The Good Wife's Guide (a new one)

[Kafka]

This is an illustrated posting similar to an earlier one that harks back to the salad days............

As the first one was so popular I thought beagles might enjoy the companion post....

[theGobbyOne]

there is no such thing as a good wife..........there are only obediant husbands Kafka!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please remember your place PMSL

[strangewayofsavin]

there is no such thing as a good wife

You said it gobbs

[theGobbyOne]

You git Strange you bloody mis quoted me

[strangewayofsavin]

Welcome to freedom of the press lol

[iancognito]

The 2007 version:

1. Have dinner ready, Iceland do ready meals for a quid a peice so that leaves plenty of change from the £100 a week you take off him in housekeeping. If he's a fat git, bung a few oven chips in as well.
2. Make sure you get up 15 minutes before he comes home, that will give you time to get rid of his best mate and dive in the shower, and of course the bed will be cold by the time he gets in.
3. If he wants a little gay, introduce him to the guy round the corner with the pink fleece and gold pants, then leave them to it while you go to the pub with your mates.
4. Leave the vacuum cleaner just inside the front door when he comes in and run the tap when he's walking up the drive, that way he'll think you've just finished washing up and are far too busy to put the vacuum cleaner away when you've finished with it.
5. Throw the kids and their toys in the bedroom just before he comes in, for good measure, give them a clout round the head to make sure they keep quiet.
6. Make sure you turn the heating off at least half an hour before he comes home, that way he'll think you've just got the house warm for him rather than sitting snug in front of loose women all day.
7. To keep the kids quiet, give them a McDonalds Happy Meal just before he comes in then lock them in their room with the toy.
8. Try to make your grimace look like a smile when he comes in, remember how well you manage to act during his infrequent fumblings in the dark.
9. See 8.
10. Let him go on with himself as usual, spend the time daydreaming about him walking out under a bus on his way to work tomorrow, try to only smile when appropriate or he may suss you out.
11. Try to look disappointed when he says he has to go out without you, leave adverts for interesting seminars and events lying about the house, he may do it more often.
12. Make sure your home is a place of peace order and tranquility - until he comes home, one day he may not so best to be organised.
13. Let him find out about the problems when he gets the credit card bill and the final demand for council tax - make sure the bills are in his name.
14. If he comes home late or not at all - celebrate!!!
15. Tell him to go make himself comfortable in the bedroom then you can watch emmerdale, coronation street and eastenders in peace, with a bit of luck, he'll be asleep by the time you go to bed.
16. Arrange the pillow over his face and press hard, take his shoes off first so he doesn't injure you when nervous spasm kicks in due to shortage of oxygen tot he brain.
17. Let him think he's the master of the house - see 13 re bills and credit cards.
18. A good wife always makes her husband believes she is, right up to the point where she throws him out, keeps the house, car and bank account, oh and don't forget those credit cards.

[mistie]

A classic jan, pmsl .........

[Xena]

love it jan

[scarletrose]

very good Jan

how effective is this ???

lol