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A helpful guide to MPs' expenses
Just put this here, as I think it will help with the debate I think we will soon be having
Picture This: With MPs' expenses under increased scrutiny, Jim White imagines the memo given to new arrivals...
Use of wife as secretary: There is nothing in the rules precluding the use of your wife as a secretary, though new MPs might be well advised that many of their predecessors have got into trouble by attempting to use their secretary as a wife.
Caribbean holidays: Reimbursable, as long as the celebrity whose villa you have managed to cadge for a fortnight's R'n'R with the family is a constituent. See also Flowers (Sir Elton John).
Mortgage: Known for shorthand purposes as the Mandy, or more formally, the Lord M. MPs should be aware that mortgages are not generally admissible as a chargeable expense, unless the mortgage is in the form of a loan from a fellow cabinet minister, in which case it is a private issue between colleagues, and nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else, particularly not those cynics in the press who sneer from the sidelines and have never rolled up their sleeves to get a tough job done.
Furthermore, though you didn't hear it from us, MPs are advised that these days it is probably better if they are looking for a mortgage to rely on the good offices of a cabinet minister rather than a commercial financial institution – not because this is a more legitimate form of mortgage, but because, right now, a cabinet minister is likely to have more liquid assets than any commercial financial institution.
Use of researcher for childcare: Not permissible, unless the researcher happens to be one of your own children, in which case he can be paid to look after himself.
Use of family members as researchers: See above. If the research extends beyond childcare, then the family member will need to present themselves for duty at the House of Commons at least once a month. If nothing else, this should make a line for the column they have just been commissioned to write for Tatler about financing their gap year by pretending to work for daddy.
Pension contributions: Many new MPs worry whether, given the recent public backlash against such practices, they will be able to rely on what has become known as the Sir Fred manoeuvre, and build up a tidy pension pot. Let us put your mind at ease: you've come to the right place. This is not the real world. These things are taken care of.
School fees: Not a permissible expense, even if the children are legitimate.
Home entertainment: A grey area, particularly when it comes to the choice of movie packages. A simple rule of thumb is this: Sky News good, Playboy Channel bad (though in truth, some of the output on Channel X can be quite diverting). The important thing to remember is that you really wouldn't want the rest of the world to think of you sitting at home alone on your sofa, tuning in like a right sad old Timney.
Own cars and mileage: MPs are entitled to claim for up to two vehicles for most forms of constituency business (both of which, in the case of recently retired cabinet ministers, can be Jaguars). However, this does not include mileage for popping down to the shops to pick up a couple of adult DVDs after the cable company cuts off your home entertainment system for non-payment of monthly fees.
Second-hand bondage equipment: Otherwise known as money for old rope. See also Entertainment (Formula One bosses).
Public transport: Since the London Underground is used by MPs solely for photo opportunities to establish their Green credentials (See also: Push-bikes and Toyota Priuses, purchase thereof) any submission of tickets outside of election time will be viewed as fraudulent, as these were clearly picked up by a researcher trawling the bins in front of Westminster Tube station.
Use of home as office: Another grey area. Depends what you mean by the word "home". Is this your constituency residence, outside of which you are photographed by the local paper on election night? Or is it your main residence, where you house your wife and family? Or perhaps it might be your London residence, where you house your researcher? Alternatively, it could be the back bedroom of your parents' place, where you go to get a bit of work done when the atmosphere at your principle residence sours following a row between your wife and your researcher over the extent of the latter's duties. Actually, on further examination of the small print, it appears not to matter: why not claim for all four?
Troughs: Legitimate, as every politician – particularly those serving in Europe – needs one into which they can practise burying their nose.
A helpful guide to MPs' expenses - Telegraph
Picture This: With MPs' expenses under increased scrutiny, Jim White imagines the memo given to new arrivals...
Use of wife as secretary: There is nothing in the rules precluding the use of your wife as a secretary, though new MPs might be well advised that many of their predecessors have got into trouble by attempting to use their secretary as a wife.
Caribbean holidays: Reimbursable, as long as the celebrity whose villa you have managed to cadge for a fortnight's R'n'R with the family is a constituent. See also Flowers (Sir Elton John).
Mortgage: Known for shorthand purposes as the Mandy, or more formally, the Lord M. MPs should be aware that mortgages are not generally admissible as a chargeable expense, unless the mortgage is in the form of a loan from a fellow cabinet minister, in which case it is a private issue between colleagues, and nothing whatsoever to do with anyone else, particularly not those cynics in the press who sneer from the sidelines and have never rolled up their sleeves to get a tough job done.
Furthermore, though you didn't hear it from us, MPs are advised that these days it is probably better if they are looking for a mortgage to rely on the good offices of a cabinet minister rather than a commercial financial institution – not because this is a more legitimate form of mortgage, but because, right now, a cabinet minister is likely to have more liquid assets than any commercial financial institution.
Use of researcher for childcare: Not permissible, unless the researcher happens to be one of your own children, in which case he can be paid to look after himself.
Use of family members as researchers: See above. If the research extends beyond childcare, then the family member will need to present themselves for duty at the House of Commons at least once a month. If nothing else, this should make a line for the column they have just been commissioned to write for Tatler about financing their gap year by pretending to work for daddy.
Pension contributions: Many new MPs worry whether, given the recent public backlash against such practices, they will be able to rely on what has become known as the Sir Fred manoeuvre, and build up a tidy pension pot. Let us put your mind at ease: you've come to the right place. This is not the real world. These things are taken care of.
School fees: Not a permissible expense, even if the children are legitimate.
Home entertainment: A grey area, particularly when it comes to the choice of movie packages. A simple rule of thumb is this: Sky News good, Playboy Channel bad (though in truth, some of the output on Channel X can be quite diverting). The important thing to remember is that you really wouldn't want the rest of the world to think of you sitting at home alone on your sofa, tuning in like a right sad old Timney.
Own cars and mileage: MPs are entitled to claim for up to two vehicles for most forms of constituency business (both of which, in the case of recently retired cabinet ministers, can be Jaguars). However, this does not include mileage for popping down to the shops to pick up a couple of adult DVDs after the cable company cuts off your home entertainment system for non-payment of monthly fees.
Second-hand bondage equipment: Otherwise known as money for old rope. See also Entertainment (Formula One bosses).
Public transport: Since the London Underground is used by MPs solely for photo opportunities to establish their Green credentials (See also: Push-bikes and Toyota Priuses, purchase thereof) any submission of tickets outside of election time will be viewed as fraudulent, as these were clearly picked up by a researcher trawling the bins in front of Westminster Tube station.
Use of home as office: Another grey area. Depends what you mean by the word "home". Is this your constituency residence, outside of which you are photographed by the local paper on election night? Or is it your main residence, where you house your wife and family? Or perhaps it might be your London residence, where you house your researcher? Alternatively, it could be the back bedroom of your parents' place, where you go to get a bit of work done when the atmosphere at your principle residence sours following a row between your wife and your researcher over the extent of the latter's duties. Actually, on further examination of the small print, it appears not to matter: why not claim for all four?
Troughs: Legitimate, as every politician – particularly those serving in Europe – needs one into which they can practise burying their nose.
A helpful guide to MPs' expenses - Telegraph
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