: What do elves learn in school?

A: The Elf-abet!

Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
A: "I don't like sprouts" !

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
A: Missletoe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

Q: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem.

Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A: Ribbon hood.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter ?
A: Because it's to far to walk.

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A: Forty feet of track - all straight!