who is responsible to pay mums funeral

[madmaria43]

Hi I hope someone can help me on here because not only has my mother passed away but she had no insurance. There is me and my sister who is 25 years older than me who made my mum homeless so she had to live with me, my sister is a cow by the way. Sorry but she is!
When it came to sorting the funeral my sister told me to sort it out which I did, now I found there is no insurance i asked her to pay half the bill and she said no she wouldnt. I couldnt believe it her answer first was she had no money and then she shocked me when she was really nasty on the telephone and said she had spoken to a solicitor and because mum lived with me and because my sister did not have anything to do with the arranging of the funeral then it was my responsiblility totally.
Surely this can not be right there are two sisters me and her the only next of kin arent we equally responsible legally?? plese help i am going out of my mind thank you madmaria43

[enaid]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Hi and welcome,
You may be able to get some help with the funeral cost if you yourself are on benefits, here is some information about it Funeral Payments : Directgov - Money, tax and benefits

I do believe that whoever arranged the funeral and signed the paperwork is the one responsible to pay for it.

[frisp]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

sorry about your mam but I have to agree if you arrange then you pay, though most FDs have access to payment plans and your bank is likely to loan you the money so talk to both

[madmaria43]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Thankyou guys for your help and realistically that is what I thought you were going to say. I just cant believe it we have every law you can think of in this country but who would have believed that there isn't a law that makes siblings equally responsible for paying for their parents funeral, that is if they can not claim anything and there is no insurance. It woudnt be so bad if my sister had said from the start that she had no intentions of paying but I made it perfectly clear to her that the bill would be halved. She sounded shocked but never once did she say she couldnt or wouldnt pay. The cheeky heartless cow even got me to choose and pay for her flowers and she only just about managed to write on the card to go in them. This is someone who at the hospital put on a big show in front of everyone bawling and wailing and saying "she wasnt just my mother she was my best friend". Well I can tell you one thing I would hate to be her best friend if thats the way she would treat them. I just wished she wasnt related to me at all. Can I take her to court does anyone know?? thank you Madmaria

[enaid]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

I know you say your mum lived with you due to your sisters behaviour, but did your mum leave a will at all or any belongings?

[leclerc]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Thankyou guys for your help and realistically that is what I thought you were going to say. I just cant believe it we have every law you can think of in this country but who would have believed that there isn't a law that makes siblings equally responsible for paying for their parents funeral, that is if they can not claim anything and there is no insurance.
Unfortunately there is no legal obligation to help with the payment of a parents funeral. Morally, they certainly should do but legally they don't unfortunately.

It woudnt be so bad if my sister had said from the start that she had no intentions of paying but I made it perfectly clear to her that the bill would be halved. She sounded shocked but never once did she say she couldnt or wouldnt pay. The cheeky heartless cow even got me to choose and pay for her flowers and she only just about managed to write on the card to go in them.
Has she paid you back for the flowers because that part of it is something that she does owe you for, ie she chose the flowers and you paid for them which makes that a contract effectively.

This is someone who at the hospital put on a big show in front of everyone bawling and wailing and saying "she wasnt just my mother she was my best friend". Well I can tell you one thing I would hate to be her best friend if thats the way she would treat them. I just wished she wasnt related to me at all.
I have to say having an older brother and younger sister that I have thought that about them many many times.

Can I take her to court does anyone know?? thank you Madmaria

See above. As others have said with regards to payment for the funeral. Funeral Directors do make payment plans which my family had to do when my grandmother passed away in 2009 which meant that the funeral was paid off within 12 months. Enaid, has posted up the help that you can get from the DWP which is about form filling and waiting for a response(speak with the Funeral Director if you are doing this).

Unfortunately, there is no way you can make your sister pay for your mother's funeral and suing her for it won't help you either. The grieving process takes time and I would put this matter away and remember it. When she asks you for any help in the future, especially, where money is concerned, refuse it.

