Help with unfit mother

[chrissyg]

Re: Help with unfit mother

She did the same with the older half brother contacted him when he was 15 ,he has gone from someone with good prospects to someone who left school before he took his exams and now lives with her posting on social media about getting drunk with his mum!

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I will tell him to contact SS .

[wales01man]

Re: Help with unfit mother

Social Services need to be involved and the Girls feeling taken into account the OP say she sees her brother about once a year so is only told one side of this.
The girls needs and safety come First above everything else

[chrissyg]

Re: Help with unfit mother

I realise it wasn't an attack.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Help with unfit mother

When it all kicked off around 6 yrs ago the child and her half brother were going to school dirty and hungry or not going at all for long periods, At that point when it all came to light social services were involved and they did a full report this report recommended supervised visitation and custody 100% with the dad.
The mother had and from what i see on social media still has a significant alcohol problem ,she did have a drug problem then also.

were mother and father married at some point? are social services still reviewing the situation. It seems unlikely mother would get custody of her the way you describe mother, unless she radically changes her life. If she were an alcoholic she's likely to attract someone equally bad for your niece, if that's the case you have that as your brother's argument that she is not suitable for any contact except supervised time.

[wales01man]

Re: Help with unfit mother

I realise it wasn't an attack.

Its as you say not an attack on you there are always 2 sides to everything but the facts from both sides need to be heard as well as the Girls input I have no doubt you have the girls best interests at heart and are doing all this for here All we can hope for is her future is not affected by this

[leclerc]

Re: Help with unfit mother

OK, I take on board a lot of comments made but the original court decision was made when the child was 9 years old as such. Whilst her views may have been taken into account they were not necessarily as important as they are now. With less than 2 years left until majority her views are important.

Change is very important and I doubt that residency would be changed at this point in time unless significant change has happened within the last 5 years. If the child is thinking benefits is the way to go then I am afraid she has to make those choices and make her own mistakes.

Has any order been applied for by the mother because the daughter cannot unilaterally run off from her habitual residence?
Is the child(I know I should say young adult) been doing well at school and has the mother returning changed that progress?
Is there a positive dialogue between mother and father(the partners of both have nothing to do with this so they should keep out of it)?

[chrissyg]

Re: Help with unfit mother

I will try and answer as much as i can my information is via my parents who have supported both my brother and neice from the start.

There is a residency order in place that states she has to live with her dad until she is 18 and the mother has supervised visits , it also goes on to say that returning the child to her mother would be a significant danger to the child. The mother admitted domestic violence against the dad [no DV on dads part] its all documented along with the various instances of the child seeing the mother taking part in varios sexual acts with more than one person.

The child is having school issues and i think part of her feelings are down to that , they are considering moving schools but its her exams next year so its tricky.

The parents were never married and in the early days after the break up the mothers father threatened my brother and caused damage to his car.

The court papers also state that the maternal grandfather is not to be left alone with the child.

They are going to sit her down after school today and show her some [not all] of the court documents she has been told as things stand its not her descision to live with the mother.

[Openlaw15]

Re: Help with unfit mother

I will try and answer as much as i can my information is via my parents who have supported both my brother and neice from the start.

There is a residency order in place that states she has to live with her dad until she is 18 and the mother has supervised visits , it also goes on to say that returning the child to her mother would be a significant danger to the child. The mother admitted domestic violence against the dad [no DV on dads part] its all documented along with the various instances of the child seeing the mother taking part in varios sexual acts with more than one person.

The child is having school issues and i think part of her feelings are down to that , they are considering moving schools but its her exams next year so its tricky.

The parents were never married and in the early days after the break up the mothers father threatened my brother and caused damage to his car.

The court papers also state that the maternal grandfather is not to be left alone with the child.

They are going to sit her down after school today and show her some [not all] of the court documents she has been told as things stand its not her descision to live with the mother.

Chrissy, if you want to, you could ask your brother to copy and paste the actual terms of the court order here, and where necessary omitting any personal details, so we can analyse its content. Leclerc makes a valid point in that the court would not remove your niece where she has already strong connections to the place (area) and lifestyle she has now. For instance, she has a home-life, school life, friends, and so on. The court would not disrupt that unless absolutely necessary. What the mother does in her private life is one thing but exposing the young girl to sexual content through her promiscuous relationships is terribly bad for the daughter, in the way that it will become normalised behaviour and likely to affect her own relationships in her own adulthood. In my view this is and will be a relevant issue now especially as mother is still an alcoholic (ie has no inhibitions) is currently likely to expose her daughter again to this promiscuity where she meets new partners unless mother is forced to go on a rehabilitation course. An alcoholic tendency simply destroys lives - it is more than addictive behaviour it's just a time bomb waiting to explode.

[chrissyg]

Re: Help with unfit mother

Thank you for all the advice it really has made a difference .

They sat the child down and let her read the court documents and the 5 diaries that detailed all the times the mother failed to show for visitation , she asked questions and they answered honestly some of the things she said at the time she had forgotten about probably blocked out.

She then contacted the mother telling her she would see her as per court documents now the mother is mking excuses apparently seeing her for only a few hours rather than overnight isn't convenient !

The child did say she was much happier the descision had been taken out of her hands .

Again without the advice here this could have gone seriously wrong now they just have to wait and see what the mother will do next !

[chrissyg]

Re: Help with unfit mother

Update- The mother has as expected failed to take advantage of her time with the child, she saw her for 2 weeks then started making excuses ,altering times at the last moment and cancelling altogether when a new man is on the scene. This weekend the child has had no response to messages she has sent because according to her Facebook posts the mum is getting hammered on a girls weekend away.

[Crazy council]

Re: Help with unfit mother

hi [MENTION=78371]chrissyg[/MENTION] You and your familiy have a hard few years ahead to keep this on course \( or from crashing ), but its worth it. We are a few years over the problems, your brother, and parents sound like exactly the right people to be around this kid. When she is older ( maybe in her 20s ). She will look back on what you did with such pride and appreciation.