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I need some legal advice for some of the dark stuff i did in my childhood.
If at any point you feel like you cannot carry on reading this post, please do so.
Im 17. When i was younger, about 6-8/9, I manipulated someone who was 2 years younger than me to do sexual things. nothing penetrative, just coercing them to get naked and touching the buttocks, i had a weird thing for wedgies too so that too. i was exposed to sexual stuff early on and i assume thats what caused me to be like that. one of my cousins was there too but he was never involved physically, he just watched. i made it seem like it was a game to them. i want to apologise to both people now but i need to fully internalise the idea that pedophilia is absolutely harmful. i feel like if i dont atleast do that, then my apology is fake. but at the same time i want to apologise as quick as possible before they feel traumatised. 2 years ago i briefly apologised to them about it but it shouldve been longer and the nerves got to me. i was satisfied with it at the time but my ocd made me realise a longer apology is necessary. and its worse cus last time the main reason i apologised was because i felt horrible for this persons mother who always treated me good and i did something like that with her daughter. this womans lost a son as well so i think its absolutely necessary that my apology is from the heart and comes from a place of guilt. i dont care if this person lets everyone know what has happened. if it feels like a burden then they have the right to speak about it. the problem is that i need to fully internalise that pedophilia is bad before i apologise or else it isnt a genuine apology. but everytime i try to, i feel like my OCD makes it so much harder to accept the facts. like makes it seem as if i nitpick every fact.
unfortunately my younger brother was involved in this one time as well. he was, again, never physically involved but was there once from what i remember. he was maybe like 2 at the time maybe 3 (hes six years younger than me). These next events to do with my brother happened while we were in the UK (moved here i was 10, almost 11). When i was 12 i felt an urge to 'moon' my brother. it was one time and it felt like there was some sexual motivation behind it. We used to share one double bed and at night id get the urge to masturbate sometimes. i would have no where to go but the bathroom so id just do it on the my bed. id wait for him to go to sleep or be distracted while he was watching some youtube video and id scoot over to my side as much as possible, id use the blanket to cover myself and make some sort of border between us and id just masturbate without taking off my trousers and id make sure i didnt make it obvious at all. this sounds so embarassing but it needs to be said. im fairly certain he never suspected anything but im aslo scared that i might have slipped once or twice and he may have realised. this past year i realised how bad all this was and i hope to god my brother doesnt remember any of it since these situations were pretty rare. this is why i dont even want to bring this up with my brother because i feel like he probably doesnt remember those 2 instances anyway and if i tell him and he doesnt remember, he might think its worse than what it actually was. but like a month ago, me and my younger brother were in the car and i had an erection. i thought it blended in with all the other curves of my shorts so i didnt bother hiding it too much. my brother saw it and he nervously smiled at me. i turned away, still not concealing it because i didnt want to make him think i knew what he saw. from the corner of my eye, i think he was still looking down there so this is where i tried to subtly hide it as best as possible. at this point i was worried enough that he had seen it but then i look the other way after a couple of minutes and something catches my eye. he seemed to have an erection too. this worried me extremely. i dont want him to be attracted to me in any way, i dont want him to have a twisted childhood like mine, i want him to have a good life. what do i do? I kinda want to over time get closer to him in a brotherly way and set him on the right path. i also dont wanna force it because thats a fake relationship then and thats not right. i hope he doesnt descend down a twisted path later on in his life i really hope not. What do I do?