[Sapphire]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

I'm really sorry for your loss Madmaria, I've seen families split many times over finances when parents pass away, it really makes me thank the lord for being an only child.
I do hope that one day you can put this all behind you but I suspect its something that you will never forgive or forget, please accept a ((((Hug)))) from me.

[jax007]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Hello MM and welcome to the site.

Please accept my condolences for your loss and I sympathise with what you must be going through at this time - you don't need family c*ap along with having to deal with your loss and sorting out the arrangements on top of that too!!!

I know Enaid has posted up a website - I don't know about funeral expenses from the government (I wish I had as I lost my husband last year) but I do know there is a Bereavement Benefit and also a Bereavement Allowance (I got both but fell foul of the system because I did not claim in the required period - 3 or 4 months can't quite remember - and lost about 4-months worth of benefits which I am now appealing on the grounds that I suffered serious illness at the time but they ain't playing ball!).

However, back to the Bereavement benefits - this is I think based on whether your mum was of pensionable age and your age at time of death and the amount is based on what she would have received as a state pension - it's payable for a year after death, but again I don't know whether you have to be on benefits yourself or not.

The Bereavement Allowance is a one-off payment of £2000 - again the above applies.

The other thing is that, as a child of the deceased (albeit an adult) again I don't know if you would be eligible.

The IMPORTANT thing is to apply for everything you can and they'll soon tell you if you're not entitled.

The Benefits helpline number is
Benefit Enquiries 0800 881 2200

Give them a call and mention both the funeral benefit AND bereavement - they are really quite helpful provided you don't get a div on the other end and will point you in the right direction and give you phone numbers, etc.

BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do this sooner rather than later because they REALLY ARE STRICT on their deadlines and I'd hate you to miss out!!!!

Sadly, there ain't nothing like a funeral or a wedding to bring out the worst in people - for me, I cannot conceive of anyone behaving in the way your sister has - after all, it's not really about helping you out is it? It's more about doing something for her mum - just try to draw comfort from what you have done for your mum out of love and not duty - you've earned your place in heaven - has your sister?

Take care
jaxx

[MEGLOS]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

I do believe that whoever arranged the funeral and signed the paperwork is the one responsible to pay for it.

That is correct. It is a contract between the person instructing & the directors.

[madmaria43]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Hi guys
I just wanted to say thankyou to all of you for your advice, support and kind words. I have checked out everything that was suggestd and finally got a payment from the social fund which is just a loan and normally has to be repaid but they said that on this occasion due to the circumstances they would not ask for it to be paid back so that was a relief. They would not pay it all but they did pay over half. I went back to my sister saying that over half had been paid so she only needed to pay the remainder. The answer from her husband was "We are not getting into debt for anybody". So it looks like from their viewpoint mum was just anybody. There attitude makes me want to scream! Just thought i would add that my sister actually stole my mother and fathers flat hence they ended up homeless. But that is another story. Once again thankyou to all of you kind regards madmaria43x

[enaid]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Thanks for the update maria, it is always appreciated even if the result is not as good as yours was.
Take care and I do hope bridges can be built with your sister even though all will still be quite raw at the moment.
Enaid x

[leclerc]

Re: who is responsible to pay mums funeral

Hi guys
I just wanted to say thankyou to all of you for your advice, support and kind words. I have checked out everything that was suggestd and finally got a payment from the social fund which is just a loan and normally has to be repaid but they said that on this occasion due to the circumstances they would not ask for it to be paid back so that was a relief. They would not pay it all but they did pay over half. I went back to my sister saying that over half had been paid so she only needed to pay the remainder. The answer from her husband was "We are not getting into debt for anybody". So it looks like from their viewpoint mum was just anybody. There attitude makes me want to scream! Just thought i would add that my sister actually stole my mother and fathers flat hence they ended up homeless. But that is another story. Once again thankyou to all of you kind regards madmaria43x

You can't choose your family, unfortunately. The remaining balance can be repaid to the funeral director in instalments so that at least that part is dealt with. Remember, though, should she ever want you to loan her some money, well. "you can't be getting into debt can you?"