The Differences Between Men and Women

[Kafka]

The Differences Between Men and Women

A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Any married man should forget his mistakes: there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

[iancognito]

Women....

1.We got off the Titanic first.
2.We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3.Taxis stop for us.
4.We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5.No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6.We don't have to pass wind to amuse ourselves.
7.If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8.We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9.We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10.We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11.We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked
12.If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13.We will never regret piercing our ears
14.There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15.We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

[Paule]

Female v Male Dictionary

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Paul