the last thing is to do with my male cousin. hes older by a year and i was 5 at the time so he was 6. i coerced him into doing sexual things as well. again nothing penetrative but just getting naked, touching buttocks and a weird instance which was peeing together. once or twice. the last time it happened, his older brother caught us and threatened to tell everyone if he ever saw us doing it again. we never did it again. this cousins father is straight up emotionally abusive. he thinks its discipline whereas its literal emotional abuse, ive noticed it, my parents have noticed it, as a parent hes terrible. my cousins now just turned 19 but has the maturity of a 12 year old. this condition i believe is called arrested development and its caused when trauma occurs in a persons life which causes their development to be stunted at the age of trauma. so i think his dad probably started the emotional abuse at around 12 which caused a stunt in development. next time i see them im gonna tell my aunt to take him to a psychiatrist to treat him as well as to ask her husband to really turn it down with the unnecessary emotional abuse hes put on his son. i was worried that this stunt in development came from what we did but looking at it objectively i feel like the only reason his developments stunted is because of the trauma his familys put on him. on top of that, hes joked about what we did in the past like 3/4 years ago. why would he joke about a traumatic experience unless of course it wasnt traumatic for him. the thing is im worried about what will happen if they take him to a therapist and the problem still doesnt get solved because the source of the abuse is actually from what we did together when we were younger? I also get the feeling that the uncle is too prideful to take responsibility for what he has done. I just find it really unlikely that what we did caused his maturity stunt. 1) because his dad is actually emotionally abusive and his brothers put a lot of pressure on him. in fact, ive grown up with them but i can only think of one occasion where the uncle treated my cousin with respect. 2) the age at which we did what we did was 5 years before his apparent age of maturity stunt which is around 12. 3) hes joked and laughed about the incident in the past. i dont see why he would joke about something that was so traumatic, it stunted his maturity. chances are, it probably wasnt.
i feel like if the therapy doesnt work it might be because the source of trauma was wrong or because the therapy wasnt strictly followed. and im inclined to believe the latter because like i said, the dad seems very prideful to take responsibility. but this makes me feel like im morally flawed or that im in denial. i have no issue with him telling his therapist and so the rest of the family about our incident as long as theres a reason. feeling depressed or anxious by it is one reason. knowing full well that it is the source of the stunt is another. but taking a risk and telling the therapist about it while other plausible explanations exist doesnt feel right to me. but then i feel like if i dont, ill have wasted away his life he couldve had because i was too cowardly to say anything and that would make me feel really guilty. I dont mind the therapist and the rest of our family knowing as long as there is a reason for it. the last thing i wanna do is to come clean about it for no reason.
the point of this post is, Can i get into legal trouble for the stuff i have done considering i was pretty young when all this happened, aged 5-8/9 and the 'mooning' incident with my brother which was when i was 12? I dont mind them telling their families if they feel the need, thats the least i can do but its the legality part that bothers me a bit.
Im 17. When i was younger, about 6-8/9, I manipulated someone who was 2 years younger than me to do sexual things. nothing penetrative, just coercing them to get naked and touching the buttocks, i had a weird thing for wedgies too so that too. i was exposed to sexual stuff early on and i assume thats what caused me to be like that. one of my cousins was there too but he was never involved physically, he just watched. i made it seem like it was a game to them. i want to apologise to both people now but i need to fully internalise the idea that pedophilia is absolutely harmful. i feel like if i dont atleast do that, then my apology is fake. but at the same time i want to apologise as quick as possible before they feel traumatised. 2 years ago i briefly apologised to them about it but it shouldve been longer and the nerves got to me. i was satisfied with it at the time but my ocd made me realise a longer apology is necessary. and its worse cus last time the main reason i apologised was because i felt horrible for this persons mother who always treated me good and i did something like that with her daughter. this womans lost a son as well so i think its absolutely necessary that my apology is from the heart and comes from a place of guilt. i dont care if this person lets everyone know what has happened. if it feels like a burden then they have the right to speak about it. the problem is that i need to fully internalise that pedophilia is bad before i apologise or else it isnt a genuine apology. but everytime i try to, i feel like my OCD makes it so much harder to accept the facts. like makes it seem as if i nitpick every fact.
