General Advice Needed - Divorce Reasons & Blame!

[RFH1978]

My husband and I married in Greece in 2011.

It wasn't a happy marriage and I left in July 2014 after a conversation and a mutual decision that the marriage wasn't working and had broken down. The property is mortgaged in his name, I paid some towards the bills but my name is not on the mortgage. There was a distinct lack of sexual intimacy during the whole time of our marriage. I walked away taking only my belongings, nothing financial.

Within three weeks he was seeing someone else.

I changed my name back to my maiden name and have now purchased a property on my own.

During January of this year, we decided to try and spend time together to work out if we could or wanted to resolve our differences and make our marriage work. We dated for approximately 6 weeks when it became clear it wasn't what I wanted and wasn't going to work. We did not consummate our relationship during this time.

Within a week, he was seeing someone else.

He is now filing for divorce, as he has his next victim (wife) lined up and claims he has to cite 4 reasons, and is claiming the following:

1. Lack of intimacy
2. Lack of communication
3. No socialising with family and friends
4. Financially irresponsible

• Why can't he just state unreasonable behaviour or irreconcilable differences as a reason?
• His van is in my mom's name and the finance agreement is ongoing until October 2017, he can't pay it off so what do we do about this?
• His mobile phone contract is in my name, he's just upgraded so runs until January 2017 and he can't pay it off, what do I do about this?
• I want to get divorced, without all the blame being laid at my door, as it is a mutual decision - is this possible?
• Is it going to cost me any money??

Any help, advice or assistance would be most grateful. It's his second divorce so he's a professional but I haven't got a clue and although there is absolutely nothing to sort financially I don't want him laying any claim on my house, or saying everything was my fault as it genuinely wasn't.

Thanks

RFH1978

[ostell]

Re: General Advice Needed - Divorce Reasons & Blame!

If he wants to play that you can always counterclaim for his adultery. Then get round to a proper agreement.

Financial settlement for the phone contract and the van. He pays you.

[SPQR]

Re: General Advice Needed - Divorce Reasons & Blame!

Sorry to hear what has happened. I assume that your husband is seeking a divorce under English/Welsh law.

Divorce petition

He is now filing for divorce, as he has his next victim (wife) lined up and claims he has to cite 4 reasons, and is claiming the following:
1. Lack of intimacy
2. Lack of communication
3. No socialising with family and friends
4. Financially irresponsible

• Why can't he just state unreasonable behaviour or irreconcilable differences as a reason?

Unfortunately the nearest thing to a 'mutual divorce' in England is where there has been two years separation. As you have only been separated since July 2014 this does not apply.

Where there is less than two years separation, divorce is unfortunately fault based. Your husband would have to prove either:
a) Adultery and Intolerability; or
b) Unreasonable Behaviour

And unfortunately he has to prove it. He cannot just say 'unreasonable behaviour' but state the behaviour that he considers unreasonable. Giving three/four examples is normal practice.

• I want to get divorced, without all the blame being laid at my door, as it is a mutual decision - is this possible?

The only way not to be blamed would be to defend his petition and issue your own petition for divorce due to your husband's adultery. A no fault divorce is unfortunately not possible.

You will have to consider whether it is worth the hassle, aggravation and expensive of defending his divorce petition, or whether you will just agree to his petition so that you get your divorce.

• Is it going to cost me any money??

The normal rule in the family court is that each party pays their own legal costs. If you agree to the divorce petition, you will not incur any costs (other than your own expenses such as getting to court).

However, if you decide to argue for divorce on the grounds of your husband's adultery you may have to pay a court fee of £410.


Financial issues

• His van is in my mom's name and the finance agreement is ongoing until October 2017, he can't pay it off so what do we do about this?
• His mobile phone contract is in my name, he's just upgraded so runs until January 2017 and he can't pay it off, what do I do about this?
• I don't want him laying any claim on my house

Financial issues after a marriage are complicated. To completely sort out financial issues it is best to come to an agreement as to division of all the assets of the marriage. Otherwise it is possible that even many years later an application can be made to court for a financial remedy.

