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I split up from my husband of 15 years over 12 months ago, we are now divorced. We have a son of 14 who has been manipulated by his dad and has refused to see me since last June. He sees my daughter and mum regularly and I have tried to make contact with him but he wont see me. His father has said things to him that he shouldnt have and lets him have his own way. He will not encourage him to see me if he doesnt want to. I am now living with someone and my ex has someone new but does not live with her. What should I do?
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Re: seeing my son
It's a very difficult situation. You can't force him to see you but I would simply make sure he is aware that you are available to see him anytime. The fact that he still has contact with your mother and sister is good. In time, he will want to see you regardless of what he is currently saying. At 14 years old he should hate his father as well, lol! Keep the avenues of communication and remember his birthday and that is all you can do.Originally posted by rachael503 View Post"Family means that no one gets forgotten or left behind"
(quote from David Ogden Stiers) -
Re: seeing my son
The problem you have is that, at 14, the court would take the view that he can more or less make up his own mind who he sees. It is difficult for the court to impose a contact order on a child of that age.
It is hard to advise you. Clearly you should take legal advice to see where you stand because, if nothing else, you have parebtal responsibility for your child and he would have to come and live with you if his father died for example. So you are right to take a keen interest in his welfare from a legal perspective.
The best approach on the relationship front isto let your child know that you love him and care about him. Write him. Send him some money occasionally with a letter telling him how much he means to you. Never forget his birthdays, Christmas and other occasions like Easter etc,; they are all opportunities for you to attempt contact and at least be seen by him to be trying.
He clearly feels great hurt and pain at the divorce and seems to be blaming you for this. That is how a child would react. He loves you deeply, for sure, you are his only mum and you imporatnt to him. You are always there for him and as long as you make this known to him, and keep making that known to him, he will grow to trust again and will seek your company when he is a little older.
When and if you do have contact with him do something fun, just the two of you, without involving your partner initially. Build up that relationship.
On the legal side, take advice on your rights - and your obligations.Comment
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Re: seeing my son
Thank you both, I send him clothes every month and money for christmas and birthday, people keep telling me he will come round eventually but I just can't see it. Its nice to get someone elses perspective.Comment
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Re: seeing my son
Dear ! feeling pity at this situation and i must say you need to love your kid in your ways. send him best wishes and expect God's grace for his life. Everything will be okay ahead. Our best wishes are here with you.!Originally posted by rachael503 View PostComment
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Re: seeing my son
you should look into doing some mediation. Have you talked to a lawyer? What are your custody details? You could potentially get court-ordered mediation depending on the details of custody.Comment
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Re: seeing my son
Give your son some time. I think he needs space for now. The people around you are right, your son will come around eventually. Just don't give up on him and never let him doubt of your love for him.Comment
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