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Today is not a good day.
There, I said it. Today is one of those days where you sit and think "Why do I feel this way?"
The problem is, I know why.
i have PTSD, severe PTSD, and it's being a turd today! I haven't eaten since yesterday because I think people that are walking past my house are somehow judging my ability to be a mother on my size, even though I know that they can't bloody well see me through pulled curtains.
My son is at a friend's house, I am waiting for the phone to ring saying that he has been reported to SS for being short, even though I know it won't happen!!
I am having a new range cooker delivered tomorrow, that oughta be fun with me being hypervigilant at the moment, I am waiting to be reported for the broken one being outside waiting to be removed by the delivery men!
I broke down because my dog got fleas in the park and Hubby had to bath her! (She's flea free now thank Christ!) How pathetic is that?
I am having literal panic attacks because I have a backlog of washing in the kitchen (it's Christmas, I took a few days off).
So I decided to pull all the curtains and stop myself watching people, to turn the phone down so I don't jump when it rings. My mother arrived and opened all the curtains saying it looked like someone had died!
I have spent half the day crying, the other half trying to stop myself, and why? Cos my mind is playing tricks on me!
So I sit and apologise, physically say "sorry!" for feeling this way, I even apologised to the one person who has loved me for 18 years and accepted this part of me - my husband! He now thinks I have been abducted by an alien and is talking about bringing in the X-files!
I have no idea what brought this flare up on, but whatever it is I wish in Hades!
But you know what? It's ok, I'm not alright but that's ok!
When you are not ok, that's ok too! It's ok not to be ok!
You're not to blame, tears are not a sign of weakness they are a sign you have been strong too long, and if that's right I am strong enough to bench press a Rolls Royce!
So, come at me PTSD and with the help of the Beagles Ima make you scream for your mama!!
There, I said it. Today is one of those days where you sit and think "Why do I feel this way?"
The problem is, I know why.
i have PTSD, severe PTSD, and it's being a turd today! I haven't eaten since yesterday because I think people that are walking past my house are somehow judging my ability to be a mother on my size, even though I know that they can't bloody well see me through pulled curtains.
My son is at a friend's house, I am waiting for the phone to ring saying that he has been reported to SS for being short, even though I know it won't happen!!
I am having a new range cooker delivered tomorrow, that oughta be fun with me being hypervigilant at the moment, I am waiting to be reported for the broken one being outside waiting to be removed by the delivery men!
I broke down because my dog got fleas in the park and Hubby had to bath her! (She's flea free now thank Christ!) How pathetic is that?
I am having literal panic attacks because I have a backlog of washing in the kitchen (it's Christmas, I took a few days off).
So I decided to pull all the curtains and stop myself watching people, to turn the phone down so I don't jump when it rings. My mother arrived and opened all the curtains saying it looked like someone had died!
I have spent half the day crying, the other half trying to stop myself, and why? Cos my mind is playing tricks on me!
So I sit and apologise, physically say "sorry!" for feeling this way, I even apologised to the one person who has loved me for 18 years and accepted this part of me - my husband! He now thinks I have been abducted by an alien and is talking about bringing in the X-files!
I have no idea what brought this flare up on, but whatever it is I wish in Hades!
But you know what? It's ok, I'm not alright but that's ok!
When you are not ok, that's ok too! It's ok not to be ok!
You're not to blame, tears are not a sign of weakness they are a sign you have been strong too long, and if that's right I am strong enough to bench press a Rolls Royce!
So, come at me PTSD and with the help of the Beagles Ima make you scream for your mama!!
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