You may have a problem if you wanted to transfer across the liability of the van's finance agreement and the mobile phone contract to your husband. The finance and mobile phone company would have to agree to this, which they probably won't if your husband can't pay for them. I really need to know more about the income situation of yourself and your husband before I can advise on this.

Further information

To advise you more fully the following information would be helpful:

• Have you actually received any paperwork from the court saying that your husband has applied for a divorce? And if so, what is the number/name of the form (bottom left of the form)?
• Details of your and your husband's properties [Are the properties rented/owned/mortgage/belongs to partner? Was the property bought pre/during/post marriage?]
• What is the income situation of yourself and your husband? [I don't need figures, but an idea of whether either/both of you are on benefits, or who earns more would help.]
• Are both you and your husband based in England/Wales; or elsewhere?
• Are there any children involved (whether between you are from previous partners)? And if so, there age?

Further assistance

• Law Centres - based throughout the country and able to give free legal advice (www.lawcentres.org.uk/)
• Personal Support Unit - based in courts throughout England and Wales they give support at court (www.thepsu.org)
• Citizens Advice - Ending a Marriage Advice Guide (www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/)
• Resolution - Separating Advice Guide (www.resolution.org.uk/site_content_files/files/dr_handbook___web.pdf)

[RFH1978]

Re: General Advice Needed - Divorce Reasons & Blame!

Thank you for coming back to me & your advice. In response to your questions:

Have you actually received any paperwork from the court saying that your husband has applied for a divorce? And if so, what is the number/name of the form (bottom left of the form)? - No paperwork received yet.

Details of your and your husband's properties [Are the properties rented/owned/mortgage/belongs to partner? Was the property bought pre/during/post marriage?]
My husband bought the house prior to our marriage and it is still mortgaged. He never offered to put me on the mortgage so I never offered to pay anything towards it. He knew I'd never make a claim against the property if we separated as I hadn't contributed towards the mortgage and I'm not that type of person.

What is the income situation of yourself and your husband? [I don't need figures, but an idea of whether either/both of you are on benefits, or who earns more would help.]
We are both full time employed. He earns slightly more than me and does cash in hand work on the side that he doesn't declare, hence he's managed to save money to pay for his daughters wedding next year.

Are both you and your husband based in England/Wales; or elsewhere?
We are both in England.

Are there any children involved (whether between you are from previous partners)? And if so, there age?
My husband has a grown up daughter of 24.

In addition, I have considered applying for a divorce on the grounds of adultery, however surely as we were separated that wouldn't count as a reason, despite it being a number of weeks after me leaving?

My husband tells me he can't afford to pay off his phone contract and there is the issue of the van as I don't want any contact going forward and it's safe to say my husband isn't an easy man to deal with and things have actually got quite nasty at times since I've left. We have very little contact now, which is my preference.

I'm just unsure as to what to do and it feels like it's all hanging over me while I am waiting for the papers to arrive. I just want it sorted, over and done with.

[SPQR]

Re: General Advice Needed - Divorce Reasons & Blame!

Divorce

I can see two main options with respect of your divorce (I assume that you want a divorce):

1. You wait for him to file the divorce petition and agree to it, just so it is done with; or
2. You file the divorce petition first on the ground of adultery (you can use adultery for the ground for divorce - it does not matter that you are separated).

If you did file the divorce petition, there would be a court fee of £410 (if your monthly income is less than £5085 you may be entitled to fee remission, which means you may be able to pay a lower or no fee - I can go into this in more detail if it applies).

Financial Issues

There are five main options in regard to sorting out any financial issues from a divorce:

1. Agreeing it between yourselves
2. Mediation
3. Negotiation using solicitors
4. Collaborative law
5. Court action

For further information on these options see the attached guide (page 15 onwards) from www.advicenow.org.uk

If you are unable to come to an agreement between yourselves, then you will have to consider whether it is worth the cost of pursing any of the other options - if the only financial issues are the phone and the van, it may not be cost effective to instruct solicitors or take court action.