family coercion

[havilaw]

an ex boyfriend - I ended the relationship.... he went to my famiily without my knowledge (rang my parents to tell them he was "very concerned about my health"... they invited him to their home gathered my sister and brother for a meeting which I was not party to. the only thing i know that was discussed was he told them "victoria says she is hearing voices"... and so on the conversation that I was unwell - when we were in the relationship i had talked about a "creative voice" (I am an artist) and he twisted it to make it sound like I was having auditory hallucinations. It is a well known psychological issue attached to scitsophrenia.... and has very dark connotations for well being. The told me about the meeting a week later but it was more than a year later they told me that this 'issue' of 'voices' was discussed. In the mean time they used that 'information' that was defamatory to manipulate and coerce my general thinking doing talking... holding it back had very bad effects on me since everything changed... the conversation.. the gaps and silences... they used it knowingly to deconstruct my sense of reality.. my identity etc. I understand it is a complex picture to describe and explain but since learning of it I am filled with outrage... for the deceit and manipulation... that they didn't share the elephant in the room so to speak and had me thinking I was going mad! Apart from the betrayal in meeting with a man they had never met and knew almost nothing about... I feel that they 'ganged' up and sabotaged... my mental health... my identity.. as a member of the family has vanished. I am more than extremely upset... and am having to join the dots so to speak to work out what it was that happened all all the family meetings... conversations.. etc... they knowingly kept that information that should have been given to me.... and I definately feel defamed... and coerced and manipulated. If my mother had not finally explained the worst part of it... then I am sure by now I would have become extremley confused and depressed and may well have killed myself by now.... can I sue for manipulation and coercion.? I can't sue the boyfriend, and don't really care to. But what of my family?

[PallasAthena]

Seeing your GP and getting a referral for counselling would be more productive than suing your family.

I'm not recommending you sue the ex-boyfriend either (and I doubt it would be possible to sue him for defamation anyway) but why do you say "I can't sue the boyfriend"? He's the one who made the potentially defamatory comments.

The way your family behaved is astonishing considering they heard the false allegations from someone they had never met before and after you had ended the relationship. Did it never occur to them that he might not be a reliable source of information?

[islandgirl]

Forget getting money from this but there are potential domestic abuse / coersive control offences here. However proving them to a criminal standard would be difficult of course. Perhaps a chat with the Police domestic violence unit would be a good idea.

[havilaw]

very pertinent questions... did they not consider him an unreliable source... sadly.. the excitiement to meet an unmet boyfriend was to tempting... the gossip of it... the drama... people love getting all serious about something that isnt... esp if it is worthy of Eastenders... the reality of it and the right thing to do went completely unoticed by them... it's a tragedy for me but also for human nature.. to see that up close and personal of humanity.. has been for me.. the worst of it.. i had thought family were infaliablel and invicible when it came to ex boyfriends making trouble.... they handed him his revenge on a plate! and since they are some of them doctors!! the shock has been very hard to take... they are upstanding citizens.. seemingly... at this stage of my life.. (45yrS) it has been difficult to accept... when it's unacceptable and definately unforgiveable... i can't quite catch up with my former sanity.. whereas now.. it seems very much stolen.. an armed robbery of sorts! thanks for commenting...

[havilaw]

Forget getting money from this but there are potential domestic abuse / coersive control offences here. However proving them to a criminal standard would be difficult of course. Perhaps a chat with the Police domestic violence unit would be a good idea.

thanks... will look into it... good prospects i think... to get an acknowledgement of that offence legaly... would be very doing... very healing...

[havilaw]

can I sue the ex boyfriend? he defamed me ... "she's hearing voices".. ... it's all hearsay.. there's nothng in evidence. nothing written... no one has to own up to the meeting... right? since i have no proof ot if.t... its dated in their emails and phones.... we can't have access to that.. right?! but to know how far i can take it at least... to have a copper knock on their door and tell them they are being sued for coercion.. would at least indicate that i have a case at least... because none of them is owning up or admitting fault ... or being sorry for my hurt... the hurt.. is immaterial... but so is the mind... so is life... so is mental health... right?

[islandgirl]

It is not being sued but a criminal offence - speak to the Police. I wish you well.