unfortunately my younger brother was involved in this one time as well. he was, again, never physically involved but was there once from what i remember. he was maybe like 2 at the time maybe 3 (hes six years younger than me). These next events to do with my brother happened while we were in the UK (moved here i was 10, almost 11). When i was 12 i felt an urge to 'moon' my brother. it was one time and it felt like there was some sexual motivation behind it. We used to share one double bed and at night id get the urge to masturbate sometimes. i would have no where to go but the bathroom so id just do it on the my bed. id wait for him to go to sleep or be distracted while he was watching some youtube video and id scoot over to my side as much as possible, id use the blanket to cover myself and make some sort of border between us and id just masturbate without taking off my trousers and id make sure i didnt make it obvious at all. this sounds so embarassing but it needs to be said. im fairly certain he never suspected anything but im aslo scared that i might have slipped once or twice and he may have realised. this past year i realised how bad all this was and i hope to god my brother doesnt remember any of it since these situations were pretty rare. this is why i dont even want to bring this up with my brother because i feel like he probably doesnt remember those 2 instances anyway and if i tell him and he doesnt remember, he might think its worse than what it actually was. but like a month ago, me and my younger brother were in the car and i had an erection. i thought it blended in with all the other curves of my shorts so i didnt bother hiding it too much. my brother saw it and he nervously smiled at me. i turned away, still not concealing it because i didnt want to make him think i knew what he saw. from the corner of my eye, i think he was still looking down there so this is where i tried to subtly hide it as best as possible. at this point i was worried enough that he had seen it but then i look the other way after a couple of minutes and something catches my eye. he seemed to have an erection too. this worried me extremely. i dont want him to be attracted to me in any way, i dont want him to have a twisted childhood like mine, i want him to have a good life. what do i do? I kinda want to over time get closer to him in a brotherly way and set him on the right path. i also dont wanna force it because thats a fake relationship then and thats not right. i hope he doesnt descend down a twisted path later on in his life i really hope not. What do I do?
the last thing is to do with my male cousin. hes older by a year and i was 5 at the time so he was 6. i coerced him into doing sexual things as well. again nothing penetrative but just getting naked, touching buttocks and a weird instance which was peeing together. once or twice. the last time it happened, his older brother caught us and threatened to tell everyone if he ever saw us doing it again. we never did it again. this cousins father is straight up emotionally abusive. he thinks its discipline whereas its literal emotional abuse, ive noticed it, my parents have noticed it, as a parent hes terrible. my cousins now just turned 19 but has the maturity of a 12 year old. this condition i believe is called arrested development and its caused when trauma occurs in a persons life which causes their development to be stunted at the age of trauma. so i think his dad probably started the emotional abuse at around 12 which caused a stunt in development. next time i see them im gonna tell my aunt to take him to a psychiatrist to treat him as well as to ask her husband to really turn it down with the unnecessary emotional abuse hes put on his son. i was worried that this stunt in development came from what we did but looking at it objectively i feel like the only reason his developments stunted is because of the trauma his familys put on him. on top of that, hes joked about what we did in the past like 3/4 years ago. why would he joke about a traumatic experience unless of course it wasnt traumatic for him. the thing is im worried about what will happen if they take him to a therapist and the problem still doesnt get solved because the source of the abuse is actually from what we did together when we were younger? I also get the feeling that the uncle is too prideful to take responsibility for what he has done. I just find it really unlikely that what we did caused his maturity stunt. 1) because his dad is actually emotionally abusive and his brothers put a lot of pressure on him. in fact, ive grown up with them but i can only think of one occasion where the uncle treated my cousin with respect. 2) the age at which we did what we did was 5 years before his apparent age of maturity stunt which is around 12. 3) hes joked and laughed about the incident in the past. i dont see why he would joke about something that was so traumatic, it stunted his maturity. chances are, it probably wasnt.
i feel like if the therapy doesnt work it might be because the source of trauma was wrong or because the therapy wasnt strictly followed. and im inclined to believe the latter because like i said, the dad seems very prideful to take responsibility. but this makes me feel like im morally flawed or that im in denial. i have no issue with him telling his therapist and so the rest of the family about our incident as long as theres a reason. feeling depressed or anxious by it is one reason. knowing full well that it is the source of the stunt is another. but taking a risk and telling the therapist about it while other plausible explanations exist doesnt feel right to me. but then i feel like if i dont, ill have wasted away his life he couldve had because i was too cowardly to say anything and that would make me feel really guilty. I dont mind the therapist and the rest of our family knowing as long as there is a reason for it. the last thing i wanna do is to come clean about it for no reason.
the point of this post is, Can i get into legal trouble for the stuff i have done considering i was pretty young when all this happened, aged 5-8/9 and the 'mooning' incident with my brother which was when i was 12? I dont mind them telling their families if they feel the need, thats the least i can do but its the legality part that bothers me a bit.
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