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Hi can somone advise me 34 years ago i was married to a man and we lost our son we had no money to bury him so my dear dad stepped in and paid he purchased a plot for 3 persons to be buried in. did not realize at the time but for some unknown reason it was put in my then husbands name we divorced 2 years after. Forward 30 odd years my dad died 20 months ago his dearest wish was to be buried with his grandson in the grave only then did we realize it was in the name of my x husband. We managed to find him living abroad and he was in complete agreement with my dad being buried there and signed and faxed the papers to the cemateries office and sent us an email saying that next time he visited the uk he would sign it over to me. 21 months later my mum passed away {this last week} iv contacted him to ask for permission again so my dear mum and dad can be together {thay were married 60 years} and he said no way we are devestated how can they not be buried together . this is cruel and wicked we all know its because he has fallen out with my daughter {his daughter} its a revenge thing his last stab at our family i dont belive anyone can be so wicked why did he agree 21 months ago he should have said no and we would have purchested a new plot. Anyway iv found out that graves are only leased with a right to buriel for 30 years with an option to extend the lease which i know he hasnt done so do we have any chance to use the grave this is a very very unfair situation if you can give any advice i will be so gratfull sorry for the long story please please help me
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Re: buriel issue
Hi NiceNanny and welcome,
If your ex has not renewed the lease then I suggest you get in touch with your local council as they will know what happens in this situation.
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Re: buriel issue
i know its not a nice subject, and im very sorry for your terrible loss.
Is it not possible to put mum in with dad, in the same coffin? My gran was cremated and interred with my granddad. This may be a way for you mum and dads final wishes to be met.
Big hugs and good wishes to you and your family at this sad time hun, tcComment
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Re: buriel issue
ODC is probably the best person to advise on that point, Puff, seeing as he's worked in that field. To the best of my knowledge, it is not possible to put two persons in the same coffin/casket. I will, however, PM ODC and ask him to advise.Originally posted by puffrose View PostLife is a journey on which we all travel, sometimes together, but never alone.Comment
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Re: buriel issue
Technically the person who has the grave lease decides who can be buried in the grave. Local councils will always want to see the lease produced before a burial can be arranged. There is obviously no point in pleading to your exe's sence of decency as obviously he does not posess one. Short of getting solicitors involved with all the expense and delay that would cause you are left with he option of having your late mother cremated and either retaining her ashes (you or the undertaker) and hope that this ar$ehole gets a consience sometime in the future. Thhen you could have the grave opened and your mothers ashes interred at a later date with or without a clergyman involved. Its just a pity that when hee agreed to your Mum being buried in the grave that he did not transfer the grave lease over.
Sorry I cannot be of more help but if i can think of a better solution then I will post back hereComment
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Re: buriel issue
Thank you, ODC.Life is a journey on which we all travel, sometimes together, but never alone.Comment
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Re: buriel issue
Its not exactly what you want hun I know but, can you not scatter Mums ashes over the graves? then she will be with both of them.
I felt a sense of peace when we scattered a friends ashes at his farm in Ireland, and its the best comprimise I can think of atm.Comment
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Re: buriel issue
I had thought of suggesting scattering the Ashes but it seemed important to TheO that her mother and father were inter same grave spaceComment
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Re: buriel issue
yeh, its kinda the last idea i had
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Re: buriel issue
Thankyou all so much for your replys and good wishes i think we will have to go with the cremation idea. Im a great beliver in kama what goes around comes around and this man will get his comeuppence one day in the future. Thanks all once againComment
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Re: buriel issue
My friend lost her mum recently and had kept her dads ashes until her mums burial and then his ashes were placed in with her.
In your case I would check with the cemetryor counciland see what happens when the lease lapses as it still maybe possible for you to take over the lease and then all will be ok.
Enaid xComment
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Re: buriel issue
One of the police forces I served with used to escort boats with parties scattering ashes at sea out of Plymouth Sound and into the English Channel. The ceremony had the name of "Committal of Cremated Remains to the Deep". The relatives always used to comment how peaceful and dignified the ceremony was when they arrived back on dry land. Many of those whose remains were scattered at sea had links with the sea, sailors, fishermen, anglers, merchant seamen, maritime auxiliary service, lifeboatmen.Originally posted by puffrose View PostLife is a journey on which we all travel, sometimes together, but never alone.Comment
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Re: buriel issue
Aiden is at home in Ireland, in the Mersey and in the home goal at Anfield.
We scattered part of his ashes at home, the Mersey Ferry people kindly allowed us to scatter part of his ashes from the ferry (he was raised in Liverpool) and I wrote to Liverpool FC and they kindly wrote back and agreed to put an envelope with some of his ashes under the new turf they were laying. I felt a great ease knowing he was in 3 places he loved, and the sun shone the days we did the scattering.
Grandma was cremated and her ashes were interred with Granddad, together forever.
Nicenanny, im POSITIVE mum knows whats happened,and knows that your doing everything to meet her wishes.Comment
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