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This one went off in February. Despite going by registered mail and using
my real name and address in the original, it's unfortunate she hasn't yet
found the time to respond. Or return the cash.
From: Nathan Spleen
Director of Marketing
GlaxoSmithKline
To: Angela Knight CBE
Chief Executive
BBA
Pinners Hall
105-108 Old Broad Street
London EC2N 1EX
United Kingdom
25/2/07
Dear Ms Knight
Firstly, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nathan Spleen, Director of Marketing for international pharmaceuticals giant GlaxoSmithKline, makers of the market leading teenage suicide pill, Sexocrap.
I would like to draw your attention to our latest product, ‘Guilt’o’Gon’ which I feel may be of particular interest to you.
The drug itself is a derivative of the family of drugs known as Elestoned, an industrial strength large- mammal tranquiliser. Guilt’o’Gon has been developed to treat feelings of remorse and is particularly effective at allowing the patient to condone the mugging, by large financial institutions, of their customers of up to £39 a time, without suffering the obvious niggling of conscience one would normally experience when performing such a crass act.
So far the results of our independent drug trails have been little short of stunning. Please take time to read the following endorsements: Politician, TB of London, says ‘’Guilt’o’Gon? golly, well I simply couldn’t invade middle eastern countries for no good reason without it. And as for my wife, Cherrie, she’s now even charging charities £500000 a time for after dinner speeches with no qualms at all, since she’s been raiding my stash.’’
And R Mugabe, African dictator, agrees: ‘’Since I’ve been on Guilt’o’Gon, the eviction rates of the poorest people in my country have more than trebled. I feel so at one with the world, I even have the nerve to go to church now!
So, Ms Kniight, if you are still unconvinced, please try the sample pack enclosed. This medicine is available in three formats, powder form, soluble tablet and coated caplet, the latter of which I have chosen for your freebie, as unlike your members penalty charges, people find them easier to swallow.
WARNING
Please read the instructions first.
Take Guilt’o’Gon I hour before making any misleading statements.
Side effects may include mass personal bankruptcies, misery to millions and huge profits for the banking industry.
Not suitable for those suffering from any form morality or those of a reasonable disposition
We would be interested in adding your name to our endorsement list so please find £39 enclosed.
Yours
Nathan Spleen
my real name and address in the original, it's unfortunate she hasn't yet
found the time to respond. Or return the cash.
From: Nathan Spleen
Director of Marketing
GlaxoSmithKline
To: Angela Knight CBE
Chief Executive
BBA
Pinners Hall
105-108 Old Broad Street
London EC2N 1EX
United Kingdom
25/2/07
Dear Ms Knight
Firstly, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Nathan Spleen, Director of Marketing for international pharmaceuticals giant GlaxoSmithKline, makers of the market leading teenage suicide pill, Sexocrap.
I would like to draw your attention to our latest product, ‘Guilt’o’Gon’ which I feel may be of particular interest to you.
The drug itself is a derivative of the family of drugs known as Elestoned, an industrial strength large- mammal tranquiliser. Guilt’o’Gon has been developed to treat feelings of remorse and is particularly effective at allowing the patient to condone the mugging, by large financial institutions, of their customers of up to £39 a time, without suffering the obvious niggling of conscience one would normally experience when performing such a crass act.
So far the results of our independent drug trails have been little short of stunning. Please take time to read the following endorsements: Politician, TB of London, says ‘’Guilt’o’Gon? golly, well I simply couldn’t invade middle eastern countries for no good reason without it. And as for my wife, Cherrie, she’s now even charging charities £500000 a time for after dinner speeches with no qualms at all, since she’s been raiding my stash.’’
And R Mugabe, African dictator, agrees: ‘’Since I’ve been on Guilt’o’Gon, the eviction rates of the poorest people in my country have more than trebled. I feel so at one with the world, I even have the nerve to go to church now!
So, Ms Kniight, if you are still unconvinced, please try the sample pack enclosed. This medicine is available in three formats, powder form, soluble tablet and coated caplet, the latter of which I have chosen for your freebie, as unlike your members penalty charges, people find them easier to swallow.
WARNING
Please read the instructions first.
Take Guilt’o’Gon I hour before making any misleading statements.
Side effects may include mass personal bankruptcies, misery to millions and huge profits for the banking industry.
Not suitable for those suffering from any form morality or those of a reasonable disposition
We would be interested in adding your name to our endorsement list so please find £39 enclosed.
Yours
Nathan Spleen
but alas...just like the ad, it probably paid for half a bottle of fizz at the next executive gathering.
)
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